Go here if you've got a strong stomach, and you understand the point. Her Pretty Eyes.
I used to think that only the bad guys in cartoons and bad horror movies were interested in gaining what is referred to as "power". Basically, it would break down into control; of the world, a populace, a company, or your own life. The ability to make decisions, and have those decisions (orders, if you will) carried out. In a lesser form of power, the ability to make your wishes known, and have those wishes executed.
Everyone wants power. I don't know a single person who doesn't want control over their own lives. Freedom=Control=Power. Or something to that effect.
I admit it, I tend to be a bully. It takes most people a while to realize this, because I can do it in such a touchy-feely, understanding way that it seems like I just really care. Which is not to say that I don't care, but there is a purpose behind my (sometimes) overbearing concern. I always want to be as informed as possible, and I always want to make certain that someone I care about isn't going to make some giant leap into the unknown. I don't handle change very well. Change, for me, has very rarely been a good thing.
To give an explanation, when I was about twelve, I was part of a sort of clique. The freak clique, if you will. Not cool enough to be cool, but of a better quality than the rest of the freaks, the ones with bad personal habits (you know, the ones who stank, ate boogers, etc.). I was in the outer circle of this clique, and I guess I didn't see the signs.....one day, one of my "friends" handed me a note, telling me to read it on the bus. The note basically said that they (meaning the freak clique) didn't want me around anymore. It specified that they didn't want me to hang around them, talk to them, or call them anymore. Because of the way I dressed and did my hair. (Which, by the way, was not particularly bad. I wore jeans and t-shirts, much as I do now, and I had a bad perm. No-ones fault but the beautician's)
I'm sure you can imagine that I was devastated.
From that day forward, whenever I was part of a group of friends, I made certain that I was at the very center of that group of friends, or near-as-nevermind. Control is the keyword. I did my damnedest to make certain no-one could ever hurt me that way again. By default, I also became a snoop, a bully, and a schemer. I don't do anything without a backup plan. I don't issue ultimatums without giving myself a way out if the other person (to whom the ultimatum is being issued) proves to be more stubborn than I expected.
Why did I mention it? No reason, really, except I realized that I'd been bullying Dirk to call DoShu, to be more concerned about how DoShu feels. I've become group mediator by virtue of my femaleness, sensitivity to the feelings of others, and the fact that I'm a bully. I didn't realize how good I'd gotten at getting what I wanted until I found out that Aaron had made a concerted effort to call DoShu and find out what was going on with him, since I'd said it doesn't matter who does it, as long as it isn't Greg.
I also didn't want it to be me, really, because DoShu already seems to see me as the most accessible member of the band. He tells me things that he doesn't tell anyone else; he's more open. That's all well and good, but he needs to feel that other members of the band (besides Greg) are accessible as well. He should feel as comfortable telling something to Dirk or Aaron as he does with me.
And I used to say that I wasn't any good with this touchy-feely shit.
And then I was forced to block my ex from Dirk's e-mail account, because he was being hateful. I wish he'd get some friends of his own, and give up taking jabs at Dirk.
Converse Chuck Taylors are usually about $38-$48. We found them on sale at J.C. Penny's for $6.99 a pair. Isn't that astonishing? Of course, they were in odd colors, namely seafoam green and banana yellow, but that's what dye is for. Dirk got two pairs, one of each color, thanks to the fact that I'm really quick about snatching things like that up, and Aaron only came away with one pair (in banana-yellow).
I'm almost certain that I'm getting together with Katie tonight, though not to play pool as I'd suggested. We will be having a marathon 6-hour practice tomorrow, with Richard's blessing, and I still need to get my hair cut and shop for shoes.
