Someone please stop Krisco before she hurts someone! Her tires got slashed either yesterday or early this morning, and she's convinced that Dirk did it. As if she doesn't have more than enough people who hate her and are willing to fuck up her car. I'm scared, so very scared. His family's sticking up for him for the moment, but how long will that last? How long before they just start agreeing that he's the most likely suspect, just to make his life hell? They did just call the police on him this past weekend.
I've been talking to Ken online a lot. Huge mistake. He makes me feel guilty. Always. And he's talking to Krisco now, so he's insinuating that Krisco has something to say that I might find of interest. I don't want to know. I'm tired of her poison. She's so pathetic, she's dating Billy...a complete freak who's probably diseased. I wouldn't date Billy if I were paid to do so. He's two-faced.
It was so hot today, and I was wearing the georgeous blue blazer I've had for over a year....I was melting. I hate this heat. It makes me feel ill.
Someone answered my fevered prayers and supplications!!! My mother's going to work tomorrow, if only for a half day!!
I talked to C-- earlier in the evening/morning. He's definitely much cooler than usual towards me. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure there is anything I can do. Nothing I say to him seems to matter, and he admits that he no longer knows why he talks to me. I was almost relieved when he had to go.
However, after he signed off, my morning (it was about 1:30 a.m.) became a nightmare of sorts. First thing to happen was this guy, Patrick, IM'ing me out of the blue. I think it's kind of creepy when that happens, you know? Someone just looks up your profile in the Member Directory (one of the reasons I hate AOL), sees if your online, and just starts talking to you. Maybe other people on AOL accept it as normal, I don't know. Anyway, I played along, made conversation. Turns out, he's a really nice guy. This was proven to me beyond a doubt later in the morning.
While I was talking to him, Ken IM'ed me. He'd gone ahead and e-mailed Dirk. With Dirk's permission, I checked his e-mail from work, to see what Ken had written. Of course, he'd been a complete asshole about the GFY site. Not only had he been condescending to Dirk, but he threw in some sarcasm just to be cute. So, I sent him an e-mail that royally ripped into him. No-one talks to my boyfriend like he's retarded, especially not my ex-boyfriend. Ken's response to my e-mail was to ask if I'd sent his stuff. I lied, just to see what would happen. I had this sneaking suspicion, you see, that once he thought his shit was safe from me, he'd let me know how he really felt. And, oh, did he ever.
Granted, I'd been baiting him, since his first IM was bitching about Dirk's Site. I kept telling him to quit whining, that he was being a complete dick about the site, especially considering the fact that no-one orders anything from the site. Ken then informs me that he has something to get off his chest, and it's been tearing him up inside. Then he plays coy, so that I have to practically beg him to tell me. This is what was "tearing him up inside":
"I hate you, Agent Skatter. I hate you both. In the most Nietzchean way...." Something about how we (meaning Dirk and I) had destroyed him, and the three of us were never going to accomplish anything, thanks to what Dirk and I had done.
I apologized, as I am always doing with him, and he fired back at me, "I don't care if you hate yourself. I'm the victim here! I'm the one whose life got destroyed on a whim!"
He then went on to say that he had a theory, that Dirk and I had been carrying on behind his back for years before I dumped him, and that I'd dumped him because we couldn't handle lying to someone who trusted us so much. He credits me with too much of a conscience, honestly. I dumped him because the same things that had been a problem in our relationship in the beginning were still a problem two and a half years later, and he wasn't taking me seriously at all when I tried to bring them up. Not because I was involved with Dirk. You know, he was actually angry when I told him that wasn't why I dumped him. He said he'd preferred that theory to what was obviously the real reason: that I'd dumped him on a whim.Okay, that I could handle. Normal bitterness, right? Perfectly understandable. Well, he then starts telling me that it's my duty to kill him, since I'd completely destroyed his life. Now, I'm the queen of melodrama, but this was a bit much. He was serious. He insisted that it was the only thing I could do, given what I'd done to him. This was the kind of shit he used to pull when he lived with me. Made my life hell.
I was becoming very upset, quite understandably. As I was talking to Ken, I was also talking to the guy I'd just met, Patrick. I was copying and pasting the most hurtful things Ken said into my IM conversation with Patrick. When I was starting to cry, because Ken was telling me to kill him, Patrick started IM'ing Ken, telling him to lay off. He generally harassed Ken until he just gave up and signed off, because Ken wouldn't leave me alone with his guilt-trip.
I dumped him in fucking August, and the loser still isn't over it. I didn't make him ditch us for North Carolina, in fact I told him it was a dumb idea to go. At least, until I finally got sick of him searching my house for a gun to kill himself with. Then I told him it was probably best if he went home to his parents. I couldn't be his mother anymore. It was too taxing, and he was getting worse as each day passed. He'd quit seeing his therapist, because she was "obviously intimidated by his superior intellect" to use his own words. There's something very wrong with him, he gets too dependent upon people, is depressive when he thinks he should be, and is gratingly arrogant. I couldn't handle the fact that he was still dependent on me, knowing that I was dating Dirk. So, I wished him luck and waved when he left.
I was not, however, to escape unvalidated. Ken told me before he signed off that the only reason he'd said all those things to me was that I no longer had his stuff. Think again, old love. I'm not stupid, and I've never pretended to be anything other than a bitch.
That's another thing: apparently, more than one person e-mailed him to tell him they think he's an asshole, because he was very bitter about it. He asked if Patrick was one of the people who read my journal, and didn't believe me when I told him that I'd just met him. He claimed I'd laid the groundwork to make his life miserable when he finally got internet access. Ooops. I really only thought maybe one or two people would e-mail him. And I didn't ask Patrick to stick up for me, it just happened. Ken called him my new "pet", and told me that he might not go online anymore thanks to Patrick attacking him. It must sound awful, but I'm relieved.
As a final note, Krisco's little brother e-mailed Dirk (he's about 12 or 13), threatening to call the cops and claiming to be a "hackor". I think he's probably as disturbed as Krisco is.
Well, that was coherent.