I couldn't offer myself because there was nothing left to give. I couldn't offer hope because I never like to lie. All I could ever offer was determination — that is all that has kept me going.
I have a mind to see what I can accomplish. I wish you the best in everything you do.
When they ask me if it was fate, I shall tell them I had none. If they ask me what it means to me, I will say my only inspiration was you.
The above was the ending of my last letter to C--, which I am mailing off tonight. I'm not going to e-mail or write him anymore after this, simply because he hasn't been responding to my e-mails in a while. I won't venture to guess what brought this on. It could be an astonishing number of things, from lies other people have told him to simple distance. It's very hard to keep up with online friends when you are hardly online.
As I said to a friend of mine, I am taking this philosophically. That is to say, I'm numb. I'm sure it's going to hurt at some point, just not now.
Katie's birthday is coming up, and I'm going to look for a present for her tonight. I don't have a clue what I'm going to get her, but I'm damn well gonna get her a present (within a decent price range, of course). Then I'm going to try to give it to her in person, but if that doesn't work out, I'm going to leave on her front door step.
I got a call from Letisha today. She wanted to make certain I'd be going into the main office on Friday, so she could pay back the last $50 she owes me. I'd thought she'd either forgotten or was trying to avoid it — I haven't gained a lot of faith in human nature.
I love Dirk. I'm so very lucky to have him. I just thought I'd say that.
I'm not in the mood to write more today. Have a good day.
