"Harder..faster "
- Daft Punk
Chimp in the City - Issue 5
Time for Action!
Last Week...
When we last left our hero he was diagnosed as "buggered" as he had just been shot and we now move to the local hospital... Holey Central.
Beep... beep... beep...
(sound of a cardiac machine – duh). We see Chimp in the bed, he
is wearing a breathing mask and for some reason a bandanna (banana...
get it?).
Duck-ter: Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
quaaaaaaaack ackackak
( I do believe that this patient will survive
though why anybody would shoot this courageous chimp is beyond me )
Chimperina: Ooooooo'k
oooooooooooooooooook, ookoooook ooooooook oooooooooooooooooooooooooook
( That’s good, I do hope they find the
bastard that shot him )
Duck-ter:
Quuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccck'k quack quck
( There's a police officer outside wanting
to talk to you )
Chimperina:
Ook
( Send him in )
Who walks in, why it's non other than Officer ChimpAinsy.
ChimpAinsy: Oooo'
Oooo', oook'k oooooooooooook eeeeooooooeeeeeoooooooooooooooeek?
( allo' allo', what's been goin' on ere then?
with a little dip that all coppers do, the universal sign for someone
in the room is gunna get buggered big time )
Chimperina:
Ooooooooook ooooooooo'k ooooooooooook eeeeeeeeeeeek eeeeeek, eeeeeeeeeeeooooooooeeeee
k k k k k k ?
( I think it's pretty obvious what happened,
anyway when did you become a P.I. I mean cop? )
Enter Cliffardo
Cliffardo:
Do you mind? We're tryin' to film “I've Come to Diagnose You 4 :
Gordon Brown's Little Project” and we can't do it with all this
commotion!!!
( Do you mind, were tryin' to film “I've
Come to Diagnose You 4 : Gordon Brown's Little Project” and we can't
do it with all this commotion!!! )
And so later we rejoin the chimps a little further down the hallway...
ChimpAinsy:
... ooook ooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeee? Ooooooo'ooooooooook o'oooooooo
kkkkk!
( ... and so your telling me that Chimp was a PIMP? Well that’s
funny coz the others I've asked said he only did that part time!)
Chimperina:
Oooooooooooooooookooooooooook eeeooooooooeeeeeeeeeek?
(Yeah and what of it?)
ChimpAinsy: Ooooooo'eeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooeeeeeeeek! Eeeeeeeeee, e'eeeeeek eke eeek
( I think that’s about all
I need to hear! You obviously had a grudge against Chimp and so that makes
you a suspect, I’ll see you later. )
Chimperina: Eep
( Eep)
And so ChimpAinsy is on the trail of the villain who attempted to kill Chimp ...
Several hours and many conversations later, ChimpAinsy has gathered all the prime suspects into the same room. The room itself is quite airy with a nice big window but that doesn't really matter does it?? In the room we have: ChimpAinsy, Chimperina, Chimp Tart, Chimpette and Mr. Chimpissed (Eh Neil?) ...
ChimpAinsy: Eeeee'eeekoooooookkeeeee'eeee eeeeeeeeee! eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeoooooooeeeeeeeek!
( It's time I revealed who Chimp's secret assassin is! I can say that it is someone in this room! )
Everyone: Eeeeeek
( Gasp! )
ChimpAinsy: Eeee'eeoooooooooeeeeeeeee'eooooook? Eeeeeeeee kkkkkkkkoooooooke eeeeeek!
( Yes I'm good aren't I? I simply followed the trail of clues discarding the misleading evidence and found it brought me to only one conclusion! )
Everyone: Eeeeeoooooooooeeeeeeooooooooooeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoek
(Stop blowing your own boat ( Eh Cliff? ) and tell us for Om’s sake)
ChimpAinsy: Ek, eeeeeeeeeeekeeeeeeee, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek ...
( Ahem, as I indeed said, the assassin is indeed in this room, the secret assassin is indeed non other than ... )
Tune in next time for the wonderful, fantaboulous and highly charged episode of everyone's favourite primate ... Chimp and his adventures in the city!
Tune in next week for more exciting story lines on Chimp In The City
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