I'm going to regret posting so early in the day, since early entries are a practical guarantee of eventful evenings, but I'm stuck on field-duty again, covering another top-secret receptionist's desk. I hate field-duty, especially since our training officer's gone. I cannot perform my duty as assistant training officer when I'm at another top-secret receptionist's desk.
My mother thought she left the coffee pot on today, and wanted me to call Dirk to get him to shut it off, since he had the keys to my place. I called him at about 10:30, and his mother answered. Dirk wasn't home, and she didn't know where he was. It didn't take too much thought to figure out where he was...so, I called my house, and, sure enough, the phone line was busy. I called the phone company, asked if they could break the connection, but they said it was against the rules to break Internet Connections. Assholes.
So, I did the most logical thing: hurried over to the aol site and downloaded AOL's Instant Messenger Service. You know, the one where you can contact anyone on aol through IM's. Unfortunately, my goddamn Internet connection at work runs through a fucking proxy server, and I don't have clearance to run anything else through the proxy. That idea was shot down in flames. So, as a last resort, I e-mailed Dirk at both his e-mail address and mine (yeah, he reads my e-mail, too, without asking), telling him to get the hell off the Internet.
After calling for a while, the line's finally free, and I get the answering machine after 3 rings. I said, "Dirk, pick up the phone. I know you're there." He picked up the phone and started whimpering immediately, saying that I was probably going to dump him. Imagine, going over to my house while I'm working my ass off, without asking, and using my Internet. Granted, his reasons were good--he needed to check if the guy he'd be renting the room from in Manassas replied. I'm still in shock. I let him know just how irritated I was. Then I got him to check on the status of the coffee pot. It was off.
Dirk tries very hard to make me happy, I know that. And I feel bad for getting angry at him so much (even though he damn well deserves it). He gets so upset. So, I got him a card. I think it said, "There's you and there's me and there's us and that's all that matters". Something like that, anyway. I can't be sure, since I sealed up the card already.
I'm tricked out in what I cynically call my "English Schoolgirl Uniform". Blue plaid skirt (complete with pleats), white blouse, black/navy (can't tell the difference) vest, black stockings. There used to be a gaurd up front who'd swear up and down that I was from the UK.
See? I didn't even get to post that entry, things got so badly fucked up tonight.
I got home from work, tired, my entire right arm throbbing, and dutifully waited for Dirk to come over at 7:00. He didn't, I called him at 7:15, and jokingly told him that I was pissed. He fucking went off on me, yelling at me because he didn't realize I was joking. That set me off, and I started yelling right back. We eventually worked ourselves to the point where he was refusing to come over because I'd "Tried my best to hurt him in every way possible." Okay. I might have. I can be pretty mean when I snap. And I've been snapping a lot lately. I don't really know what to attribute it to, other than my natural bitchiness taking control.
I got so frustrated, since we were supposed to be seeing that guy about a place to live that I wanted to smash my fist through the glass in my window. I told Dirk how I felt, and he accused me of trying to get my way through intimidation. That hurt. Really it did. And I couldn't make myself say I wanted him to come over. I couldn't. I tried. What's wrong with me? Where did I get such a huge allowance of stupid pride?
I don't expect you to answer--I know the answer anyway. I got it from my mother.
Well, after being perfectly horrible to Dirk, and having him be snotty to me in retaliation, he finally came over, at about 8:45. We went to get cloves, I refused to let him get them for me, we drove to Manassas, so he could call the guy from a pay phone at 9:30 or so. I think I cried off and on, too. I gave Dirk the card, he read it while I was buying cloves. I think it depressed him.
We got to Manassas, he called the guy, the number didn't work. Dirk's gonna try again tomorrow. We gave up, went to McDonald's and Dirk bought me Ice Cream.
I only got online for a couple minutes tonight, partly because I didn't want to tempt fate and Ken's urge to harass me. Also, I'm not sure how I feel about Patrick's attentiveness. He's incredibly sweet, and takes my side in anything--odd for someone I just "met". Too sweet, at times. He knows exactly what to say when I'm angry at Dirk. I don't know....I don't suspect him of any ulterior motives, but it would be too easy to get addicted/attached.