Hell.

Why am i writing this.

Im waiting for my latest assignment to be released.
Its now approximately 12.54am, Saturday-Sunday morning.
Yes, i think its so cool to get assignments released and due at 11.58pm on saturdays, and no, i am not as pathetic as this sounds.

I think i was supposed to write one of these Days ago... but i didn't (ahem). YES. That was an appropriately relevant way to bring in How Much Work i Had the Past Week. Actually right, i can't really complain... it wasn't *that* much... just the kind of work that was tough. You see, i started on my computing assignment one week late, which is not good. I quote (the person who said this), "You cannot complete a computing assignment in one week".

Well hah! i finished mine in two days! To be exact, friday night to early sunday morning, 4am.

    To be more exact, i found an entire population of bugs thriving and mating and reproducing like rabid pascal rabbits in my program one day later, and it ended up lining my trashcan while i restarted and rehauled and opened a new file, trying not to murder my stuffed white rat in a bout of catharsis.

    Even so, this stupid thing, which i missed a party and screening of Armageddon for, was declared finished (with some trepidation learnt from experience), and handed in (after a crash course in x-win32 with the Headless Chicken - who gave me a head start on things..so to speak... who's often ahead of the times... who appreciates a good pun and is obviously still waiting for one, to whom i'm temporarily indebted, i dedicate this ridiculously punctuated long bit of parenthesized text) in under a week! ahah!

    Of course once they open it it'll probably crash and burn and mess up the entire network.

    Oh Good.

    mwahahhahahahahaha.

    I wish.

Did i tell you why i attempted to finish it in one weekend in the first place? (no, of course not, so i'll tell you now.) The computing assignments are weird. In the sense that you don't necessarily know how to do them. Well, i don't anyhow. So, the only thing you (or i) can do is to just do it by trial and error...  if at first you don't succeed, try and try a loss. notice it's "trial and Error", not "trial and succeed". So apt. So anyway, since i didn't know how to do them, i didn't know how long it would take, and since i already lost a week out of complete blissful ignorance, i was in a mild panic, subsisting for one and a half day-nights on 2 cans of salt&vinegar Pringles and the pillar of hope [or salt? (and vinegar?)] that "there IS a solution, damnit." <insert bad pun about precipitates here>

    I lost my brain a few days back, and was thinking of doing a co-degree in computer science with my psychology degree, doing the 4th year honours in psych.

    Someone tell me not to.

    I know i won't be continuing with philosophy though. That sentence was actually a contradiction in terms(or semesters) since for the past 5 weeks, the philosophy classes have been concentrating solely on 'Knowledge' and what it is how we have it do we have it? no of course not because blah blah blah but what about yadah yadah yadah? well that is stupid. Bah! blah you, Plato, think u're so smart. why don't u stuff a socrates up your assumptions, you gay dog. Stop flirting with my nephew Theatetus (or was it theatus...theaseus? thesaurus?).

    I hate maths too. Who was the bloody idiot who invented the square root of (-1), and thought Other people needed to know about it? huh? I say put an epistemologist (philosopher concerned with the theory of knowledge) and a complex(hah) number mathematician in a room, arm them with sharp weapons, and let them argue about the manipulation of numbers that don't even exist and the non-existence of real numbers in general, since hey. how do u know there is a reality at all? draw me the perfect circle why don't you, you platonic Form-ist.
 
    Forgive me if that was a little hard to follow. Go read Sophie's world and don't cheat by flipping to the back. Its tedious but u'll appreciate the ending that little bit more, which, as far as most books go,  *is* a pretty good ending.

    Philosophy's not really all that bad i guess, but that all really depends on how i do on my essay (worth 30% of my final grade). Its due pretty soon too, and i have yet to start. If i get a really good grade on it, i'll probably just decide i love philosophy and i'll even stop making fun (and really bad puns) of it, but if i fail miserably (so likely), i'll just have to hate it.

    So far this has been another yabberfest on my subjects at uni. It must seem like i have no life, like im a socially inept sad individual who stays at home writing bug-filled programs instead of going to parties, who waits around for the release of the next assignment - thinly veiled excuse for staying in and cancelling violin lessons (i had sooo much work i couldn't find any time to practise... ), who... who... uh.

    I'm going to a party next saturday. (Ah! sweet redemption! i am not a geek!)
 
    There are two to choose from... One's this R&B event-thing held by some radio station... sounds fun, and a friend is going which is always good cos then you have someone to cling to... The other one is infinitely cooler, but it's not confirmed. Anyway, its organised by a dj/scriptwriter/film researcher/musician/drag queen. Camp-y~!

    As things go, however, i'll probably end up at the r&b one, considering i have nothing 'respectable' enough to wear to the other one. Unless i go invest in some fuschia feather boas... Oh wait! i have to tell you about my latest buy. LEATHER BOOTS!! Think Black Leather, ending just below the knee, and Heeled. hehehehehehehehehehehehhh. Brilliant or what? Sometimes i think they're too kinky for me but then i think 'nahh..'. However, typical of suyin situations is that i have nothing to wear them with. So of course i must go shopping again. Oh yes. heheh. heheheh... mwahahahahahahahahah!!! *laughter erupts in a frenzy of grilled cheese* ..oh wait. that's my sandwich. sorry. *wipe wipe*

    Well anyway, one of the fun things about having a homepage is the virtual facade it allows you to create. no really, im serious. haha. it [is] one way to publicise yourself, one really good method to evade having to explain yourself:

        "Who's Beck?"
        "go see my homepage"

        And speaking about guestbooks...(another neat opening!), i like to think i have a unique guestbook. For one thing, i reply the entries (100+ so far), and the guestbooks keep running out of space which is why i have about 4 now, and about to add another soon. In the 4th(latest) guestbook, i put in a line for the signer(?) to ask me a question. Now most people just ask something clever like "Why?" or "Wht for?" or the more eloquent and specific "huh?". One or two actually spend time thinking of good questions that i fail miserably in trying to justify with my reply, but i try... and actually, u can ask anything you want. i will answer. So go sign it!. heheh...

        But what i really wanted to talk about was this other person's guestbook. I digress too much. This flatterer incorporated my question-thing into his own guestbook, which i signed, and he accordingly replied. Because of the kind of person i am, i just Have to comment on that reply. Have the last word, that sort of thing. Also i cannot bear being treated the way i treat some of those who sign my guestbook.

My question was, How fast does Time flow?

 Time doesn't flow. Time rises from the surface of existence in little fizzy bubbles. And depending on where you're looking, it might be fast or it might be  slow. Sit on one of the bubbles and Time doesn't even move at all.            - replied by the fizzy fish.

 
Dear Mr. Fizzy Fish,

    Please explain fizzy bubbles. How do you make a bubble fizzy? How does Time rise? Does it have anything to do with bicarbonate of soda? fizzy soda?

Faithfully yours,
Suyin.
 

    I'm a nitpicker and a horrible person. I also display all my horrible guts out to the world-at-large (or just the small bit of the small bit of the (small bit of the)ⁿ world that visits this page), and i say, Love me for who I am, the smartarse who just Has to give u a smartarse reply, who wants everyone to like her, even those she doesn't like. Especially those. People who don't like you, will persist in not liking you (if they're stubborn asses), and in doing so, everything you do will be accorded to their dislike, including their interpretations of your basic behaviour. You will become a worse person when u're with them because that's how they see you. Best to avoid that altogether, tiring as it gets.

    Once upon a time, i said something like 'humans do alot of stupid things, being human. You should just ignore their little mistakes and forget about them'. I said this after doing something rather stupid and embarrassing. It prolly would've been easier to just say 'to err is human' blah blah, hah aren't we the cliché spewer today.

    To err is human. To umm is also human - filched from this unsw compscience/engineering e-zine-thing that seems to have ended publication in 1995 which is a pity cos it was funny, judging from past issues.

        So what the hell is my point anyway?

        Can't remember.

        To moo is bovine,
        To baa is ovine.
        To wine is to dine
        from a vine.

        Still no point comes to mind.

        Sometimes i act like a smartarse. i hereby confess. I know it must be irritating cos someone did that to me recently and i felt like stuffing that person's head up a turkey's intestines, and then it hit me. no, not the turkey, but  the realisation that i have been just as cocky and stupid while thinking i was so smart.

        So i'll try to stop. If i get like that while talking to you, gently ignore it and forgive me because you are a better human, or a worse one?

        To heir is divine

        Oh guess what. The second assignment is out. I shall go read it so i can come back to this page and rant and vent about it.

        Oh Sod it. Its HAAAAARRRDDDD!!!!!! *whine*

        I feel mildly trapped. Once one assignment is due, the next one is given. I still haven't done my philosophy essay, i've hardly even thought about it, which isn't good since according to my tutor, 'philosophical essays are there just to demonstrate that you've done some thinking'. I also have a math assignment, using stupid software that i can only use in the school computers (idiots), and a psychology lab report coming up. I'm not exactly piled with work, but because all these assignments are compulsory, i Have to do them. Along with the tutorials... along with the tests, along with the Maths (spawn of evil), along with trying to have a life...

        I had a dream last night. I dreamt i was pregnant. i remember thinking whoever the father was, he wasn't important, and didn't actually appear anyway. It was one of those dreams where u find yourself in a situation that makes you see things from a point of view you wouldn't normally be able to imagine. It was So incredible. In that dream, i was Completely and Utterly freaked out by the idea of childbirth, the Pain, etc, but at the same time, i could Not even consider abortion. This is incredible, considering that before last night, i always thought that if i was ever with a child i hadn't planned for, i would abort. However, its not so easy is it. Its not whether its a zygote or an embryo or a foetus or just the potentiality of life... It's something you're nuturing in yourself, something you're protecting and something you're helping to create. To abort would be a betrayal. Having said that, i hope i never find myself in that situation. Also, one video Not to show to women in pre-abortion counselling is the one about childbirth we saw in bio class. I can't handle horror movies. Childbirth is not a beautiful experience. well maybe it is for like.. the Father.. or the child... but it sure looked like the mother was going through hell. *shudder* Suddenly i appreciate my mother heaps more.

    My mom bakes great chicken pies. Someday i will find out how she does it. Maybe i will even find out how to use the stove. Someday, i will bake muffins, just you wait. I will put many nuts in them. And chocolate, and fruits galore. My muffins will be splendiferous, monumental, rising to great heights and fluffiness. With alot of crispy top and less bottom, the ideal muffin. Or as Plate-O might say, the Form of the Muffin.