Okay, enough with C--'s picture. I'll e-mail him and thank him for it tonight.
Nedstat's gone fucking bonkers. I don't know what the hell's wrong with it, but they'd better get it fixed. In the meantime, I signed up with ShowStat, an inferior service. They don't show how people got to my page the way Nedstat did. I'm so disappointed.
I feel like I'm being a fool for trusting Dirk about the whole Krisco. But what else is there to believe? Krisco's claims? Unnacceptable. They simply don't match the man I know.
Perhaps the heart of the matter is this: I gave up a lot for Dirk. I lost a great band, a good friend (even if he made a lousy boyfriend and an even lousier ex-boyfriend), and a whole way of life that I'd been accustomed to. I've never doubted that it was worth it. I've never wished that I'd made different choices, unless you count wistfully thinking how much easier everything would have been had I skipped dating Ken altogether, and started with Dirk.
I'm not going to give up a great relationship that I worked my ass off to attain, on the word of the delusional little bitch I saved Dirk from in the first place. I know a lot of people are going to think that I'm the one who needs mental help, but (and I do mean this in the most respectful way) they can fuck off. I do what I have to in order to get buy. What purpose would it serve me to agonize over Krisco's claims? As Katie, Pia, and a plethora of other people said, "Even if that's true, all it shows is how pathetic the little skank is."
I've noticed my entries are getting longer. I'm starting to remember stuff without having to write it down.
We put out another issue of the 'zine! I'm so happy, the silliness of Dirk's article notwithstanding. Ken's gonna freak when he reads it, though. I took a direct shot at him, calling him unprofessional, and advising him to take his opinions and shove them where the sun don't shine. I'm getting so sick of his shit. I tried, really I did, but when he admitted to me that it cheers him up when he finds out my life sucks, I lost any sympathy I ever had for him. I can't even believe I ever dated him.
Dirk was sick today, poor thing. I pampered him (as well as I was able) by making him Kool-Aid and chocolate pudding (the good stuff. No low-fat, low-cal, low-taste garbage for my Dirk). I miss him. I wish he'd come to class with me tonight.
Is it just me, or am I starting to sound pathetically co-dependent?
It's coming down to the wire to find Dirk a place to live. I've got to figure out a way to convince my parents to take in his cat, Yahoo, until he finds somewhere to live. I don't know if Yahoo (I renamed her Booger, by the way) will fit in with my houseful of cats...if Sasha hates her, I'm afraid I won't be able to save her furry little butt. Sasha's a cat after my own heart...in other words, a complete bitch.
I was even feeling kind enough to buy Dirk a disposable camera, so that he could photograph the artwork and posters in his room, before he has to take it all down. As a side note, Krisco wrote "cheater" and "liar" on his walls again (Dirk had made her take them down). He forced her to promise to stay away from him and me, threatening to charge her with invasion of privacy.
I wonder, how did it feel when the truth finally sank in; when she realized she really didn't have a chance in hell of getting him back? Did it rip her up inside? Did she lie curled up, wishing she could die to escape the pain? I hope so.
I've felt that way for seven months now. It's her turn.