milking greg

"but i like milk in my coffee," greg retorted, "because if i don't have it i'll start throwing up blood."
"do you know what they put in milk nowadays? hormones, antibiotics. who knows what they do to the cows-" cathy interjected.
"oh i don't eat cows. not anymore. i stopped that during the reagan administration. every morning i'd wake up and i'd have to justify this you know...my life was so boring and there was this slab of meat on my breakfast plate and my goal for the day was be happier than this cow because you're eating it for breakfast. but i never could do it except when mondale was running because then i had some hope but of course there were those torrential rainstorms and i wrecked all my socks." he sucked his lips in and bit them.
"do you have to have coffee?" cathy asked. "you know ulcers are caused by a bacteria now. maybe you could go to the free clinic."
"see then, at this time i wasn't very happy, the iran-contra scandals, i guess you could call it serious depression but i never could justify eating meat when i couldn't lead a satisfactory life and then marvin gaye died, which was pretty much the end of the civil rights movement for me." "want some toast?"
"my purpose on this planet had to be more than some evolutionary ineptitude buyt i grew up with a god damn tv set which i think fostered passive aggressiveness. jimmy carter was a good guy, i mean comparatively speaking, but i always wanted my ex-wife to know that i was never pro-abortion. "that might be true. i missed my senior prom and watched love boat instead and i never have forgiven myself for it. i mean not that it mattered nobody asked me to go but i probably could have taken my cousin or something.
"yeah i worked nights then too which mean i never really saw the sunlight which was probably another contributor to that phase i went through. i don't believe i ever came out of it if that's possible, my personality. i have to go to work.
"unemployment's no fun. you know since bush has been in office it's risen 4%. this is the worst economic slump since the great depression.
"that's why i drink cofeee. if i fall asleep on the job they'll fire me. i never asked about my medical benefits and i might not have the ulcers if i didn't have to drink coffee to stay awake at work but that's why i need the milk."
- jennifer warjas.
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