Short
Blurbs
My long list of occassional random thoughts...
I would have refused to wash my hair with lye soap in the olden days. What’s that made of? Animal fat? My hair would be twice as greasy when I finished.
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They say the average person is 60% water. That means we're more liquid than solid. Now I'm afraid to get in the shower. I might wash part of me down the drain.
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Looking back over humans throughout the centuries, the majority of them were sleek, tough survivalists… that is until one day in time when someone made the decision to place the newly invented TV in the room with the sofa, fluffy pillow and snack tray. From that single day forward the human race was destined to be overweight, slouches. I guess it's just my fate to be alive during this age and time. Oh well, at least it's a comfy world now.
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Man can not live on bread alone. Women can. Heck, we can live on a package of crumbled crackers we've tossed to the bottom of our purses if we have to. But not men. (...very little real diet willpower.)
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Let's say you are actually confronted by some sort of hideous creature seen in scary movies. What do you do? Run, shriek, faint or surrender your will to them? Perhaps. But just remember, some creatures such as The Swamp Thing and Thor, though gruesome and gravelly voiced and ticked off by the slightest little thing are actually against evil. So get to know your good hideous creatures, too, and then simply give a friendly wave and move on.
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New York is getting ready to celebrate its 225th anniversary into statehood. Hmmm…. Exactly how long are we supposed to keep up this "new" bit anyway? This goes for you other "new states" too. Come on, you're pushing 300 already. Accept it. The newness is over.
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I guess chickens were in the right place at the right time when the egg industry was first developing. Now its their little baby and to heck with their cousins the turkey or the grand old bald eagle or tiny robin. You'll never find a 12-pack of their eggs on the grocery shelves. And you'll never know the full-bodied flavor of a mushroom and onion condor omelet. We think we have freedom of choice. Bah. Not as long as this despicable chicken egg monopoly continues.
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The other day I was at the mall and stopped in the food court. Was thinking I might like an ice cream swirl. Basically they accused me of leaving an unfinished burger on the table and using more than my quota of condiment packets during my previous visit. I ended up getting a $30 fine and a 2 month suspension from using the mall restrooms. Tough court.
More "Quick Thoughts" HERE
Longer Thoughts:
I suspect farms were actually the brain child of cows. The whole domestication idea was probably their own after trying to fend for themselves in the wild jungles. They probably actually urged us to fence them in. "Look, here's our proposition, a 'hay for milk' program. We give a primo grade that's not only a thirst quenching drink, but good for cheese and butter and something we like to call 'chocolate shakes'. You'll get the complete recipe book. Just put up a couple of fences for us. Right now all we've got are our tails. Unlike flies, mass frantic swishing has failed to scare away a single lion. Our fastest sprinters can't even out run the old lame cheetahs. It's sad. We're just not nimble with these little spindly legs. Attempts to hoist ourselves up the trees, although initially seen as an innovative idea, weren't successful as we completely forgot about such nemeses as the bears and pythons. Mother of mercy was that a mistake. So you see there really is no place for us to go. And just to spice up the deal, as if it needs spicing, we'll throw in a couple of sheep. Cute and cuddly, aren't they? They don't know what's going on half the time and I don't even think they'll notice where they are. You'll find their wool will make warm garments. Have you ever thought about growing a patch of mint? We'll explain that later."
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Too bad the alien that was found in Roswell, New Mexico crashed his space ship and died. By now he could have acquired U.S. citizenship, started a business and found some woman who would have married him. (Some women aren't too sickened by grotesquely skinny limbs, freakishly big glowing eyes and gel skin as long as the guy is successful). He could have enjoyed life in America for the past 50+ years, perhaps even be retired, taking his scrawny little grandkids to baseball games or space museums or seeing the U.S. in his RV. (Sure it's not as sporty as his flying saucer, and parking is the same nightmare, but the foldaway dinette will pop-up to seat 4 humans or 7 aliens and doubles as handy probing table). Nobody guarantees you'll end up rich here in America, but we welcome anyone - thing - to voyage here and try.
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Good thing Cinderella lost a tiny glass slipper. After all, that was the whole crux of finding her. "In the hours I spent with her, I neglected to get her name or where she lived. All I have is this shoe. Search high and low, and whoever fits the shoe, I must marry." "Any other info, sire, that we should go by? Height perhaps or age or hair color or a distinguishing mark such as a mole on the upper lip?" "We have the shoe. That's enough. " Had she lost, say, her stocking it would have been impossible. "We have found these 37 maidens and this one young fellow, not a maiden but he does look strikingly good in the stocking, that all fit the stocking as you required." "Hmm... that many? I'm not sure that I can legally marry quite that many… better check with my counsel." I can see the same problem if Cinderella had a lost a common sized shoe. "We have these 37 maidens and this one young fellow who all fit into this size 7-1/2 shoe. Any of them look vaguely familiar?" "The shoe is all I have. Perhaps you could just pick out a healthy one for me. Make sure they look really good in the shoe." "Right..."
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More "Longer Thoughts" HERE
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The Complete Short Blurb List HERE
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