MY LIFE. as of whtever stinky day it is. oh. 17/3/98. that's right. 
.
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I was in the library yesterday at one of those pc internet terminals, and i SAW MY HMPAGE! On the MONITORS! The 15 inch monitor screens. ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! it looked TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! i hate my life. i hate all desktop terminals. I also hate lousy un-upgraded software..There's this gorgeous creamy beige colour i've been splashing all over my pages, u know what it looked like on the evil monitors? its was some pale vomit green. GREEN!!! i HATE greeN! I can't believe it looks so different. its not faaaaaiiiiiiirraaaaaaaahhhhhh! *bawl*

(so you know what i mean, this bkgrnd is a sample of the nice cream colour as seen on my screen. tell me if it looks classy and beige on ur screens or pale-putrid green.)
Shit lah. if i'd known...
    Anyway, im getting sick of doing this hmpage. all that trouble and only one other person uses a laptop and can see wht its supposed to look like. everyone else gets this horrible mutated slimy version of my work. Go get Netscape Communicator! dump that evil MS IE. Do yourself a favour. when Gates takes over the digital world u'll be hip and cool for not falling for the oh-so-micro-soft words of the bespectacled beezelbub.
.
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    Im banging this out on my keyboard now for catharsis and also to i dont know what. Probably something to do with telling u that my homepage is alot better than it looks. hah. 'minds me of this tagline: "Wagner's music is better than it sounds." isn't that such crap but i tell u its got sense. my gorgeous homepage. oh woe is me.

    Nevermind. new strategy in making pages. No more classy beige/aka puke green. And no more pressing enter at the end of random lines... it looks such a mess on wider screens....sigh. and no more assuming tables are that size all the time. gonna fix table size with pixels frm now on so there'll be alot of free bkgrnd space when u look at it. better than weird holes in the tables themselves. ok so depressing.

     Yar, i know i complain alot about making my homepage and u really don't care. Well i donch care dat u don't care. But im tired of thinking about it. Just one more thing though, to those pple who're waiting for the other Four stories to finish, I tell u, If everyone actually replied those stories ON TIME, they'd have been up like weeks ago. But noooo... a week's length to write 3 sentences and a 'yes i'll do it!' and guess what? i have to bug and nag to get the stories back after the deadlines are up. and i just luuuurrrrvve to be a bleeping pain in ur icq menu.

Yes. It sounds like im doing the hormonal tantrum cycle thing. Maybe i am. Don't really know. The only person who's ever kept track of my mood swings was my ex who charted them and planned out 'give her chocolate' days and 'she's always right' todays or 'hide from her' days. I think that was so sweet, manipulative even. But life goes on. And i crave chocolate. Craaaave.
    I think I could use a boyfriend now. To bring to cool concerts and stuff like that. D'ya know that all the coolest bands (read oasis, U2, metallica, radiohead, matchbox20, pearl jam, etc etc etc) have visited/are gonna come to sydney and I'm Not Going? No one i know will go with me!!!! either too square or broke. I haven't seen a single movie since Titanic either. I have no life my gdness. Im 18 and i'm allowed to watch the super R(a) movies and guess wht, i don't. At least the TV movies are good, like that day i watched Nell which is a lovely movie and the other day i saw this old episode of The Nanny(the one with the lesbian publicist) and i found out how much they censored off the s'pore version. Hilarious. One fun thing to do here is to talk about movies and then mention that u have to be 21 to watch it in s'pore and them watch them be incredulous. Funny funny...another fun topic is the car prices...but that depresses me too much to enjoy it enough. harumph.
    Anyway, i was talking about getting a boyfriend right... Yar. Would be great to have someone to go places with, but i don't think i can be bothered to spend time and effort in maintaining a relationship rite now...blah blah... maybe i haven't met the right person yet....blah blah....Heck. maybe during the graduation nightclub party thing i'll go and rape edwin. *ooooh*.

Hyukhyuk.. freaked u out!

if not, i suppose u know me. (yaaay).

    miss my friends. hope they're still my friends. The weird friend i was talking about in last week's page is still acting weird. So unbearably irksome. Anyway im *still* trying to get to the gym to lose a dress size and ohh..i almost got my SSA(s'pore students assoc.) card today..but they spelt my name wrong..
Hoe Shu Yin.  I could live with it i suppose..but i get enough bad jokes with my present surname i dun need a direct pun to deal with. Oh and at the SSA booth i was confusing the bunch of sods(no offense actually meant) about my name and there's this guy, who suddenly apologised to me about the error, and i Swear i've seen him before...and lots of times before at that, and i blurt out "Hey You look SO Familiar!" and then to my dismay he suddenly looks so bashful and frightened or whtever and i decided better leave him alone.  I wonder who he is though. Seriously SO familiar. If anyone knows someone who's in UNSW this year i might have seen before (like in acj or whtever), then msg me..he's short(i think), pale-faced(not my fault),..with a sweet timid hamstery smile. There. i'm sure he'd like that description. Maybe i'll bump into him again and make friends if he doesn't run away. He was nice..not like the other girl there, this snooty thing who deserved to be scared. Maybe next time. Have to go collect my new card in a few days.
    I don't really know why i joined..im not interested much in their activities(go-kart racing on saturday, bbq sometime ago), and the newsletter is ..um.. oh well, not much more than it ever set itself out to be i suppose. Maybe its just nice to know you belong to something, and that you're now linked to a bunch of people who all miss chilli crab...you never know, one of them might even have the recipe! *droooool*....crraaaave chilli crab......and chocolate....  uh..

    Well. Oh yes! I think i have to tell you about Mr Brown. Sometime ago, a friend sent me the url of Browntown, and i went there and promptly got impressed. Anyway, i didn't tell anyone about it and its occurred to me im not actually saying anything about it so i'll start now. Basically, its satirical stuff on current issues in s'pore, and its clever too. I fwded one of the weekly articles to yuexiang and i think that was it. When i got the same article fwded back to me later by yen, it was official. the rj bunch knows about it. Anyway, go visit the site. Its heap good stuff.
    Alllrighty. to end this (finally), I have this friend. One day, last week, he decided to write stuff, essays on life, and to spread his words around on massmail. I thought that was so brave i'm putting it up here(with my email reply). I think i have his permission..but just to be safe, i wun type out his name till he comes back on icq and i can ask him. :)  Make of it what you will, he's a weird one. oh wait! he's online again...letsseee..he wants to be known as....KREE. huh. well there.
    Meanwhile, to be drama, i make the bkgrnd black. cant go wrong with black...

What is the Ultimate Aim in Life? 
                                                         By KREE  (with my comments in blue) 
    
    Well, as I seat my insignificant self in front of my PC, I am supposed to be contemplating one of the most frequently asked Questions of all time (when in actual fact I should be doing my biochemistry homework, and replying MY email, although most people after reading whatever I have to offer would most definitely advise me to stick to doing the former). I will not pretend to have all the answers, but shall just give a personal account as to what I have thought of, be it day-dreams during lectures (now you know...), oh please. who doesn't. idle thoughts during my numerous bus-rides back home and so on.  

    So what are we exactly looking for as we live out our entire lives on  little pieces of rock floating on seawater y'know, to nitpick...the rock isnt floating on seawater...if it floats  
it uh..floats on magma..i suppose. oh i shldnt have started this.sorry. orbiting the solar system (which, incidentally is being flung out away from the centre of the universe at millions of kilometres per hour). Are we looking for job satisfaction? Or are we meeting needs set by our personal lifestyle demands? Are we looking for ever more ways to make money? you sound like a bank commercial. Or are we just here to have our own personal chance at getting a ticket into Heaven after living out a moral life? It is here that I propose a most stunning hypothesis (which I have to introduce so that we may all see my point): That we are merely chemical beings. We are but a cluster of cells which, in order to survive as a coherent whole are busy sending signals to each other, be it via neurotransmitters across synapses, or molecules of specially designed hormones that traverse the entire course of our bodies via blood capillaries in search of the target organs. likely i missed a point but this stunning hypothesis sounds so much like my bio syllabus for the final exams.  

    And now we come to what does this cluster of cells, which is not so different from a nation, want? Of course it has to survive, that goes without saying. And thus this rather motley bunch of organisms will feed when they need to, excrete when it has to and some members even, in an amazingly altruistic display, commit cellular suicide for the good of the body-nation. look! a devious reference to the evil carcinogenic radiation from cellular phones~! But what we must ask is: what is the purpose of its survival? As would be expected, these cells would of course hope to achieve cellular nirvana one day, thus attaining immortality. why? wldnt want to be immortal. not on earth anyway. tedious and boring. and life is lost by immortality. However, since a built-in timer has been set in the all our cells (except those renegade commando cells with oncogenic ammunition) we, as a body only have a while stocks last only type of limitation imposed on us. But no way are these cells going to give up without a fight. They decide on the next closest thing to immortality: reproduction. YES!! SEX!!! the good stuff.~!!!  

    And there we have it: we are here on planet Earth to procreate (yes, I definitely hear some cries of protest, though most are of disgust. And some stunned silence to boot) stop thinking like the censorship board . To copulate in fact. euphemisms. just say it! S-E-X! SEX! And the beauty of this whole grand scheme who thought of it? is that we need not overburden mother Earth with multiple replicas of ourselves. who would've thought. but then again.. "you are absolutely unique...just like everyone else." -someone. We almagate our very essence of individuality, our DNA, with a partner (hey, we share too… even at the cellular level) in the hope that our selves will be in some part, preserved on this wonderful planet of ours. yar. years after u die, someone will breathe in oxygen that used to be your leg. morbid. 

    All the things we do: earning tons of cash, buying a house, driving fancy cars, wearing nice clothes, working out to look good….. all the things we do? since when do we earn tons of cash, buy houses, drive fancy cars and work out? haha. wish wish. all are but part of the huge process in making ourselves desirable to the members of the opposite gender. However, I hasten to add that, to put it crudely, having sex is not the sole aim in life. This rather miraculous collection of cells that we are have something very valuable, called foresight. We know that to procreate is not enough, that we have to ensure the infant's survival. And so it is with this secondary aim that we continue to slog our lives away to hoard more cash (to feed the drooling youngster, to educate him/her) to buy better houses (so that he/she need not spend half the night searching for cardboard boxes) and buying cars (interestingly enough.. the act of allowing teenagers to drive does seem rather counter-instinctive now does it not?) again. this buying cars....and the 21 age limit...supposed to come into effect when? but wait, I do hear some protests now: What about love?, they say.  
protester 1: "what about love? we say."  
protester 2(male): "oh geez. u know its just all about sex."  
protester 3: "thats right!! lets get back to the sex!!"  
protista: "what about us? we're the original organisms! where's our bit in this?"  
But is the love we feel not just a flood-release of neurotransmitters in our brains when we see a familiar face that we are comfortable with? or cheeseburgers....or chocolate....or Beck...Why should it not be just a massive release of endorphins so that we get that ecstatic feeling? (in which case we would all know how these supposed love-potions would work, would we not?) i thought love potions didn't work. but ecstacy does, in that way...and then there's chocolate! aphrodisiac love potion. and yummy too. without queer bits of tiger. After all, in amnesiacs, when they see their former husbands or wives, do they feel love when they stare into this unfamiliar face thrust into their visual field? you start to explain then u ask a question. now im curious. do they? Or has something gone terribly wrong, like getting severe head injuries...so much so that the stimulus for 'love' is not present anymore? esp if the lover did the bonking...of the head that is..  

    As I have emphasised earlier on, I do not pretend to be right. In fact, for all I know I could be way off the mark as far as my concepts are concerned. But we learn, do we not? For all those who disagree, take a minute or two on those bus-rides to think why I am wrong. what's there to disagree with? i suppose you mean your idea, that people are cell processes and no more? i Disagree. why? coz i do. and because its so tempting to simplify rather than diversify(see ur own quote below)and also the simplest explanation most often is the right one. But, to myself, i am more than that. To the world, i am just a statistic, to the universe i am no more than a cell, and to the ends of infinity, i am nothing. Do i matter to you? then i am more than matter. If not, then it doesn't matter. don't be angry with me about this...im tired of doing english essays. (feedback is most welcome) And for those who agree totally, do not be a fool, because I know that at the very most, I am only partially right. i think this is cool....like how many pple actually spend time thinking, then writing an actual essay on their thoughts, and then to go even further, send the entire text to all their friends? so brave, i applaud you. 
 

~~ "We should make things as simple as possible... but not simpler."
 
Okay. i admit it. i was making fun of it..(im sorry Kree)... but the latest one he wrote was really pretty interesting...as far as i read it (i.e.minus the maths bits)...I'll put it up on my next page. Thanks ya Kree man~

Till next week! 


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