Interviewer: So you have had a few failed magic tricks...

Houdini: Oh yes.

Interviewer: Or perhaps you would prefer I call them tricks that are yet to be perfected?

Houdini: No, I've had some hideously bad complete failures. Sheer embarrassments!

Interviewer: I see...could you relate a few to us..

Houdini: "The Disappearing Cobras in a Box".

Interviewer: Sounds extremely dangerous..

Houdini: I place a dozen cobras in a wooden crate in full view of the audience. Then my assistants handcuff me and, holding up a large cloth in front of the box, I am placed inside. I escape unscathed. And the cobras have disappeared!

Interviewer: Heavens!

Houdini: Unfortunately on opening night two of the cobras failed to slip through the trapdoor beneath the box. I stepped directly onto them and obtained multiple bites. Miraculously I muffled my cries of pain as I managed to wrestle them through the partially jammed trapdoor. Then I was forced to hastily extract the venom from myself whilst within the box. As the assistants opened the box I was still sucking my leg.

Interviewer: Ouch.

Houdini: Precisely.

Interviewer: So no attempt to perhaps work out the problems with that and keep it in your act?

Houdini: I have a fear of snakes now.

Interviewer: I see..

Houdini: I apprenticed at a locksmith's shop you know. So I use handcuffs and locks in many of my acts.

Interviewer: Yes you are amazing.    

Houdini: Well I have jumped off bridges many times, fallen into rivers, and then uncuffed myself underwater to the astonishment of those witnessing me.

Interviewer: Yes extraordinary!

Houdini: Well to add drama I thought I could ride a horse off a bridge handcuffed and then free myself...as a publicity stunt you see. But to test the idea I thought I'd start small. So I hired a Shetland pony, manacled myself to it, and dove off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Interviewer: Good lord!

Houdini: I hit with such force I knocked myself unconscious. This pony pulled us around in the rather chilly waters for 3 hours before I came to. Stupid. I lost feeling in my lower torso for approximately 24 hours.

Interviewer: Oh my. Fear of Shetland ponies now?

Houdini: Yes, and bridges.

Houdini: And cold baths.

Interviewer: Yes.

Houdini: I also enjoy the illusion of levitation. It fascinates audiences and draws large crowds. I had worked in a circus and felt very experienced around the animals and thought, I shall levitate an elephant! Although prior rehearsals went fairly smoothly, (save for the two times the elephant stepped on me), it was opening night that was a disaster. My first mistake was not checking the stage for sturdiness. Apparently some of the planks were rotted. The lifts and pulleys I used could have been tested also I suppose. To make a long story short, the crane and elephant both fell through the flooring during the act. There was a tremendous thundering boom as part of the theater collapsed. Then the crowd panicked. I suppose my screaming, "We're all going to die!!! We're all going to die!!!" didn't help. But I thought the entire theater was caving in.

Interviewer: Good heavens what happened then?

Houdini: Well it didn't cave in. There was a bit of trampling in the audience as they rushed to escape. 'Several hundred injured' I think the papers reported.

Interviewer: And no more working with elephants I suppose?

Houdini: No. If I am at a circus now and smell an elephant I break into a cold sweat and stammer around like a lost child.

Interviewer: That's too bad.

Houdini: I do still enjoy working with small animals, like pulling doves and parakeets out from under my sleeves. Once I tried to use a woodpecker. Some birds are best not used for magic.

Interviewer: I suppose not. So can you give us some hints about tricks you are working on?

Houdini: Well, just to give away enough to tantalize your readers and my fans let me just say one involves a straight jacket, a wooden crate, quicksand, and a panther!

Interviewer: Oh no! Are  you sure that's wise..

Houdini: Another involves handcuffs, stilts, torches, swords, and a loaf of French bread.

Interviewer: I can't imagine...

Houdini: And yet another requires a volunteer from the audience wearing a derby, a jug of milk, molasses, and cockatoos.

Interviewer: Well, I look forward to seeing these in your act. I'm sure they'll be fascinating. I must say I am rather astonished by all your mishaps.

Houdini: Oh I could go on and on.

(man walking up)

Man: Yes I apologize for being so late for our interview.

Interviewer: Excuse me?

Man: I am Harry Houdini.

Interviewer: You are?? But who is this then?

Man: Lenny!

Houdini: Hi Harry.

Interviewer: Lenny?

H. Houdini: This is my cousin.

H. Houdini: I've asked you time and time again not to use my name.

L. Houdini: Its not anymore your name than my name. I am a magician Harry. I have an act.

H. Houdini: An act?!? Its all a series of your fumbling about nearly killing yourself.

L. Houdini: I am a great illusionist.

H. Houdini: That's it! Quit posing as me! I'm now forced to lock you in a crate and throw you off a bridge for doing this...

L. Houdini: I'll escape!

(they wrestle on the ground)

Interviewer: Oh this could be interesting! (rips notes) I'll get my photographer and meet you at the riverbank...
 

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