Murray’s Garage

A gas station along a Texas road.  A truck turns in and parks. A young man hops out.

Murray: (Yelling from inside the station.) That you Dale? You’re late...again.

Dale: Yes sir, my truck was giving me problems this morning. Must be the …(mumbles intentionally).

Murray: What??

Dale: Got a customer out here, Murray, finish your bookwork why don’t you…
(Gets a coke from the machine and pulls up a lawn chair. Sits and stares off into space rather contently. Hums a country song to himself.)

Murray: (Yelling from inside.) Hose down the pavement, Dale. Hasn’t been done. I’m paying some bills back here.

Dale: Will do, Murray. I’ve got the front covered. You just relax back there.
(Grabs the hose, turns it on, and sits back while hosing.)

A car pulls up and a young woman gets out.

Dale: (To himself) What is this vision of lovliness that's just pulled up?? (Tosses the hose aside and jumps over to her car.) Here ma’am I’ll pump that for you.

Woman: But I'm in the self-serve lane. I don't mind...

Dale: This pump nozzle is faulty. I’m happy to help. Wouldn’t want you spilling gasoline all over yourself.

Woman: Well I appreciate that.

Dale: (Stands with one hand in his pocket whistling while filling the tank. Smiles and winks at her.) I'm gonna shine up those windows for you too. (Grabs a squeegie and starts cleaning.) Pretty day today. Hot though, and so early. Gonna be another scorcher.

Woman: Yes I suppose.  (Hands Dale her credit card as she sees he’s finished.)

Dale: I’ll be right back. We have complimentary coffee inside if you’d like me to get you a cup.

Woman: (Looks around the messy station.) Sounds nice, but no thank you.

Dale: Fresh pot…complimentary…

Woman: No thank you, really…

Dale: ...ready for the road.

Woman: (Wanting to get on her way.) Alright fine. Thank you. With cream.

Dale: (Runs inside and comes out a few minutes later carrying a very large paper cup obviously from a fast food restaurant.) Here you go, your receipt, and your coffee! I apologize for being out of our usual cups. This one is clean. I cleaned it myself. I wasn’t sure how much cream for a 48oz cup so I used about 20 teaspoons. Careful not to spill. Its plenty hot and I lost the lid.

Woman: Well that sounds just fine. (Carefully takes the very large cup and forces a smile feeling she owes him one.)

Dale: There’s a smile! I knew you had it in you! Now enjoy your coffee, enjoy your trip wherever you’re heading. You have a nice day ma’am!

Woman: (Getting in the car and pulling out very slowly) Yes, thank you again.

Dale: (Waving goodbye as she leaves) Oh she was in love with me! Woo! I could tell. She’ll be back.

Murray: (yelling) Turn off the hose Dale!

Dale: Got you Murray! (to himself) Dang oh dang! I'm flooding the front office! Murray is gonna tan my hide! (Grabs the broom and starts sweeping the water out the front door quickly.) Doing a little sweeping is all Murray! I'm watching the front. You keep working. (Notices another customer driving up and heads out.)

Dale: Morning. Can I help you?

Man: Well I need a fill up and some directions.

Dale: This is a self-serve lane. The nozzle is broken on the pump so I'd be careful if I were you or you'll get gas all over yourself.

Man: (disturbed) Yes, I just found that out.

Dale: So where do you need directions to?

Man: Well, I was on my way to Abilene, but I must have taken a wrong exit. I can’t even find this road on the map. (Pulls the map out.)

Dale: Its not on the map. We’re just a flea on a beagle. You’d miss us on a foggy day.  Hehe. Don’t worry though I’m gonna give you directions back to the highway. I know these parts like the back of my hand. (Holds up the back of his hand.) Woah what’s this!? Hehe. OK I jest.

Man: Can you give me directions or not? Maybe someone here can give me directions.

Dale: Fine. I can give you directions, no problem.  I’m sorry if my sense of humor offends you. Most people appreciate it. My cousin thinks I should be a comedian. He's serious, too.

Man: I just need directions.

Dale: I understand.

Man: Well?

Dale: Oh yea. OK. Now if you keep heading on this road for about 5 miles you’re gonna hit town.

Man: And I should be able to find a highway from there?

Dale: No. That’s not gonna get you to the main road. You’ll still be on this road unless you turn off onto First Street.

Man: And if I do?

Dale: Well there are a few houses and a feed store.

Man: I want to know how to get back to Highway 180.

Dale: Well Highway 180 is about 20 miles back that way. (Points in a direction that a road doesn’t run.)

Man: And how am I supposed to get there?? There's no road!

Dale: What I do is take my truck. The ground is pretty flat the entire way. There’s a few ditches and watch out for the low lying brush cause they’ll tear up your carburetor.

Man: Look, I think I should turn back. I thought perhaps the road reconnected to a main highway and I could get back on track.

Dale: One time I hit a huge, HUGE, armadillo, rolled it under my truck, cracked my crankshaft in two, and watched it come tearing up through my floorboards! Hoowee that was something! Nothing scarier than an armadillo head staring up at ya. Give ya nightmares...

Man: (Hands him cash.) I believe it. Here’s the money for the gas. Thanks for your time. (Heads out back in the direction he came.)

Dale: (Yelling after the car.) You have a nice day sir! (Shakes his head.) He’s lost. (Sits back down in his lawn chair.) Ten dollars says I’ll see vultures in a day or two and it’ll be him they’re circling.  (Sips his coke.)

Car pulls up with a flat tire.

Dale: Got yourself a flat I see!

Man: Well this is the spare, but it doesn't have much air in it...been driving nearly on the rim. I blew out my other tire about 10 miles back. OK kids, you can get out.

Dale: That’s no good. My daddy always says, “A flat spare is about as useful as a flat jack rabbit.”

Man: Yes, well, unfortunately I didn’t realize it. Haven’t had to use this spare and its been in the trunk for years.

Dale: Well I think we’ve got a hand pump here somewhere. (Looks around.)

Man: What about this automatic air pump.

Dale: Oh that’s been broken for a few weeks now. Was filling a kid’s bicycle and got a little too much air in it. When the tire exploded it broke the end off the pump. Dang bike took flight and sailed over into that field. Grass is so high over there we never did find it. I was back there yesterday- still nothing. I'm gonna find it though...

Man: (Kids running in circles around the men playing tag.) Well if you can find your hand pump I’d appreciate it.  We’re running late to a wedding. I want to get back on the road. I’ll get my flat fixed later.

Dale: I fully understand. Let me just look right now. (He runs off to the garage. Sounds of tools being thrown coming from the garage for several minutes and then a loud thud.)

Dale: (from inside the garage) Oww! Gosh dang it that hurt! (Comes limping out.) I’m sorry, sir, but apparently its been misplaced. I could maybe rig up something and blow into it….

Man: No… Come on kids, back into the car with your mama.

Dale: There’s another filling station in town about 5 miles down this road with super friendly people there. Jim and I are fishing buddies. They can fix you up in 3 minutes tops.

Man: Let’s hope so. Well thank you for your attempts at helping. Is your foot gonna be OK?

Dale: Oh yea. Just a slight squash from a battery that fell on it. Just clipped it though. Did more damage to my boot. (Shows the torn leather.) Take care now and y'all have a nice day! (Waves as they head off)

Murray: (Yelling from inside.) I’m doing some ordering back here. Did you finish sweeping?

Dale: (Jumps up and grabs the broom.) Still sweeping Murray. (Kicks some candy wrappers under a parked truck. Another car pulls up and Dale heads over.)  What can we do for you? (Recognizes the older woman inside wearing heavy make-up.) Miss Lily, is this a new car?

Woman: Why yes, Dale. (Smiles coyly.) Just picked it up from the dealer in Abilene about two hours ago. Heading back to town. Maybe I can give you a test spin.

Dale: (a bit apprehensive) Oh I don’t know. Murray is busy in the back and needs me to watch out here for customers.

Woman: Oh come on Dale. I’ll just drive down the road a spell. I want you to see how absolutely smooth and wonderful these leather seats feel.

Dale: (Leaning in the car looking.) It’s a fine car alright. I think I better just stay here though.

Woman: (Patting the seat next to her.) I’ll just drive down here about 100 yards or so and come right back. That’s a promise. You can see if any customers pull up.

Dale: Well….I guess it'll be OK… if you promise…(Looks around and then gets in reluctantly.)

The car takes off towards town. Murray comes out just in time to see the woman and Dale speeding off.

Murray: Oh for crying out loud. That looked like Lily Johnson. (Shakes his head.) What am I gonna do with that boy? Somedays I get more work out of my dog. (Grabs a newspaper, his coffee, and a lunch bag and settles down into the lawn chair.) I suppose I should be pleased that there's no new damage to the place, at least from what I can tell. So… hmm… wonder what he left me for lunch today?  (Opens the bag.) Oooh his mama’s fried chicken and potato salad. My favorite. At least he's good for something. (Yelling after the car.) Hey Dale, thanks for the lunch...and 'have a nice day' while you can, because I know you won't when I see you tomorrow. (chuckles)

 Back to more Amuse Me Suz

© 1998 - 2007 SWeber



1