The History of Cheese

It is thought that the first cheese produced was about 3000 years ago in a small village in an island off Greece. A local goatherder known for his awful stench and delight in mingling with the goats spent most of his time alone. Although he hoped to trade some of his containers of milk for breads, meats, and other foods, he was generally run from in disgust. Hence time and time again he found himself with pitchers of a curd like substance which he always felt a bit inclined to bathe in. Then one day fate intervened. While relaxing in a fresh vat of curd, several young local boys from the village came upon the sight. As the story goes…they were in the mood for a little mischievous activity and snuck up behind him. They bound him in a gunny sack and toted him off and hung him from a fig tree. Trapped, but still alive, he was found several days later by an old woman nearly blind who was passing by. She saw the sack which she thought was an extremely large fig and beat on it with her stick until it fell down. Immediately the goatherder tore himself out. What remained of the curd inside had cured into a cheese which the goatherder proclaimed had kept him alive! The old woman though, thinking he was some sort of evil spirit within the large fig ran off in fear and was often found later telling her story of the talking fig* to the townspeople. The Goatherder, on the other hand, returned to his mountains, retrieved his goats and set about perfecting his new discovery. In time he created his own little cheese making business which flourished and spread. Asked later what turned about his life he was to have said, "I guess it was my feta." (He also often added, with the pleasure only punsters feel, "Look, I just make 'em and edam. They're all pretty gouda" - until one buyer, who never appreciated puns, slapped him silly.)

*Footnote: The Old Woman tells her story:
"I am an old woman with little sight remaining...but... I HAVE SEEN WONDERS LIKE NO OTHER!!! (is unaware she has shouted directly into one man's ear who unfortunately stood too close.) Listen as I tell you of the day I came upon the Talking Fig! (she fiddles with a fig in her hand, smelling it, kissing it.) I was walking along the path to the village. I walk with my stick of course (shows the stick to the group in a flailing manner goosing an elderly gentleman who is passing by.)...and singing a song to myself like so... (she breaks into a song about the men she has loved and lost in her life taking particular pleasure attempting the high notes, though unsuccessfully, unlike the dog sitting next to her.) The night was approaching. As I passed one fig tree I noticed an enormous fig hanging from it. In all my years I have never seen a fig grow that large! (she makes her arms go wide and knocks the nose of a listener.) I thought, 'others will see this fig and claim it if I don't take it first!' So I began beating it with my stick. (takes her stick and beats the ground as illustration.) Like this I beat it over and over again! (beats the ground again unaware she has hit several listeners feet.) The fig fell! And when it hit the ground it screamed! Yes! And then it thanked me. 'Thank you for releasing me!', it said. I was shocked, speechless, motionless at first.(she remains motionless for several moments for effect causing murmurring in the crowd as to whether she had passed away.) BUT!!!...I gathered my strength and I ran...hearing it shouting after me, 'Don't go! Wait!' Still I hurried away for this fig had a spirit within it! (ooohs and awws from the listeners) I sent my son back in search of it but nothing remained. It haunts the hills now... (points to the hills)"

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