I talked to my ex-boyfriend, Ken, recently. Let me give a little background information here. I dated Ken for over two years...due to what I felt to be irreconcilable differences, I dumped him. It wasn't a pretty break-up. He was a wreck, and being in a band with me didn't help. When he found out I was dating Dirk, that was the end of the band, but he was living at my house at this point, (He got kicked out of his place and my mother felt sorry for him. I didn't.)and made my life a living hell. He would wait until no-one else was around, call me a "backstabbing bitch" and then act outraged when I was less than kind to him in front of other people. No-one stuck up for me. I was happy when he finally moved back in with his parents.
Funny thing is, we're supposedly still friends.
The last time I talked to him, he was getting together with this guitarist to form a band....there was talk of them getting a drummer soon, he had a fairly good job, and was basically throwing it in my face that he had a band while GSFU was still trying to get its shit together. And he wanted to grind in the fact that he had gotten a job in 24 hours, while my boyfriend was still jobless. Ken has fairly Republican priorities for a punk rocker.
Well, when he called a couple days ago....he had news. Unsurprisingly, his band fell through, because the kids he was dealing with were "unreliable". He spends all his time practicing guitar. And here's the real kicker: he finally got a new girlfriend. It gets better--she's 17. He's about 24. Damn. He can't even get them legal age, can he?
She's into Celtic mythology, druidism, is "mouthy, but really sweet". I'm so happy for him, it was all I could do not to snicker when he was telling me about her. We all have bets going over here about her virginity.
I sound so smug when I talk about Ken, and I really shouldn't. It's not how I really feel about him. This sums it up better:
I dated a man who believed in Dionysian Nihilism. He felt that life should consist of extremes of joy and pain. He confided in me that he'd never felt either. He felt empty, hollow, not a man. and he believed in what, to him, was a lie. And knew it was so. How did he survive? How did he reconcile this?I do not know.
I do know that he believed in me. And I'm the biggest lie of all.