"Vegetables"
"No agony, no ecstasy, no pleasure and no pain -"
"so exquisitely uninteresting you drive your wife insane"
"The TV is your oracle, the newspapers your guide"
"and your shiny little vehicle is your passion and your pride"
"You've done the same things every day for nigh on forty years"
"and in your ludicrous routines you hide your worthless fears"
"On the blandest boat in Boredom you are captain of the crew -"
"and every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you..."
"You died the day that you were born, and now you sit and rot"
"an empty-headed dinosaur in the pond that time forgot"
"Your image is respactable, there's nothing underneath"
"and the whole thing is as surely false as nine-tenths of your teeth"
"Your views are carbon copies of the rubbish that you read"
"and you swallow every morsel Rupert Murdoch seeks to feed"
"You go to bed at ten because you've nothing else to do -"
"and every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you."
"Your sex life is a catalogue of your poor wife's frustrations -"
"like thousands of Red Indians, she has her reservations"
"And so she took a lover; of course you'll never know -"
"the last time you made love to her was many years ago"
"And if you had some spirit it wouldn't be so bad:"
"it's your awesome anonymity which makes me get so mad"
"Your brain stem is a nether world where bored trainspotters queue"
"and every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you."
"You're a cabbage in a pickle and your brain has sprung a leek"
"so lettuce keep our distance 'cos I vomit when you speak"
"I'll always do a runner so I'm going where you've bean"
"'cos to see you chills my marrow and turns my tomatoes green"
"You're an eighteen carrot cretin with a dandelion whine -"
"so stick to your herbaceous border and I'll stick to mine"
"And although this verse is corny, it's amazing but it's true"
"that every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you!"
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