A lot of people think there is only so much teaching in Gods word, that covers the topic of marriage. Such as be submissive to your husband, love your wife and the two of you are one. This is a mistake.
God did not give us just this information to go on. One of the great mysteries is that marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ and the church (His bride). Everything written to teach us on how we are to serve Christ, is also directions for your marriage. God's plan for marriage works. The problem is we usually fall pretty short of what He had in mind. We forget we are no longer individuals, "but one flesh", we complete each other.. Men and women do this. Blaming all the problems on one, or the other is a mistake.
Questions for a couple would be:
To the husband:
Do you
unconditionally love your wife and care for her as you would your own body?
Do you honor her?
Do you praise her for the things she does?
Would you give your life for her?
Do you take loving headship in your home, with a servants attitude?
Do you
take on the responsibilities of the man in your home?
Are you available to your
wife and children?
To the wife:
Do you honor your husband
as the church is to honor Christ?
Do you respect and look to your husband for advice?
Do you praise him for the
things he does for you and your family?
Do you love him with unconditional love?
Are you his helper in life?
Do you take on the responsibilities as a partner in life and in your home?
Are you available to your husband and children?
Marriage isn't about how much money you make, where you live, or how much prestige you have. It is about unconditional love. It is a learn as you live, kind of relationship. 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 covers it all. It is not a 50/50 relationship it is 110/110. I will do this, if he does that, will never get you there. You must go all the way. Give all you have to give to your partner. Notice in both lists I said "available". Today's society has us going this way and that way. Do you make time for each other? Do you notice when something wrong is going on in your partners life? Do you actually care? Or are you too busy with your job, friends, hobbies, church or other things?
Note: (All words in parenthesis are my own or definitions. I have underlined words and phrases I want to emphasize.) Important key words are highlighted.
Ephesians 5
19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (notice both are to submit to each other) 22 Wives, **submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (that does not include submitting when He is breaking Gods laws) 23 For the husband is the **head of the wife, (loving headship) even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. (willing to lay down his life for) 24 Therefore as the church is ***subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. *25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (willing to lay down your life for her) 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish (bringing out her inward beauty). 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (**even though wives are to submit, for the husband to be a good head of the wife, he must be a servant and care for her in all ways) 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (**a man that has a problem treating his wife well, has a problem with loving himself) 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (**you are no longer an individual in body or spirit. Yes you each still have your own personalities, they should compliment each other, but you are to work peacefully on all things of the flesh.) 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she **reverence her husband.
Like a business in the world, one has to be in charge in case there is a difference in opinion. The one that is in charge should be able to take into consideration all those involved in their decision, and willing to take on the consequences of their decisions. We are still partners in life. Most things can be talked out and compromised. Women tend to rely more on emotions. Men lean to logic. Yes, I know I will get a few emails telling me I must be crazy. But I do believe it is the husband’s job to make the final decision. Now a wise man will take godly advice from anyone who gives it, including his wife. **As a man knows that cutting his own arm is wrong, NOT listening to his wife is of the same thing. Also a man of God should never act on his decision until he brings it to the Father himself. Now if the husband handled things that way, wouldn’t wives be more than willing to submit to his final decision. Sure they would.
How do you get to that point in your marriage?
By seeking God
in prayer
by reading His
word
by
allowing God to work in you and help you grow
by learning
how special you are and loving yourself
by deciding to
love with Gods unconditional love and submitting one to another
by going the
extra mile (giving 110%)
by forgiving and not seeking revenge
by giving Him
the chance to be the head of your home (if you are a man by cherishing your wife)
humbleness
Wives
OK wives, you tried all that and you are now in a situation where you think he is wrong and you are right. You could fight it out, but still in the end only one conclusion can be reached. You could quit, but that solves nothing. Although the husband is the head of the home, both of you have to answer to God. So bring Him (God) the problem. Don't go as a spoiled child demanding your own way. If you do that you will get nowhere. You need to bring the disagreement before the Father. Ask Him to show you if you are wrong. Ask Him to show your husband if he is wrong. Then leave it in His hands. Since I have learned to do this, God has never failed me. It is called faith. It saves a lot of exhausting fighting. There are still times when I try to demand my way and because we are human we still have times when we drive each other crazy. But the goal is to grow in the marriage. So learn from those times and move on. Don't carry a grudge. My husband calls them wedges. That is exactly what they are. If you have them start throwing them out of your marriage. Remember Forgiveness is the ultimate in medicines for you and your spouse.
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