Dave's Blog

Sunday, February 20, 2005 9:16:27 PM

Margaret and I spent Valentine's weekend at a couples' workshop 
working on our relationship.  Although I didn't feel that there 
was anything wrong with how it was going, I had a commitment to 
do this tune-up every year.  Valentine's was a great time to do 
it.  

One of the first things I got was that I need to pay more 
attention when she is telling me something.  One of my statements 
of intent when we married was that I would listen to her and I 
would hear her.  This was the time to renew that commitment.  

Another revelation was that we both intended to be together for 
the rest of our lives.  That might surprise some people, because 
we have been married for 3-1/2 years, but the statements we made 
to each other when we married did not include a commitment to 
stay together.  Caution and prior divorces kept us from trying to 
promise too much, but now we have a deeper sense of who we are 
and what we bring for each other into the relationship.  

A third thing I noticed was that we have been living a 
monogamous lifestyle for a reason.  It is not just that 
developing relationships with other people takes a lot of time 
and energy.  It is also that maintaining those relationships 
would really take as much attention, link for link, that 
maintaining our individual attention takes.  We have enjoyed 
working on mastering just one relationship, keeping it simple 
for ourselves.  

It was amazing to discover that one thing that kept me from 
losing weight recently was an association between losing weight 
and getting a divorce. The last time I reached my ideal weight 
it was with the intent of finding a new lover, and of leaving 
a former partner. There was no connection, logically, but there 
it was anyway. I am now free to rebuild my ideal body without 
some feeling that I am jeopardizing our relationship

There were other revelations, and they were all good.  We have 
affirmed that we enjoy a healthy, happy, loving relationship.  

Life is wonderful.  

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