Boycott the Bollocks!!!

"What are you on about Turnee?" Many of you are saying I'm sure.  "Boycott my bollocks you say?", no you idiot.  It's like this.

There you are, relaxing at home and reading the paper.  Whilst flicking through the stupid overblown hyped up shit that they call news, you stumble into tonight's television schedule and low and behold if there isn't a film on that you've only seen once before!

So, you decide to watch it.  All is going well... until... 15 minutes into it the company broadcasting the movie stop it.  "What the fuck is going on?", you think to yourself.  Then a badly made poster type thing of the film you were watching is displayed. 

Have they lost transmission?

Are there technical difficulties?

No.  All of a sudden you are bombarded with the most horrendously fucked up bollocks crap filled tits its unbelievable.

You see, large companies are able to buy "Slots" in your film to flog your their shit.  It gets worse.  They think they're really clever and that you're really stupid.  It seems that these "Advertisements" are aimed at the kids that were in the remedial classes at school, as I have yet to understand who in fuck-shit-tit-wank-bollock-cunt-arse would ever fall for this poo.

Millions are spent on making these 30 second shit talks.  They try to make their product seem to be more than it is.  For example... Lynx Deodorant.

Here is a product that you spray on your underarms so that you don't smell, it's one of the cheaper and less effective on the market, yet the company are trying to drum into you the idea that for some inexplicable reason, this stuff makes you a bird magnet.

Now, we all know that some of us, yes, like me, are born bird magnets.  This stuff is a cheap shitty product and you will stink like a cheap twat when you use it, and an hour later you will smell like a cheap twat with BO because it's CHEAP SHIT.  ITS A CON YOU FUCKIN' IDIOTS.

Anyway.  To my point.  When you see an ad for a product.  Don't buy it.  Ever.

Boycott the product.  Boycott the Bollocks.

Buy things that have never been advertised on TV, the less well know brands from struggling companies.  I know it's tough, but if enough of us do it they'll all fuck off and it'll be pay TV everywhere.

Then idiots wont be talking about "Did you see that funny ad, you know the one with the dancing monkey" or "That really make me laugh, the one where a man wanks on a carrot".

Don't buy the cars, the soft drinks.  Don't use the brand names when buying things.  Its not "Coke", its a "Cola drink".  "Rum and Cola", not "Bacardi and Coke".

Think how cool you are when you walk into a shop and ask for 10 fags and when the shop assistant asks you which ones, you nonchalantly reply, "I don't care, you choose."

Next time you are too lazy to change the channel, make a mental note of the products that the various companies tried to flog you and NEVER BUY THEM.

We pay a license fee.  It's extortionate, I'll be buggered if I'm going to cover advertising costs every time I buy something.

Until we get TV that skips ads (it is in development, and companies like AOL Time Warner are trying to stop it on behalf of all fat cunt companies everywhere) this is what we must do, for us, for our children, for our future.

So when you see me in the street, in the pubs or clubs.  Say it loud say it proud...

"Boycott the Bollocks!"