THE BETTE MIDLER PARASITE HORROR EXPERIENCE

presents

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC-
EXPIALACHARLESGRODINMONORAIL

TWELVE TRACKS OF BEEPY, ATONAL,
POST-INDUSTRIAL/TECHNO/TRANCE/NOISE WEIRDNESS
FOR YOUR LISTENING ENJOYMENT

SAVE YOUR RAVER FRIENDS FROM E! PUT ON A RAVE AT YOUR HOUSE WITH THIS MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND! IF THEY EVER GET OVER THE ENSUING NIGHTMARES, THEY'LL NEVER RAVE OR TAKE E AGAIN!

(OF COURSE... THEY'LL PROBABLY NEVER SMILE, HUG ANYONE,

OR VENTURE OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOUSE AGAIN EITHER!)

TBMPHE IS WORKING ON
A COMPILATION ALBUM!
***EVERYTHING*** TBMPHE SO FAR!
IT'S HIDEOUS!

ALSO THE SITE IS BEING REVAMPED
AND A NEW ALBUM IS BEING WORKED ON!
THIS ONE IS LESS LIKE BEING ATTACKED BY BINARY ALLIGATORS!
BUT IT'S MORE MIND-FUCK-Y!
IT'S CALLED:
FOX FOR THE FIVE

I CAN DO BETTER HTML!
I JUST DON'T WANT TO SHOW YOU!
YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE ME

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MOTHAFUCKIN MENU

Track List

Track Descriptions

Discography

Order Info

Links


IT'S A PROVEN FACT

THE MORE I LIKE YOU
THE LESS OBNOXIOUS I BECOME

IN FACT, IF I REALLY LIKE YOU,

I BEHAVE IN A DOWNRIGHT CIVIL AND INTELLIGENT MANNER!
sOMETIMES WE MIGHT EVEN TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MEAN THINGS!

WHICH IS BAD
BECAUSE
PEOPLE LIKE OBNOXIOUS
AND THEY DON'T LIKE
THINGS THAT MEAN THINGS

THE MORE I LIKE SOMEONE
THE LESS INTERESTED THEY BECOME IN ME

I DON'T DO THINGS RIGHT


TRACK LIST

  1. Ronald McDonald Has To Grant You Three Wishes If You Knock Out One Of His Teeth
  2. Eminem Likes To Pretend He's A Frog In An Ice Cream Store
  3. David Crosby Has His Own Airline And The Logo On His Planes Is A Seal Playing The Piano In A Diner
  4. Steve Martin's Dream Is To Star In A Remake of Jaws With Himself As The Eponymous Shark
  5. Mark Wahlberg Has A Pet Millipede Named Bertram And It Can Do Advanced Math
  6. Sarah Michelle Gellar Beeps Like A Computer If You End A Sentence With A Preposition
  7. David Schwimmer Disinfects EVERYONE
  8. Bill Cosby Has His Own Personal Rocket Train
  9. P. Diddy Can Time Travel, Though He Can Only Do So Incompletely And Messily
  10. Luke Wilson Won't Admit That His Hat Is Alive... But It Is
  11. Britney Spears Can Be Launched Out Of A Cannon
  12. It Is Rumored That Denis Leary Said That Jessica Simpson "Has A Face Like An Overturned Melon Cart"... It Is Also Rumored That In Response Ms. Simpson Threw A Ceramic Sculpture Of Two Ducks Mating Wildly In A Bathroom Sink At Him

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DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT

THE PAPER SHREDDERS
THEY MUST HAVE IN THE PENTAGON

THEY CAN SHRED
A 12-STORY BUILDING
IN 0.374 SECONDS

THEY WILL BE UNLEASHED ON THE PUBLIC
IN THE EVENT OF CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE

THINK ABOUT IT


TRACK DESCRIPTIONS

  • Track 1
    This one starts out sounding like a war zone, adds in a happy little warped Nintendo melody... then degenerates into something really, really ugly and mean. I wrote it while in a VERY bad mood, and it shows. Don't listen unless you're so happy that nothing, not even evil monsters who are also Jehovah's Witnesses showing up on your doorstep and wanting in, no matter what, will make you unhappy. I mean it. It's ugly. It sounds like being trapped in the bowels of some alien planet a la Metroid, realizing you don't have any missiles left... and that you're going to get eaten by something big, insectile, and nonsensical.

  • Track 2
    "Eminem Likes To Pretend He's A Frog In An Ice Cream Store" is my favorite track thus far. Very strange, but kind of dancey. It sounds like the world is being attacked and destroyed by really weird aliens, but they're just so incredibly hardcore-looking that nobody really minds.

  • Track 3
    It starts out sounding like a robot werewolf. Then, it changes, and sounds like a sexually frustrated computer finding out there is no God. Then it gets really unpleasant!

  • Track 4
    This is the happiest piece of music EVER WRITTEN. Seriously. If this track doesn't make you feel all the giddy joy of a kid playing with neon-colored slime, you have no soul.

  • Track 5
    A weird, spiralling symphonic-ish piece that's really dark. I was in a HORRIBLE mood for this one.

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DID YOU EVER NOTICE

THAT PEOPLE WHO PREACH AGAINST
MORAL RELATIVISM
AND CLAIM THERE'S ONLY "ONE TRUTH"
ALSO ALWAYS CONVENIENTLY WIND UP
ON THE SAME SIDE AS "THE TRUTH"?

I ALSO CLAIM
THERE'S ONLY ONE TRUTH!
BUT I'M AGAINST IT!

THE "TRUTH": LIFE IS CRUEL, GRIM, AND EVENTUALLY YOU DIE!

MY RESPONSE:

  • BE NICE TO EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF WHAT IT GAINS YOU
  • LAUGH LIKE A GIDDY TWO-YEAR-OLD
  • AND LIVE AS IF YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!
IT'S BUDDHISM FOR THE INSANE!


DISCOGRAPHY
Assorted Outtake Crap!
Type: Sub-Demo
Date: June 1997-August 1999
Released: Never. It was never even formally compiled.
Price: Geh. Do you really want this? Price is negotiable.
Tracks: WHO KNOWS?
Description:
   This is a "collection" of awful noise
   I created between the dates listed above.
   It's scattered across a myriad of tapes 
   and CD-RWs. It's really, really, really bad.
   I'M ONLY INCLUDING IT BECAUSE I'LL SELL 
   ANYTHING, EVEN MY LEFT EAR! BUT PLEASE DON'T
   BUY MY LEFT EAR!
   I NEED IT! 
Absolute Horror! (as ->0<-)
Type: Demo
Date: Summer 2002, though contains a track from Spring of 1998
Released: Never released... SOMEONE FROM MY JAPN-106 CLASS
MAY HAVE STOLEN THE MUSIC ON IT AND IF SO IS USING IT FOR HIS OWN NEFARIOUS AND PROFITABLE PURPOSES! THANKS ZACH/ZACK/ZAK/ZAC!
Price: I CAN'T CHARGE MONEY FOR THIS BECAUSE OF Z/Z/Z/Z!! IT'S FREE!
IF I CAN FIND IT!
Tracks: 5.
Description:
   This was a 5-track demo I wrote in 2002.
   I was trying for "deep and meaningful" and
   wound up trying too hard. As a result, it
   gave me nightmares for weeks. It's ugly.

   The most interesting part of this CD, however,
   is that the last track on it was written when 
   I was 16. It very accurately depicts my mental
   state at that time.
D4!
Type: Album... of sorts
Date: February 2003
Released: Yes. 2 copies made.
Price: $2.00, a blank tape, and S/H charges.
Tracks: 2. One LOOONG meandering guitar thing, and
another one consisting of completely atonal keyboard garbage.
Description:
I wrote this during the winter of 2003
when I had an unbelievably bad cold and
had to take cough syrup 4 times a day for
an entire week. By the 3rd or 4th day, I was incredibly loopy; the
DXM just kept building up in my system, especially since I spent most
of my time sleeping.

I decided to take advantage of my 
altered mental state and made incredibly
bizarre music for about 3 hours.

I felt bad about this afterward, even 
though I hadn't done anything wrong,
because I gave copies of this to a
friend... and his 13-year old brother.
Not wanting to give this kid the idea
that drugs should be used to make music
(even if they're used exactly according
to the directions), I named the awful
thing "Daniel, Don't Do DXM." AKA D4.
Kirsten Dunst Has MAN HANDS!
Type: Demo
Date: Summer 2003
Released: Never.
Price: None. It sucks. 2 of the songs on it are on
Supercalifragilistic-expialaCharlesGrodinMonorail anyway.
The fourth and fifth tracks were never finished.
And the title track is available below. Soon.
Tracks: 5, but 2 of them were never finished.
Description:
   This was another 5 track demo. I started going
   to U of D in Fall 2003 and so this project got
   sidelined permanently. Of the 5 tracks on it,
   named:
   1. Kirsten Dunst Has MAN HANDS!
   2. Look at them!
   3. MAN HANDS
   4. Also, When Avril Lavigne Covers Metallica
      It's A Sign That The World Is About To Come
      To An Abrupt Fiery End
   5. Jared and the Void

   only the first 3 were completed to my satisfaction.
   The title track is available here. Soon. But it will
   be retitled.
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC-EXPIALACHARLESGRODINMONORAIL
Type: Album
Date: Summer 2004
Released: Soon!
Price: I don't know yet! It depends on whether or not I can get Mike from Electric Human Project (a record label, for those who don't know) to distribute it.
Tracks: 13. One is so ugly I'm not giving it
to people I know in real life.
Description: (The track descriptions are above).

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LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES

















































IT'S A BOX

YOU CAN'T GET OUT


ORDER AND CONTACT INFO

If you want to order anything TBMPHE-related from me, or you just want to tell me about something, either sign the guestbook or email me. I'd put my address and/or phone number on here, but I'm afraid of attracting more stalkers.

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SOMEONE ONCE SAID TO ME

"JESUS GROWS ON YOU"

SO IF I EVER GET
SOME HORRIBLE FUNGAL RASH
GROWING ON MY FACE

I'LL JUST TELL PEOPLE
"I'VE GOT A BAD CASE OF THE JESUS"

THEY'LL UNDERSTAND


LINKS

Usurp Synapse
This and Welcome the Plague Year, which unfortunately does not have a web page as of this moment, are my all-time favorite bands ever. If you like your ungodly racket to be performed by actual humans as opposed to the screeching horror that I make, this is your band. (Quick update: the Usurp Synapse page is down, sort of, and WTPY DOES have a page, but I don't know where.)

Take the Mic
The University of Delaware's only punk/hardcore student group, supporting the incredible Newark punk scene. Join if you like punk, hardcore, screamo, emo, or indie music! (Assuming, of course, that you live in the Newark, DE area. You don't have to go to U. of D. to join TTM.)

Pokey the Penguin!
The best webcomic ever.

GI JOE PSAs
"HEY KID! I'MA COMPUTER!"

The Chen Lab
The English-challenged lab in which I work. The page is old and so I'm not on it. You will probably see my name in Science Magazine soon, however. (Update: is it there? Probably not (snarr))

We're busily researching the possibility of DNA-based computers, which, when combined with modern silicon computers, will have both serial (calculations and left-brain-ish stuff) and parallel (image recognition and right-brain-ish stuff) processing ability. Which means, in short, that we're making computers that will have the processing power of a minor deity.

"If God does not exist, I will create God with my own hands!"
Krelian, Xenogears

I'M A MAD SCIENTIST

Big Mouth Comics
A bunch of comics a friend of mine does. They're all drawn really well. The "Misanthropy" series is hilarious.

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I WOKE UP THIS MORNING

ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE

INTERNATIONAL DATE LINE

























I TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME

1