For My Pumpkin,
Seany




The big Holy Shit is coming up: One-Year Anniversary.

How I can't wait to give him the anniversary gift I plan to give him. :)




So, this Friday will mark nine months of knowing and loving Sean. Ah, the sparkles in his eyes never died since then. That gorgeous smile never stopped lighting up people's dead souls. I, perhaps, am truly dead. Whilst he's around, I am awake and alive. "Weekend at Bernie's": he's the music that gets me moving and dancing like Bernie himself. If it's not love or that wasn't love at first sight, then there is no such thing as faith or love or, perhaps, God. For it is God and faith and love that did bring us together into that dark corner of the room.


HOLY SHIT!!!!!! SEVEN MONTHS ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU, SEAN!


HAPPY 7-MONTH ANNIVERSARY, PUMPKIN!!!!


We've been together for 6 Months today. Half of a year passed and we're still happily in love with each other. Love and patience... Care and understanding... So much is needed to help love grow and stay strong....

It's been the best 6 months. I look forward to what comes to us in the future... We're always on an adventure. :-D

I love you, Sean! :-D


Electric by Luscious Jackson
what do you feel when you look into my eyes baby
does it come to you as a surprise?
i don't care what
other people say
just as long as i'm here with you
won't you come closer...
'cause i can't seem to find
a way to go now

CHORUS:
electric...when we're together
so electric...feelin' like this

all the times we stayed up
all thru the night
laughing and dancing 'til the sun come out
then later, when we're lying together
even our stomachs...
they're speaking to each other
i kiss the ground, i run my fingers through the earth
yes it feels so good to be alive

CHORUS

kiss the ground
(plant the seed deep)
run my fingers through the earth
(within the heart)
yes it feels so good to be alive
(like a child our love grows bigger everyday)
kiss the ground
run my fingers through the earth
yes it feels so good to be alive

CHORUS x2

HAPPY 6-MONTH ANNIVERSARY, PUMPKIN!!!!



I'm concentrating on my blogger right now... I'll only use this for the sake of data storage, and nothing else. If you want the site address, ask me.

Ciao everyone!

I love Sean!!!!!

Love,

Jennifer
AKA - Honey Bunny, Stinkyfer, Yanyfer, Beautyfer, Hobbit, etc...


Wish you were here by Incubus
I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamond
Strewn across the blue plain
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy(happy)

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy
With holes punched in it
I'm counting UFO's
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy(happy)

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
Wish you were here

The world's a roller coaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air saying:

I wish you were here
I wish you were

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
Wish you were here



You wouldn't believe the kind of shit I can conjur at 11 PM on a Tuesday night.

Fatigue and depression seem to be the two greatest catalyst for a great piece or, at least, a wave of motivation.

Today was a day filled with mood swings, stress, and the strong will to write. I wrote quite passionately today from time to time. I'm quite amazed what even one kiss could do to me. :)

I said I would speak from the heart but my heart is quite fickle. She wishes to show her affection for Sean in personal terms. I will do my best...

I have just spoken with Sean, and I will write this piece tomorrow. I'm captured by his eyes and smile...

I love you, Sean!



I know Sean is gonna roll his eyes for all the Kylie Minogue songs I plan on putting on here. :-D I love you sweetie!!

Love At First Sight by Kylie Minogue
Thought that I was going crazy
Just having one those days yeah
Didn't know what to do
Then there was you

And everything went from wrong to right
And the stars came out and filled up the sky
The music you were playing really blew my mind
It was love at first sight

'cause baby when I heard you
For the first time I knew
We were meant to be as one

Was tired of running out of luck
Thinking 'bout giving up yeah
Didn't know what to do
Then there was you

And everything went from wrong to right
And the stars came out and filled up the sky
The music you were playing really blew my mind
It was love at first sight

'cause baby when I heard you
For the first time
I knew we were meant to be as one

And everything went from wrong to right
And the stars came out and filled up the sky
The music you were playing really blew my mind
It was love at first sight


What an awesome winter break!!! The best part was when Sean came down to visit everyone. And then we stayed at his house until yesterday. Lossa fun, lossa fun. Love ya pumpkin!


Songs that were on the CD Sean made me: (Too lazy to put them all up right now)

99 Red Balloons by Goldfinger
You and I in a little toy shop
buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got
Set them free at the break of dawn
'Til one by one, they were gone
Back at base, bugs in the software
Flash the message, "Something's out there"
Floating in the summer sky
99 red balloons go by.

99 red balloons floating in the summer sky
Panic bells, it's red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
As 99 red balloons go by.

99 Decision Street, 99 ministers meet
To worry, worry, super-scurry
Call out the troops now in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The president is on the line
As 99 red balloons go by.

99 Kriegsminister
Streichholz und Benzinkanister
Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute
Witterten schon fette Beute
Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht
Mann, wer haette das gedacht
Dass es einmal soweit kommt
Wegen 99 Luftballons

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In the dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenier
Just to prove the world was here...
And here it is, a red balloon
I think of you and let it go.



I Miss You by Incubus
To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.
I see your picture,
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ELEVEN days,
but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and I miss you.


I only look at the moon, Sean. Sometimes a few stars in remembrance of our starry nights spent in the twilight. Yet, I only look at the moon. Saturn is ours to watch in disbelief and appallment.

Stellar by Incubus
Meet me in outer space.
We could spend the night;
watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
won't you come with me? WE could start again.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close,
if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place,
it might be the only way
that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
You are stellar.


This is such a chill song to listen to on repeat while playing solitaire. It reminds me of my Pumpkin because I am so in love with him. I love you!!

Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely Incomplete
I'll take your invitation
you take all of me
now i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you
There is nothing else to lose
There is nothing else to find
There is nothing in the world
that could change my mind
There is nothing else...
desperate for changing
starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you...


Happy Three-Month Anniversary, Pumpkin!!!


I Can't Help Fallin In Love With You by UB40
Wise men say - Only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love with you. (REPEAT)

Shall I stay - Would it be a sin,
If I can't help falling in love with you.

As a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be

Take my hand - Take my whole life too,
For I can't help falling in love with you.


I Will Buy You A New Life by Everclear
Here is the money that I owe you, yeah, so you can pay the bills. I will give you more when I get paid again. I hate those people who love to tell you money is the root of all that kills. They have never been poor. They have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas. I know we will never look back. You say you wake up crying. Yes, and you don't know why. You get up and you go lay down inside my baby's room. Yeah, I guess I'm doing okay. I moved in with the strangest guy. Can you believe he actually thinks that I am really alive? I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom. I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new. I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills. I will buy you a new life. Yes, I will. Yes, I know all about that other guy. The handsome man with athletic thighs. I know about all the times before with that obsessive little rich boy. They might make you think you're happy. Yeah, maybe for a minute or two. They can't make you laugh. No, they can't make you feel the way that I do. I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom. I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new. I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills. I will buy you a new life. Yeah, I will buy you a new life. I know we can never look back. Will you please let me stay the night? No one will ever know. I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom. I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new. I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills. I will buy you a new life. I will buy you a new life.


December 9th, 2002--Written in three minutes and finished at 8:28 PM

I am so high
in the sky
trhat the birds
eat my words

and the air
in my hair
and the shy
way in my eye

stand back you ass
im lying in the grass
and i refuse
to light the fuse

im tranquil now
you wonder how
its in his eyes
oh its in his eyes

i look in them
oh carpe diem!
im captured in a trap
whilst sitting on his lap

but i enjoy the arrest
being tied down with no detest
its that love of his that holds me dear
and i love him, wishing he was near.


Sean's Away Message for the night of December 9th, 2002:
"i close my eyes, but there is no escaping this in your arms. in your soul i will be rejuvenation. breathe me in"
-Killswitch Engage

I love you Honey Bunny


3 Libras by A Perfect Circle
threw you the obvious and you flew
with it on your back, a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked and oblivious
and
you don't see me. but i threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind the eyes
of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded.
but i see through it all
and see you.
so i threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.


Short Stories with Tragic Endings by From Autumn to Ashes
Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
the one thing that I cannot give you.

(Did you ever see that one person
and the way they do these things
and it hurts so much it's like choking.. choking?)

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.

I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.

(Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great place.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll

never have...
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that i kills me to breathe you in...
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great palce.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipidsky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down... come down. I cherish you... I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me.
just say you would do the same.
just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes)


The lyrics for "Talk Show Host" don't relate to us but the music is so beautiful and moving to my soul that I think of him everytime I hear or think of this song.

Talk Show Host by Radiohead
I want to, I want to be someone else or I'll explode
Floating upon the surface for
The birds, the birds, the birds

You want me, well fucking well come and find me
I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches
And nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing

You want me, well, come on and break the door down
You want me, fucking come on and break the door down
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready...


A new poem for the one I love more with each shooting star. This poem is for my Bubble. I love you, Sean. Thank you for showing me a new vision on life and for teaching me good manners (excuse me. Ha, ha) and teaching me to have a better state of mind (one day at a time, sweetie). And also, for showing me that anything is possible.


Front page on November 13th, 2002:
Sweet shit, man. Thursday and From Autumn to Ashes both kicked major ass at that concert Saturday. YEEHAW!!! :-D Sunday, Sean, his friends, and I went hiking. Fun, fun. The hike was a nightmare what with the snow and the slippery, muddy rocks. It was worth it, for the view on the top of this mountain was so unbelievable. Sean and I held each other so close and I felt such a strong sense of security and mental clarity. Him taking me up there was the best present he has ever silently given me (with the exception of himself). I felt reborn and felt no doubt of my love for Sean. This past weekend, I feel, was one of the best weekends in my life. Thank you, Sean. I love you, Pumpkin!

Happy 19th Birthday, Sean!!!!
(Nov. 11th)


E-mail from Sean on November 12th, 2002 at 11:48:36 PM:
Hey what's up? You weren't online but I heard this song and I thought
of you. Here are the lyrics. Its by the band Poison in the Well.

Nerdy
"Why do your eyes paralyze me
What makes me feel this way
Just carry me away with silence and heartbeats
As rapid thinking about your embrace
and how it makes me feel
I just want to feel this way forever
Sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
Why have I been given the chance to fly
When I'm not with you I feel lesser alone
I remember your face / imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful / as the sounds of waves
crashing against my heart
Time slows down when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this / infatuated with you
It's so hard for me to understand why
I hadn't found you before don't dull away
hold my hand"

I LOVE YOU!!!


Sean's Away Message for the night of October 16th, 2002:
In this blackout, inertia will hold our thoughts.
And the exit sign offers no light to see by.
Can we cast our shadows alone in the dark?
I can't see without you!
-Thursday

Be cool Honey Bunny! I LOVISH YOU!


Stellar by Incubus
Remember all the stars that we stared up at, talking away time as the wolves howled and killed that poor deer? The world was nothing and we were everything. What a dream it was for me: I never saw so many stars. I saw my first shooting star and yet I wished for nothing. Who needs anything more after seeing the glimmer in your aquatic-blue eyes? This song is for us, for we floated in space that night. The field had disintegrated and the twilight sky swallowed us in. How I miss those moments spent, and I beg for more. Until then, I am stuck with an imagination.

Meet me in outer space.
We could spend the night;
watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
won't you come with me? WE could start again.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close,
if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place,
it might be the only way
that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
You are stellar.


That's Love sung by Bert in a Cupid costume
When I see some baby pigeons
With their mommy in a nest
I get a joyous feeling
Sort of rising in my chest
That's love

When I see a perfect rock
Or a row of paper clips
A quiet kind of pleasure
Sends a smile onto my lips
That's love, too

When I hold my little nephew
And I bounce him on my knee
And I'm smiling down at him
And he's smiling up at me

Love's a simple thing to see
Why go on for hours?
With oatmeal in a bowl to love
Who needs hearts and flowers?
And even though his silly tricks may drive us far apart
I'll always have a special place for Ernie in my heart


You by Radiohead
You are the sun and moon and stars, are you
And I could never run away from you

You try at working out chaotic things
And why should I believe myself, not you?

It's like the world is going to end so soon
And why should I believe myself?

You, me and everything caught in the fire
I can see me drowning, caught in the fire


Excess Baggage by Staind
Well I know the words, but I can't really speak them
To you

And I hide all the pain that I've gained with my wisdom
From you

And I may end a life, by what I hold inside
All the things that I live with I can't easily hide
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for
But you

It?s not easy to hide
All this damage inside
I'll carry you with me
Until I'm not alive

When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly?
To you?

I can't seem to erase all the scars I have lived with
From you

I'm so sick of this place
This taste in my mouth
Cause of you I can't figure what I'm all about**
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for
But you

It?s not easy to hide
All this damage inside
I'll carry you with me
?Til I'm not alive

**Note: Actually, it because of you that I can "figure what I'm all about."**


I Miss You by Incubus
To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.
I see your picture,
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and I miss you.