03.30.04 MY PEN! YOU HAVE MY PEN!
still sifting through detritus of the past, and i'm overwhelmed by a glowing feeling of happiness and love. here's an excerpt i came across, tucked into a journal written in 1995:can i have an onion?i had forgotten that michael aiden moriarty used to do this 'kids in the hall' routine. it still makes me laugh.
can i paint your house?
can i paint your chair?
how much does a job like this pay?
that's okay, i have to go. i'm in a bike race.
03.29.04 PRE-REQ
i'm reorganising my files and going through, i find a funny list i made some time ago about what i want in a man. here are some of the stranger items:
it's totally what i want. i have a few items to add, too (tech support!).
03.27.04 DETROIT RAWK CITY!
went on a road trip to north-of-detroit with my mother, aunt, and grandmother. highlights:
mom: oh look, the duty-free!
me: you wanna go?
mom: no, no, it's fine. we'll go on our way back.
me: sensing yearning towards duty-free. sure?
mom: yes.
we're about a metre away from the entrance when...
mom: go! go go go GO!
i wrench the wheel, jerking the car across two lanes of traffic and sliding everyone everywhere; snacks and handbags go flying. i pull into the parking lot at 60 km/h and practically 180º into a spot. i fear reprimand for reckless driving.
aunt rita: after a breathless silence. wow. james bond goes to the duty-free!
aunt rita: it's kind of weird. it makes my teeth feel funny, like there's something sticking on them. like i've drank milk tea.
we all pause to consider, running our tongues over our teeth.
aut rita: i usually feel like this when i've had eggplant, or, or ...thinking
mom: spinach!
aunt rita: yeah, that's it! spinach!
we all look down at our sandwiches with dismay and silently think, "ugh".
03.24.04 NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY
i'm melo-griping to sharon about how i want to be an artiste (art-EEST), and her reply:
Be an artiste! Go to OCAD, contact a book artist for info, just do it baby!she should be a life-coach.
Think about it: how long are you going to be dead? A very long time. So do what makes you happy.
03.22.04 FACT
me: cosmo said that men who don't shave every day have less sex and are 70% more likely to suffer a stroke.
mike: that's because people that don't shave every day are probably the lazy people.
me: well, kevin's theory is that they have strokes because they get less sex. and i think they get less sex because they --
jeremy: they're having a stroke?
03.21.04 5-FINGER
i printed and bound up 10 copies of "sublimation: vignettes of the break-up aftermath". my father comes in to bid me goodnight, and spotting the stack of little books, he asks what they are.
"it's about what happens when people break up. i'm going to sell them."
"can i read it?"
"no."
he exits, waits til i'm on the phone, then nips in like a pan-esque creature, giggles maniacally, and steals one.
if you want, i'll happily give you one for the nominal fee of postage. the shamelessness!
03.20.04 PASS THE RAZOR
tonight is one of those nights i could just slit my wrists right open.
03.19.04 ADDED VALUE
mike tells us about his physiotherapist friend, who told him about a kid who can't walk anymore. reason? he crushed a nerve in his leg because he played video games for 10 hours straight while sitting cross-legged. the good news is that he'll be able to walk again, but it'll take the nerve 2 years to grow back.
jeremy replies, "well, at least he'll have lots of time to play video games now."
03.17.04 KISS ME, I'M IRISH
03.16.04 SYMPATHY/EMPATHY
chris rock once joked that he could walk up to any other man, regardless of age, race, or culture, and say, "women are crazy", and poof, there'd be instant brotherhood.
it's absolutely true. there's something universal about not being able to understand the opposite gender, or even members of the same gender, when it comes to love. or rather, there's something universal about not being able to understand LOVE.
a seven-year-old girl opposite me at the Clay Pit took a keen interest in my lament to andréa; there was a spark of kinship in her eyes that said that she, too, understood my anguish. songs, books, movies, poetry have been written about it and we're still no closer to a logical equation. sex and the city's lure is partly because we're hoping they've got answers they'll share with us. we dismember hapless daisies, asking them whether or not he loves me.
we're all stumbling around looking for it or trying to deal with it, crying, "i don't get this crap!", with the exception of the lucky few who maddeningly reply, "there's nothing to get. when it happens, you'll know". well, dalai lama, pass that apple: i crave answers! i crave knowledge and understanding and certainty.
many thanks who have endured my repetetetive tirades of doubt and anxiety, and for the patient advice you've doled out. i think i'll take jeremy's, who said, "uh, i'm not sure what you want me to say..."
03.14.04 SACRIFICE: FOLLOW-UP
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it's done. the stylist and i were debating about the length, and our guess of 10" turns out to be a total of 17". 17 INCHES of hair! i can't believe how light my head feels, how swingy the hair is now that it's so short. |
03.12.04 APPLY INSIDE
last night i was flossing, and remembered a conversation i had with sharon in which i was going on about how much i hate flossing. she said at least i have good oral hygiene, and i laughed and said i ought to put it on my relationship résumé.
a year later, here is my dating CV.
03.10.04 UNSPECIFIC RANT
i hate updating my resume. it sucks. it's a summary of things that i feel don't embody me. it's someone else, all this black text. it could be anyone.
but that's not what's bothering me. i'm restless, antsy, angry. i'm not sure about what; i think it's because i was on the track to being a better me, but now maybe i'm stuck by the roadside? there's so much out there i want to take in, to be part of. i want to lash out, but lacking a target, there's only empty space and me.
03.07.04 SACRIFICE
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for lent, i'm giving up my hair (and therefore vanity). 10" of it, to be donated to locks of love or whichever organisation takes donated hair to make into wigs for chemo patients. |
03.01.04 SYNOPSIS
kevin & i in a nutshell:
J: (giggle)
K: what?
J: i'm thinking about polka dots. what're you thinking about?
K: the cube of 13.
02.15.04 KDA
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this is kevin. yes, the long-lost one. i've gone all out to impress him: wined & dined him with jazz at top o' the senator, tried various culinary efforts (leek & pork wellington, chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, soup & biscuits...), lent him CDs and books, showed him the st. lawrence market finds (mustachio's, piña colada jam), i've worn the good 'date' outfits... i've even tried to reign in the crazy. wait 'til he discovers it's all been a sham. what have i gotten myself into? |
02.04.04 BEYOND WORDS
the weakerthans album reconstruction site: it made me laugh, it made me dance. it made me sing, it made me cry. the tunes are infectiously fun and catchy, but if you pay close attention to the lyrics, the wistful detailing will make the acid run in your veins til the tears fall.
02.02.04 REITERATE
sharon is a freakin' genius.
men are stupid. women are crazy.this, my friends, is absolutely true. it helps explain why i have trouble trusting in happiness that stems from other people, and why i don't believe in happy endings.
oh, and the jimmy swift band? total awesomeness. nearly wet myself with joy. whee!