And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Roachboy deserved none of what was done to him, and his status as a victim is not self-imposed. Maybe he's really a brilliant writer and I've just realized this after reading what's on his site, felt the brilliance of the thoughts behind them sucking me in despite the crudity of the language. Maybe I realize, somewhere in my burnt, smeared, and tattered soul, that my thoughts will never equal his in depth.
And maybe I don't give a shit.
So here I sit at work, bored out of my mind, praying I haven't offended the former ringmaster of Poison Ivy, and not yet bored enough to fix my index page, because I'm afraid one of my supervisors will have a fit. And I'm not deep enough. I'm too busy saving my cookies, along with everyone else's, to be deep. I'm too busy -ahem-working to sit and ponder deep thoughts. Besides, I do much better at living than thinking deep thoughts. Roachboy doesn't believe in an afterlife, if I remember correctly, so maybe he should try living. Take some joy in everday things, like balloons and ducks. Plant an herb garden, blow bubbles. I don't know. I couldn't help him because he takes no joy in life. I don't understand people like that. I guess I never understood Roachboy.
And maybe I think about Roachboy too much.
Dirk called ‘Bert yesterday. Apparently, the only day ‘Bert is off is Tuesday. Sucks. I wonder why he got such a shitty work schedule. I forgot to mention, on Tuesday, that we saw Katie's ex, Shaun. He was all slicked up in a suit. I hate to say it, but Shaun looks unnatural in a suit. Kind of um....lizardlike, in a way. He was there with his fianceé, who's quite pretty. I liked Shaun. He wasn't right as Katie's boyfriend, and he was a bigger BS artist than most (I mean, talk about being out to prove how macho yet feminine you are. He used to go on and on about his superior knowledge of the female mind, and it was all BS. By the same token, he used to brag about his experience with weaponry, but I doubt it was quite as extensive as he'd have like us to believe.), but a likeable guy. More than I can say for a lot of the guys she dated before Shaun, like Kevin and, uh, Christian Boy. I can't remember his name for the life of me---wait, Paul!!! The Man With No Personality who Couldn't Take A Joke. I dunno why she dated Paul. Anyway, Chris is a zillion times better than all of them. He's not a BS artist, and he has a personality. Eh, he'll probably get offended when he reads this.
I'm learning so I can get my webring off the ground. I've got the graphic(s), courtesy of Katie and her PaintshopPro (which she has yet to give me, BTW). I've just got to think of a good theme. I mean, I've got a nifty title, and nifty graphics, but I need an actual reason for it, so I'm not having to sort through a bunch of horrid little homepages that are nothing more than a listing of links to that person's favorite bands. Or, just as likely, "Please Let Me Bore You With My Bland Angst Poetry That Is So Unoriginal You May Suspect I'm Using A Formula And Plugging In Words" sites. Also known as "Blood And Suffering: My Life Story As Soon As It Became Cool." Can you tell I've been running into a lot of poetry sites lately?
Dirk's getting antsy about putting out a new issue. Could you do me a favor? Go to Ask Captain Margaret and fill out the form. The problem doesn't have to be real. It can be as soap-opera-fake as you want. I just need to do the column, and I only have on usable question, and that's from way back in April. Thanks, much appreciated.
Bob Hope's dead! Heart attack. Wow....who was he again? He sang or something, right? Anyway, I know he was 92 when he died. Boohoo. That's too old. Shoulda died a long time ago. Now we're probably going to get his stupid funeral shoved in our faces indefinitely, along with appropriate commentary. "The entire world mourns the death of this great man....." And it'll get pretty horrid to watch TV, since all the channels will do Bob Hope Retrospectives. Now, if Sean Connery died, I'd mourn. I don't care how old he is, he'll always be my Ramirez.
Dirk's online at the college as I'm writing this. He was also mucking about in my hotmail account. I know, because I got kicked off for "Intrusion Logged". It's not as though I can get mad at him, though. I do the same thing to him, often.
I'd forgotten. When Dirk played Truth or Dare with Maisha back when we first started dating, he called me up, crying, saying he'd cheated on me. Why? Because he'd kissed Maisha as part of a "dare". And this is the guy Krisco wanted me to believe cheated on me with her for months? I think not.
I guess I shouldn't use Captain Margaret to attack Krisco anymore. Her life's pathetic enough as it is. Maybe Roachboy will call her (they're butt-buddies, you know) and tell her about Billy. Maybe not, since it's hearsay and he "doesn't want to be involved in that anymore". Although you can tell he wants to ask me about some of the things Krisco said to him. Up to him....but remember that little obligation to tell the truth at all times, no matter how badly it hurts that person. Or did that only apply to me, Roachboy?
Gotta quit thinking about Roachboy. Unproductive as well as unhealthy. Makes me want to smash in the computer screen.
I'll probably add more to this tonight. Until then, I'm begging you, please click the link to Captain Margaret above. I need to get this issue out.