Index of Poems
DREAMNG, Mind Conflict, MIND RAPE, My Past, My Future, Growing, BLACK AND GRAY DREAMS, Can’t Imagine, Cold Rain on My Soul, Natural Born Killer of the Soul, pain, DARKNESS, Black Heart, Promises, Dance of the End, cry, OCEAN OF DREAMS, Life's Melody in Jazz, IF LOVE, as if..., Wonder, Remember When, Darkness and Light, Demons of the Past(award winner), The Moon, gloom,
DREAMNG, Mind Conflict, MIND RAPE, My Past, My Future, Growing, BLACK AND GRAY DREAMS, Can’t Imagine, Cold Rain on My Soul, Natural Born Killer of the Soul, pain, DARKNESS, Black Heart, Promises, Dance of the End, cry, OCEAN OF DREAMS, Life's Melody in Jazz, IF LOVE, as if..., Wonder, Remember When, Darkness and Light, Demons of the Past(award winner), The Moon, gloom,
DREAMING
My dreams tell me of my life.
They come in color, sound, and feeling.
They are not always easy to define,
but given time they become clearer.
My dreams at night - in the dark-
telling me the truth that my heart refuses to hear
during the day.
In my dreams I run, I run from something
or I stay and face my fears.
I awaken from my dreams and say "that was
only a dream"...
but the dream comes again,
and each time the imagery becomes easier to understand.
I dream in color, sound, and feeling.
And from my dreams I gain knowlege.
My dreams tell me of my life.
They come in color, sound, and feeling.
They are not always easy to define,
but given time they become clearer.
My dreams at night - in the dark-
telling me the truth that my heart refuses to hear
during the day.
In my dreams I run, I run from something
or I stay and face my fears.
I awaken from my dreams and say "that was
only a dream"...
but the dream comes again,
and each time the imagery becomes easier to understand.
I dream in color, sound, and feeling.
And from my dreams I gain knowlege.
Mind Conflict
My soul cries for release
My dreams tell me what to do,
My heart asks why.
My mind is in conflict.
To please the "I"- myself as it is must change.
To please others the "I" will be lost,
for change is hard for the "I" and others ,
fear change.
And my soul cries for release,
My dreams tell me what do to,
My heart asks why.
My mind is in conflict.
My soul cries for release
My dreams tell me what to do,
My heart asks why.
My mind is in conflict.
To please the "I"- myself as it is must change.
To please others the "I" will be lost,
for change is hard for the "I" and others ,
fear change.
And my soul cries for release,
My dreams tell me what do to,
My heart asks why.
My mind is in conflict.
MIND RAPE
She said: I love you
(heartfelt)
He said: I love you
(you do me good)
He said: Stay with me forever
(till you catch on)
Later...
He said: I love another, the dead will not leave me
(I love but, she is not dead)
She said: I will be your friend and stick with you till your dead past is gone
(heartfelf)
He said: Let me make love to you
(I am horney)
and she waits,
waits...
He said: My true love is with another, I cannot handle it
She said: nothing
(shock)
He said: I need time and space
(maybe my true love will come back to me)
She said: Goodbye
(you are a pathetic, lying, immature jerk)
She knows:
Things will never be the same. Mind rape destroys.
Destroys trust, destroys hope.
She said: I love you
(heartfelt)
He said: I love you
(you do me good)
He said: Stay with me forever
(till you catch on)
Later...
He said: I love another, the dead will not leave me
(I love but, she is not dead)
She said: I will be your friend and stick with you till your dead past is gone
(heartfelf)
He said: Let me make love to you
(I am horney)
and she waits,
waits...
He said: My true love is with another, I cannot handle it
She said: nothing
(shock)
He said: I need time and space
(maybe my true love will come back to me)
She said: Goodbye
(you are a pathetic, lying, immature jerk)
She knows:
Things will never be the same. Mind rape destroys.
Destroys trust, destroys hope.
My Past, My Future
Every past has a future
so I buried my past and tried the future.
But the future turned into my past...
I ran for cover.
Then I tried the future again.
And again it turned into my past
with much more pain this time.
Now my past has colored my present and
my future.
Colored it dark and sad.
I am running with nowhere to run to.
Every past has a future
so I buried my past and tried the future.
But the future turned into my past...
I ran for cover.
Then I tried the future again.
And again it turned into my past
with much more pain this time.
Now my past has colored my present and
my future.
Colored it dark and sad.
I am running with nowhere to run to.
Growing
Everything grows,
and everything changes their form.
A bud blossoms after sending its
roots down deep into the ground.
At first you see a green shoot and
wonder
what sort of plant will that be.
The only thing you know for sure
is that it is growing.
It is growng and survived by sending
its roots deep into the ground.
To then burst forth in it’s glory
of being alive.
Everything grows,
and everything changes their form.
A bud blossoms after sending its
roots down deep into the ground.
At first you see a green shoot and
wonder
what sort of plant will that be.
The only thing you know for sure
is that it is growing.
It is growng and survived by sending
its roots deep into the ground.
To then burst forth in it’s glory
of being alive.
BLACK AND GRAY DREAMS
There is a blackness in my mind.
There is a blackness in my soul.
There is a blackness in my heart.
Sometimes there are streaks of gray,
letting me know that all is not black.
My dreams are speaking to me again
only their message is at the cryptic stage.
Or the meaning is so obvious that the black chooses to ignore the dreams.
But the gray is there to remind me that all is not dark.
Because for there to be gray, there must be
some light.
There is a blackness in my mind.
There is a blackness in my soul.
There is a blackness in my heart.
Sometimes there are streaks of gray,
letting me know that all is not black.
My dreams are speaking to me again
only their message is at the cryptic stage.
Or the meaning is so obvious that the black chooses to ignore the dreams.
But the gray is there to remind me that all is not dark.
Because for there to be gray, there must be
some light.
Can’t Imagine
To understand another, it is said to walk in their moccasins.
But I can’t imagine to be like you.
I can’t imagine living my life full of deceit,
living by lying to myself and others.
I can’t imagine wanting to embrace pain
to think thoughts that bring pain.
I can’t imagine.
Never to see the beauty around me.
Never to be true to myself.
Never to be true to my friends.
I can’t imagine to be like you.
To understand another, it is said to walk in their moccasins.
But I can’t imagine to be like you.
I can’t imagine living my life full of deceit,
living by lying to myself and others.
I can’t imagine wanting to embrace pain
to think thoughts that bring pain.
I can’t imagine.
Never to see the beauty around me.
Never to be true to myself.
Never to be true to my friends.
I can’t imagine to be like you.
Promises
In my dreams you speak to me
telling me without sound all the things you had promised me.
The silent words are true,
the actions speak truth to me and bring me joy.
I am warm and secure.
Then comes the dawn.
It was only a dream,
I am left with the reality of lies and deception.
To have what was promised,
to hold in my arms what was promised.
To hold life, to hold my dreams of promise.
They are there for me to have...
In my dreams you speak to me
telling me without sound all the things you had promised me.
The silent words are true,
the actions speak truth to me and bring me joy.
I am warm and secure.
Then comes the dawn.
It was only a dream,
I am left with the reality of lies and deception.
To have what was promised,
to hold in my arms what was promised.
To hold life, to hold my dreams of promise.
They are there for me to have...
Dance of the End
We danced to the music of our hearts.
We danced to different music,
and each time we danced I saw more
and more just how different that music was.
I tried to reach your rythmn and lost mine instead.
I watched the moon and stars
and saw their beauty.
But you were never there to share the beauty with.
The moonlight was so bright it cast my shadow.
The stars so abundant in the clear air.
What I saw, you never wanted to see,
what I heard you never wanted to hear.
The music grew discordant
and the moon and stars grew cold.
My heart turned to stone.
We danced to the music of our hearts.
We danced to different music,
and each time we danced I saw more
and more just how different that music was.
I tried to reach your rythmn and lost mine instead.
I watched the moon and stars
and saw their beauty.
But you were never there to share the beauty with.
The moonlight was so bright it cast my shadow.
The stars so abundant in the clear air.
What I saw, you never wanted to see,
what I heard you never wanted to hear.
The music grew discordant
and the moon and stars grew cold.
My heart turned to stone.
cry
I cry -
for what I thought I had.
I cry -
for the bleak life that is now mine.
I cry-
at thoughts of going on.
I cry-
at the idea of trying again and being hurt.
I cry -
but at least then I know I am alive.
I cry -
for what I thought I had.
I cry -
for the bleak life that is now mine.
I cry-
at thoughts of going on.
I cry-
at the idea of trying again and being hurt.
I cry -
but at least then I know I am alive.
OCEAN OF DREAMS
I dream of the ocean,
of warm sands, deep blue water.
The sky clear over my head and the waves lapping gently.
The calm of the ocean.
I feel the storm.
The pounding waves against the rocks.
The disturbed gray water.
The jagged bolts of lightening that pierce my soul.
The thunder cracks and booms.
There is no rest here, no calm.
My senses are sharpened yet dulled by the storm within.
My mind sees gloom where once was sun.
I taste the salt,
of the sea (my tears)
I can no longer tell them apart.
I stand at the edge of the abyss.
I dream of the ocean,
of warm sands, deep blue water.
The sky clear over my head and the waves lapping gently.
The calm of the ocean.
I feel the storm.
The pounding waves against the rocks.
The disturbed gray water.
The jagged bolts of lightening that pierce my soul.
The thunder cracks and booms.
There is no rest here, no calm.
My senses are sharpened yet dulled by the storm within.
My mind sees gloom where once was sun.
I taste the salt,
of the sea (my tears)
I can no longer tell them apart.
I stand at the edge of the abyss.
Cold Rain on My Soul
I walk alone, I feel alone.
Every day is filled with cold November rain.
I try to forget, but I always remember.
I remember how my heart was ripped out,
I remember the pain.
I remember the good times -
the laughter, the times of closeness.
Every day is filled with cold November rain.
In summer’s hottest days, there is cold November rain.
It feels so cold, the loneliness sets in.
I walk alone, I feel alone, I am alone.
The cold November rain runs in my soul
and in my veins.
I walk alone, I feel alone.
Every day is filled with cold November rain.
I try to forget, but I always remember.
I remember how my heart was ripped out,
I remember the pain.
I remember the good times -
the laughter, the times of closeness.
Every day is filled with cold November rain.
In summer’s hottest days, there is cold November rain.
It feels so cold, the loneliness sets in.
I walk alone, I feel alone, I am alone.
The cold November rain runs in my soul
and in my veins.
Natural Born Killer of the Soul
I have hurt, and I have bled.
My sorrow falling as blood red drops of pain.
I questioned who I am
who I will be
who I can turn to.
Then I met the Natural Born Killer of the Soul.
He did not realize the damage he causes.
He told me who I will be, who I am.
He led me to believe I could turn to him.
I felt more pain, I cried more tears,
I shed more blood.
I could not understand him
and his non-feeling ways.
I thought the missing key was me.
I am the key, but he is not the lock.
Not the lock to be opened.
Now I understand that the tears and blood
I shed were for myself.
I am who I am
I am who I will be
I hold the key
I can turn the key.
My soul lives.
pain
My soul drips pain.
My heart knows only distrust.
I try to overcome my pain but to no avail.
I trusted my heart and soul to you,
all was torn beyond belief.
Is there a way to heal?
Time heals all wounds?
Mere words for me right now.
The black hole sucks me in farther.
Each day is a struggle,
smile for the people.
Inside I am dead.
I dream of living again
to hold and be held.
To know relief.
Despair comes when least expected-
but comes all the time.
And when not despair then rage.
I need you to suffer as I do,
to know no happiness.
All days are black.
I have hurt, and I have bled.
My sorrow falling as blood red drops of pain.
I questioned who I am
who I will be
who I can turn to.
Then I met the Natural Born Killer of the Soul.
He did not realize the damage he causes.
He told me who I will be, who I am.
He led me to believe I could turn to him.
I felt more pain, I cried more tears,
I shed more blood.
I could not understand him
and his non-feeling ways.
I thought the missing key was me.
I am the key, but he is not the lock.
Not the lock to be opened.
Now I understand that the tears and blood
I shed were for myself.
I am who I am
I am who I will be
I hold the key
I can turn the key.
My soul lives.
pain
My soul drips pain.
My heart knows only distrust.
I try to overcome my pain but to no avail.
I trusted my heart and soul to you,
all was torn beyond belief.
Is there a way to heal?
Time heals all wounds?
Mere words for me right now.
The black hole sucks me in farther.
Each day is a struggle,
smile for the people.
Inside I am dead.
I dream of living again
to hold and be held.
To know relief.
Despair comes when least expected-
but comes all the time.
And when not despair then rage.
I need you to suffer as I do,
to know no happiness.
All days are black.
DARKNESS
The darkness has come again there is no light for me.
I feel pain as a living thing.
I feel revenge as a living thing.
I feed my pain
I feed my thoughts of revenge.
My blood runs hot and cold with my emotions.
I sprial down into the depths of dispare.
I will take what pleases me at the moment.
What pleases me is your death.
To see your blood spilled as mine has been spilled.
The cries of agony and pain
is a sound of pleasure to me.
To twist and warp all that is good for good will never be mine.
The darkness has come again there is no light for me.
I feel pain as a living thing.
I feel revenge as a living thing.
I feed my pain
I feed my thoughts of revenge.
My blood runs hot and cold with my emotions.
I sprial down into the depths of dispare.
I will take what pleases me at the moment.
What pleases me is your death.
To see your blood spilled as mine has been spilled.
The cries of agony and pain
is a sound of pleasure to me.
To twist and warp all that is good for good will never be mine.
Black Heart
You took my mind to another plain
you helped my heart reach new heights.
I saw the sun, I saw the sky.
The bright yellow nestled in the deep blue.
But the deep blue had a black center that I failed to consider.
The black engulfed me
The black took my heart
The black took my soul
The black tried to steal my mind.
I dripped despair,
I oozed despair,
I spiraled down to the depths of the earth.
Slowly I rise
to see the sky again,
to see the sun again.
To feel my heart beat with life.
The black is part of me now,
but no longer my whole life.
You took my mind to another plain
you helped my heart reach new heights.
I saw the sun, I saw the sky.
The bright yellow nestled in the deep blue.
But the deep blue had a black center that I failed to consider.
The black engulfed me
The black took my heart
The black took my soul
The black tried to steal my mind.
I dripped despair,
I oozed despair,
I spiraled down to the depths of the earth.
Slowly I rise
to see the sky again,
to see the sun again.
To feel my heart beat with life.
The black is part of me now,
but no longer my whole life.
Life’s Melody in Jazz
There are many notes to life.
Some are high and some are low,
and the melody they form may seem discordant to some.
But all notes can for a melody, a combination,
of lows and highs.
Telling the song you feel.
There is no right or wrong...
only what you feel.
Your heartstrings play.
Play the lows
Play the highs
Join them together to form your song of life.
There are many notes to life.
Some are high and some are low,
and the melody they form may seem discordant to some.
But all notes can for a melody, a combination,
of lows and highs.
Telling the song you feel.
There is no right or wrong...
only what you feel.
Your heartstrings play.
Play the lows
Play the highs
Join them together to form your song of life.
IF LOVE
If love were so easy to find
I would give it to myself first.
If love was so easy to share
I would share it with myself.
If love was the breath I take,
I would have love and more.
If love was the food I eat,
I would have it and more.
Love is in me, it always has been.
I must open my heart to myself
give to myself
breathe for myself.
Awaken to who I am
If love were so easy to find
I would give it to myself first.
If love was so easy to share
I would share it with myself.
If love was the breath I take,
I would have love and more.
If love was the food I eat,
I would have it and more.
Love is in me, it always has been.
I must open my heart to myself
give to myself
breathe for myself.
Awaken to who I am
as if ...
as if I feel
as if I want
as if I will receive
as if I will go on
as if I will try my best
as if I will not wallow in self-pity
as if I need others
as if ...
as if I care.
Right this minute I care about my life.
I care about my happiness.
I care about my sanity.
I care about trying, trying for me.
I care about my trying.
I care about my feelings.
I care about my life.
For only then will I be who I can be.
Be myself.
as if I feel
as if I want
as if I will receive
as if I will go on
as if I will try my best
as if I will not wallow in self-pity
as if I need others
as if ...
as if I care.
Right this minute I care about my life.
I care about my happiness.
I care about my sanity.
I care about trying, trying for me.
I care about my trying.
I care about my feelings.
I care about my life.
For only then will I be who I can be.
Be myself.
WONDER
I have walked with others
seeing the future, casting in the present.
Words of wonder I have heard, words of love.
Words are just words, nothing more.
The grass is green, the water blue.
The sky holds the sun, moon and stars.
The earth brings forth flowers of many colors
and then shows its power.
Creatures of all types roam this earth
and I look in wonder at all I see.
I walk with wonder,
words are just words
I have walked with others
seeing the future, casting in the present.
Words of wonder I have heard, words of love.
Words are just words, nothing more.
The grass is green, the water blue.
The sky holds the sun, moon and stars.
The earth brings forth flowers of many colors
and then shows its power.
Creatures of all types roam this earth
and I look in wonder at all I see.
I walk with wonder,
words are just words
Remember When
I remember when..
When I drove my car as fast as I could with
the music blasting, the windows open.
Moving my body to the rhythm of the music
with my hands keeping time on the steering wheel.
Red hair blowing in the wind, smiling at others as I sped past.
Eye contact at stoplights.
Blood red lips and nails.
Skin tight black clothes with heels,
parking and then strutting.
Summer is soon to be here
and it will all be mine again.
Smiling at strangers.
Cat that ate the canary look.
All to be mine.
I remember when..
When I drove my car as fast as I could with
the music blasting, the windows open.
Moving my body to the rhythm of the music
with my hands keeping time on the steering wheel.
Red hair blowing in the wind, smiling at others as I sped past.
Eye contact at stoplights.
Blood red lips and nails.
Skin tight black clothes with heels,
parking and then strutting.
Summer is soon to be here
and it will all be mine again.
Smiling at strangers.
Cat that ate the canary look.
All to be mine.
Darkness and Light
Within my heart is darkness.
Within my soul is Light.
I try to overcome the dark
to let the light in.
I need the light,
to feel the light.
I have felt pain and it has fed the dark.
To combine the dark and light
will give me a shade of grey.
A grey that will enable me to live my life.
All is not dark, this I know -
but it is so hard to overcome the dark.
I feel it in my head again.
Within my heart is darkness.
Within my soul is Light.
I try to overcome the dark
to let the light in.
I need the light,
to feel the light.
I have felt pain and it has fed the dark.
To combine the dark and light
will give me a shade of grey.
A grey that will enable me to live my life.
All is not dark, this I know -
but it is so hard to overcome the dark.
I feel it in my head again.
Awarded the VCA for September 1999 from
Creative Chances
Demons of the Past
All the demons of the past are rushing in.
All that I have done or said
that I feel was wrong.
All the wrong that was done to me.
They shake their heads, bare their fangs,
glowing eyes and evil deeds.
Claws are ready to rend,
to rip apart again.
I will ride to my rescue
I have done no wrong.
All the demons of the past are rushing in.
All that I have done or said
that I feel was wrong.
All the wrong that was done to me.
They shake their heads, bare their fangs,
glowing eyes and evil deeds.
Claws are ready to rend,
to rip apart again.
I will ride to my rescue
I have done no wrong.
The Moon
The moon shines full and bright,
casting shadows and making light of the night.
Causing you to see in a way that is different than the day.
Colors are made pale grey, shadows are deep black.
All glows with a luminance that is hid in the day.
There is a silence in the night,
yet sounds are clearer.
The moon shines full and bright,
but the fullness lasts only for a time-
not forever.
The moon shines full and bright,
casting shadows and making light of the night.
Causing you to see in a way that is different than the day.
Colors are made pale grey, shadows are deep black.
All glows with a luminance that is hid in the day.
There is a silence in the night,
yet sounds are clearer.
The moon shines full and bright,
but the fullness lasts only for a time-
not forever.
gloom
Spring is not all blue skies and flowers.
The gloomy days and rain must come also.
But the remembrances of sunny days,
blue skies,
clear nights,
and shining stars,
are not enough to bring me through the gloom of spring.
The gloom is in my soul
and all the rain in the world will not make it fresh.
No cleansing, no refreshing.
The torrent stirs up the mire of memories.
The nightmares haunt my nights and days.
bringing up inside me all I long not to feel.
Blue skies,
clear nights,
and shining stars,
are not enough to bring me through the gloom of spring.
Spring is not all blue skies and flowers.
The gloomy days and rain must come also.
But the remembrances of sunny days,
blue skies,
clear nights,
and shining stars,
are not enough to bring me through the gloom of spring.
The gloom is in my soul
and all the rain in the world will not make it fresh.
No cleansing, no refreshing.
The torrent stirs up the mire of memories.
The nightmares haunt my nights and days.
bringing up inside me all I long not to feel.
Blue skies,
clear nights,
and shining stars,
are not enough to bring me through the gloom of spring.
all poems property of Raptyrred FONT>
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