(Thursday)Well, Ken hasn't e-mailed me, and he signs off as soon as I sign on. I like that. I'm a coward. I freak when people tell me to kill them. Ken's father needs to get his son some serious counseling.
Dirk spent all day at my house, since my mother stayed at work all day. We slept until 2, woke up, ate, went to the bank, then Dirk went online. And talked to Ken. Is there something wrong with me for being hurt that Dirk was talking to Ken online, after what Ken said to me last night/early this morning? Am I wrong to expect Dirk to at least stick up for me, instead of always treating Ken nicely, as if Ken wasn't treating me like shit? Apparently so, because Dirk got pissed when I got mad at him. He said that he wouldn't say anything to Ken because "he wasn't there" when Ken was showing his true colors last night. Yeah, no shit, Dirk. Some guy I'd just met on aol was sticking up for me, because you weren't there. I didn't even expect Dirk to bitch Ken out. All I wanted was for Dirk to respect me enough not to talk to Ken as if everything was alright.
Anyway, Dirk got mad, told me I was being rude and snide, and started to leave, telling me that I should get Katie to feed my cats, because he wasn't doing it. So, I told him to look at what he was doing--getting ready to walk out again, yelling at me again, enraged with me because I'd been "rude". It's always rude when someone tells you how they feel and you don't like it, isn't it? I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was tempted to just let him walk out that door and break up with him. Four hours of sleep and a lot of stress don't make me very compromising.
I was about to start crying, you could hear the catch in my voice already, when I turned and walked back into the kitchen. Dirk followed me, and tried to hold me when I sat in a chair and cried. He apologized for getting mad at me. I didn't let it go that easily, I'm afraid. I refused to look at him, even when he started crying himself. It wasn't until he walked into the other room with his head hanging down that I followed him and forgave him. I'm not a saint, nothing close. I don't care if Ken was Dirk's oldest friend before he ditched us. It's not right for him act like it's okay for Ken to be an asshole to me.
The rest of the day went better, especially after I got over being mad at Dirk. We ate popsicles, Dirk responded to Krisco's brother's e-mail, we went out to eat, and we cleaned out the car. I'm really going to miss Dirk. I don't want to go to Norfolk without him. I hope he's alright, and nothing bad happens while I'm away.
I'm don't want to go.
I talked to C-- again tonight. Definitely not working. Definitely much cooler towards me. I sense that he would not care if I lived or died, at this point. That makes me kind of sad.
Oh, and Ken, if you're reading this (I know you are), I didn't send your stuff. I always told him that it wasn't a good idea to shit on people in the name of being honest about his feelings. And my life is bad enough without him resurrecting the old guilt trip. I know Ken doesn't care. He was always so self-absorbed, and he admitted that he took joy in my suffering. So, I feel no obligation to send his stuff. He think's I'm a back-stabbing bitch? Well, here's proof.
Krisco's brother e-mailed Dirk back (Dirk hasn't read it yet). He's threatening to sue Dirk for harassment and damaging personal property. As if. Dirk doesn't have any money, and Krisco's mother doesn't either. So, who's gonna pay the damn lawyer? It's also going to look stupid when Dirk has a whole line of people ready to testify that Krisco is mental and Dirk didn't harrass her (it was quite the other way around) and would never have slashed her tires (though I know quite a few people who would have been more than happy to do so). The little brat is also insisting that there's no law against breaking into someone's e-mail account (just passed in VA a couple months ago, sweetheart. Just in time for Krisco to break it), and he should know because he's a "hackor". Complete loser. He should have been drowned at birth, like his pathetic, mewling sister.
The stupid "Sun-In" stuff actually worked a little today. And here I was about to march over to the drug store and pour it down the clerk's throat.
(Friday Morning)Well, I'm including this now since I misdoubt anything worthwhile will occur before I leave work today. I stayed awake until 3 a.m., lying in my bed where Dirk was lying yesterday morning, and cried. I don't know how to explain it, except that I suddenly missed him terribly. I was afraid for no reason, and wished for nothing more except to be held.
So, I got 2 and a half hours of sleep, and I'm driving to Norfolk tonight. Lucky me. Maybe something good will happen, and Ken and Krisco will both die over the weekend. That's awful. I'm starting to get really mean.
Anyway, I won't write more until Monday night, so have a good week-end, everyone. As the CB people say, "See ya'll on the flipside!"