"Harder..faster "
- Daft Punk
Chimp in the City - Issue 4
Ook!
Last Week...
When we last left our intrepid hero Chimp, he was in a spot of bother. He'd been caught cheating on his wife by his mistress' girlfriend. What will happen next? Let's take a look . . ..
ChimpAinsy: Eeeeeek
eeeeeeek eeeeek eeek eek eooooooook
( I think this is where I leave )
ChimpAinsy leaves the house along with the rest of the primates, except Chimp, Chimptart and Chimperina.
Enter Chimpette
Chimpette:
Eeeek? Reee'eeeek F%$k1n ooooeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeek ?!
( And what the hell is going on here? There's
a F%$k1n car in our front window and I come upstairs to find you in our
room with a couple of lesbians?! )
Chimperina:
Oooeeeeeeeeoooooooeeeeeeeoeooeoeoeeek hubbahubaa eeeeeeeek ooooooooookeeeeeeeek
ooooooooooooooooooooook
( Lover boy here has just been giving it to
my girlfriend behind both of our backs )
Chimpette:
Ooooook oooooooooooooook?
( Is this true? )
Chimp: Eeeeeoeoeoeoe'eoeoeeeeeeoooooooook
oeeeeeeeeeeek
( It didn't mean anything, honest)
Chimptart:
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooeeeeeeeek?!? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoeoooooook
!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeeek ??
( Just a bit of fun ?!? You told me you loved
me !!!! How could you?? )
*Smack* Chimptart smacks Chimp squarely on the jaw
Chimpette:
Ooooooeoooooooooeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooooooook f%k3d oooooooooek
b1tc4 eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
!
( You no good son of a f%k3d up b1tc4 etc.
etc. )
*Smack* Chimptart smacks Chimp squarely on the jaw
Chimperina:
Oooooooooooooooooooooook Chimp? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooook banana
( How could you Chimp? You knew we were gunna
run away with our secret hoard of bananas )
Chimp:
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook
( *Groan* )
The three ladies leave . . .
We now jump to later that day, 9:30 pm to be exact, but that doesn't really matter now. All you have to know is that some time has passed!
Mr Chimpissed: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk ooke, ooooooooooooooook eeeeeeeeeekek ek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooeeeeee eeeeoooook
( Whooooooooooah dude, chill out
man, nothin'sa gunna happen, everythin' will be alright, you'll see )
Chimp: Eeeeee'e eeeoooooooooo, oooeeeeeeee' eeokooooooo'oo oooook ??
( You're probably right, anyway when are you gonna fix my window ??)
Mr Chimpissed: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooek eeeeeeeeeeeeeek oooooooooeeeeeeeeeeek eeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooeeeek
( Woooooah dude, it wasn't my fault !! The wall just appeared !! Are you blaming this on me ?? )
Mr Chimpissed staggers out of the house cursing and shouting threats at Chimp (due to administration laws, these cannot be shown here)
Chimp: Ooooooooooeeeeeeooook oooooooek eeeeeek ooooook eeeeeeek
( Oooh dear! What have I got myself into now ? I'm off to bed )
And with that said, Chimp swings off to bed, *but* unknown to Chimp, hidden behind the curtains in his room is a mysterious shape ...
Cursing their good luck that Chimp has gone to bed so early, the shadow moves from behind the curtains and across where Chimp is sleeping!
A glint in the moonlight . . .
The gasp of breath . . .
The silence after . . .
Noooo! It can't be, our hero has been shot! But who would do such a thing? Could it be his wife who he cheated on? The mistress who he offended? The lesbian lover who's plans he has put an end to? Or even Mr Chimpissed, who only hours earlier was threatening Chimp himself?
There's only *one* way to find out and there's only *one* place where that can be done . . .
Tune in next week for more exciting story lines on Chimp In The City
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