One of my special talents is making people feel like utter shit. It doesn't work on everyone, like Katie, but it works on most. It takes a lot of effort not to do it.
Today was undermined by complete exhaustion. I couldn't sleep immediately after talking to my mother. I guess I was relieved that the car wasn't taken away completely, but it still irritates me that I lost any priviledges at all. Honestly, the woman behaves as though I'm not paying for my education out of my own pocket.
Roachboy's angry at me, I suppose for my last couple entries. It was nothing but the truth, tempered by my own observations (and I'm the first to admit I'm biased). If it bothers Roachboy so much, perhaps he should quit reading this journal. My initial response to his e-mail was harsh, to say the least. This was partly due to the fact that I'd just gotten off the phone with Dirk (explained later) and was in a bad mood. The other reason is that I don't like to be threatened by anyone. It's not as though I lied. I have niether the money nor the transportation required to send his stupid little package before Saturday. Threatening me with further action isn't going to change the fact. And if he's foolish enough to believe that Jason or Aaron would go out of their way to send the package, that's his business. He should know better, though. And I refuse to speak to his other friends. Roachboy went out of his way to make sure they understood that he's the victim, while I was cast in the role of Evil Backstabbing Bitch, I am certain. He's made it clear how little his other friends think of me, at any rate.
The highlight of my workday was calling Dirk. I got a little thrill, because when Dirk did something clumsy (he was helping his parents out) while he was talking to me, Aaron called out loud enough for me to hear on my end, "Hey, Agent Skatter, your boyfriend's a genius." Such a little thing meant a lot to me. His family's finally accepting the fact that I'm his girlfriend. Before, they just treated me as an oddity who spent far too much time with Dirk.
I found out a couple interesting things today. One is that Krisco's new boyfriend is cheating on her. A lot. With everyone who'll have him. And he refuses to acknowledge their relationship at school. He avoids her during their shared lunch period, and gets angry when she tries to hang around him between classes. And the poor thing is positively glowing with happiness. All her friends know that Billy's cheating on Krisco, but none of them will say a word. They just sit there and smirk at her happiness.
Dirk found out the ‘Bert's (first mentioned back in Jan or Feb.) no longer dating Larvae. I'm so happy. I hated the fact that they were dating, so we never hung out with them. Larvae on her own is okay. But she started getting uppity when she was dating ‘Bert. I haven't seen or spoken to either of them since before Christmas. Apparently, Larvae cheated on ‘Bert. Not once, but twice. I think it's kind of sad that he lost his virginity to her. He could have done a million times better. And to think, they broke up three months ago, and I never knew! Shows what happens when you get too caught up in your own problems.
Dirk's decided I need to stand up to my parents more. He started telling me that I have only myself to blame for my problems. It's easy for him to say...he's got his girlfriend and friends to fall back on when things get too tough. I lose my car, how do I work? My mother, I discovered, does still retain the power to get me fired. It'll take a couple of weeks at least before I can possibly find another job and/or save up the money to get my own car. Dirk was angry because I didn't see him tonight, and he was also angry because he thought I'd gotten mad at him for having to get off the phone. I'm tired of putting up with his ass-umptions. I started crying when he was getting off the phone because I was tired and depressed. He kept saying, in that voice he reserves for females who he thinks are going psycho, "I have to go, Agent Skatter, really I do."
So I told him, "Then get off the goddamn phone!!! At what point did I say I didn't want to get off the phone with you?"
When he called me back, his first words to me were, "So, why are you angry with me? Because I had to get off the phone?" Which he followed up with some more sarcastic comments. So I got defensive, and then started crying, and that's when Dirk felt the need to tell me how to live my life.Sometimes he can be a pretty insensitive jerk, you know that? But most guys are, at times. Anyway, I cried for a while, Dirk started apologizing and insisting that he hadn't been attacking me (bullshit). He even offered to walk all the way over to my house so I could punch him. Anyway, I agreed to call him from work tomorrow, at two. I really miss spending every evening with him.
Sometime during the evening, I called Katie. She couldn't talk long, because her boyfriend was over and started doing the boyfriend-pouting-thing. You know, when they feel neglected, so they start distracting you from very important phone conversations by making funny faces, etc? I threatened to have him neutered so he wouldn't be able to pout so well. I'd have gone down there so Katie wouldn't have to be rude to her boyfriend by talking to me on the phone in front of him, but I was in the middle of cleaning up when I called her. After she told me the gossip about Krisco, we made plans for Chris, Her, Dirk and I to get together on Friday, and she got off the phone.
I talked to C-- tonight. It cheered me up, because he was behaving the way he used to--like waves of approval coming from my computer monitor. He had a headache, so I described what my shirt looked like. That didn't fix it, so I went into a long spiel about slugs, pigs, and vomit. This nauseated him sufficiently to make him forget his headache. I've missed talking to him without that odd tension between us. I want to visit him this summer, though I'm worried what he'd be like in person. Of course, Dirk doesn't trust me not to get raped and killed, so he'd be coming with me.
You know what really bugs me? When someone e-mails me about the site, and I respond, and they never e-mail me back. What happens? In the time since they've written me, do they read the rest of the journal and decide that I'm not someone they want to get to know, after all? Guess so.
For those that have been keeping track, my hamster's still breathing. I even took her out of her cage and played with her a bit, I was that bored.