Let's count who dicked out on rehearsal today, shall we? For one, Charlie did, because his little brother's graduation party was today. Aaron did, because tomorrow's Father's day, and his pit-viper girlfriend wasn't going to be home, so he wanted to spend today with her and his son. I can understand that, but he could have told me before I showed up at his house to pick him up. And before I cleaned all the shit out of my mother's car so we'd have room to fit 5 people, 3 guitars, one bass, one guitar head, a backpack, and my purse. Fucking inconsiderate is what it is. I hate having to drive our "classic" ‘87 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cierra. It's a boat. A boat with wheels. Front-end alignment's shot to hell, steering's kind of iffy, and the brakes are a nightmare. Most importantly of all, it doesn't have a working tape deck. I fucking hate that.
However, Louie, Dirk and I made it to practice on time. I really think Louie's going to work out. He's got a really good sense of humor, and he has a good voice. He can even sing on key. He also picks up the songs pretty quickly. Doesn't care much about politics, which is fine by me, and makes friends easily. He doesn't even freak when Dirk and I fight, which is often. He goes crazy with energy when he sings, dancing around and screaming.
Let's cross our fingers, and hope he doesn't dick out.
After practice, we decided to go to Taco Bell, grab something to eat, and make our merry way home. Louie thinks he'll be able to get a ride to practice next week. Then we dropped him off and proceeded home.
I forgot to mention that I was in a bad mood throughout practice because my mother was screaming at me when I walked out the door. See, I'd asked her if I could use the car fairly early this morning. I then went back to sleep, expecting to vacuum 20 minutes before I left, after loading all the equipment into the car. Well, I brought out the equipment, opened the trunk, and it was crammed full of stuff she'd bought that morning but had been too lazy to bring inside. After cleaning that out, I opened the car, and discovered a back seat full of boxes, a passenger seat with rolled-up newspapers all over it, and loose newspaper strewn randomly all over the car. So, I didn't have time to vacuum, because she couldn't be bothered to tell me that the car was a disastor.
And she had the fucking gall to scream at me for not vacuuming. So, I snottily informed her that it would have to wait ‘till after practice, and she had no-one to blame but herself for trashing up her car in that manner. So, I had to vacuum before we went to Katie's party.
When we got there, Katie had finished 9/8ths of a bottle of Mimosa by herself. Only 7.5% alchohol, but Katie's pretty thin, and not at all used to the stuff. So, she was pretty tipsy, and Chris was worried.
While Dirk was in the bathroom, I made the mistake of giving her my impression of Louie. Granted, I said that he was good-looking, which he is, and has a cute butt, which he does. What she said in reply was like a blow to the gut. She said, "Uh-oh, looks like we've got another Dirk on our hands."
She was tipsy. She couldn't have known how badly that would hurt. I still wanted to punch her. I stood there, stammered something meant to convince I'd honestly not thought along those lines, and wanted to punch her. Hard. Just like every time she jokingly called me a slut when she knew I was involved with Dirk.
God, it shouldn't have hurt so badly. I deserved it, I honestly believe that, for cheating on Roachboy. But I hate being treated as though I'm a cat in heat, indiscriminately going after every vaguely attractive guy in my life. Just because I notice how a guy looks doesn't mean I'm interested. I don't think I even want to know what Katie thinks of me. Everything she doesn't say. What she does say is bad enough.
I always feel like I have to prove myself to everyone. Prove I can play it straight, and prove that I'm not going to do to Dirk what I did to Roachboy. And I don't think anyone believes I can. I think they're all waiting for me to fuck up again. In fact, I think they're expecting it.
I wonder if they place bets.
I'm being too harsh, and I know Katie will read this and get mad. I'm sorry. But it really, really, really hurt to have that shoved in my face again. As if I'm completely incapable of controlling myself. As if everything I sacrificed to be able to date Dirk legitimately means nothing. As if I don't really love him.
Fuck everyone who doesn't believe that I can stay faithful this time.
We were going to go to Bob Evan's, but we had to wait until most of Katie's guests left, and ended up having to bring Chris home. Then Katie started feeling dizzy, and she had to go home. So Dirk and I went for a walk in the field near a powerstation.
I hate getting bug bites in hard-to-scratch places. Completely worth the irritation, though.