Words are an obstacle when used to convey actual experience. Likewise this essay cannot give the reader the actual experiences of its author. However one may use language, the result can only come close to the reality that each individual encounters in life. One could say it never comes anywhere near the purely experienced existence. When attempting to reveal the flaw of language, it never shows itself unless thinking in images, sounds, senses and especially the lack of any word-driven inner monologue. Perhaps this hypocrisy is the true barrier to effective communication using words, evident mainly in the inability to describe everything exactly. The author's goal here is not to reveal anything new regarding existence or the reason or nature of mankind, but to delve into and examine with words and images a few topics that may uncover the nature of a single man existing among and within all others. Laughing in the mirror at the incredible diversity of the human facial muscles, and thinking about the expressions people make when conveying experience with words, with their hands and faces makes one realize there is more to it than just words. There is unspoken language communicated directly between animals and plants and rock and air and everything that is. All things affect all things in ways words cannot and will never describe. The all-encompassing truth will never be known as long as words are the tool. One day man will come to a surprising realization, the author hopes, that pictures and music will become the preferred method of indirect communication with one another. Direct encounters with live, actual experience may be one step beyond that point. The author, levendis, will draw and paint and poet for the purpose of obtaining the essence of this idea until death embraces his spirit and the mind stops expressing with words.

The brain may not actually be the source of mind. Perhaps the intelligence acquired by mankind is a united mind that exists throughout the physical universe, and is shared by all things. A brain in an animal or a network of communication within a plant is merely a concentration of the unified intelligence. Because the collected consciousness is generally not aware of the entire collective, this could be why mankind thinks so individually of itself. Each person tends to find a certain calm or peace in knowing the inner self, and likewise can know the horror and fear that comes with ignorance of the whole.

When speaking of higher states of mind or consciousness, which could easily be termed "lower" or "base" consciousness, one reveals the ineptitude of such descriptions. The use of language to question mind tends to destroy the philosophy, by one opinion, but could just as easily be described as having the whole truth of the philosophy, since most every human uses thinking to think with words or language. Regardless the mind will remain elusive as long as the mind is doing the thinking about the mind. It tends to stir itself up, because the questions relate back to the questioner, leading to feedback. Just the thought of thinking, as trivial as it may sound, can easily lead to the thought process of thinking about thinking, then turning to the conscious thought about the thought process of thinking about thinking, and so on. This may be why psychologists and therapists are so popular, because some people cannot think about their own egos without tremendous feedback that comes on so fast they do not recognize it for what it is. If just once every human as an adult could experience the unified totality of mind and ego-loss shared among all matter and all living things, perhaps no therapy or psychoanalysis would be needed.

When ideas spring forth, I come to a crossroad where I can choose one of many pathways, or all simultaneously. There are ideas about floating spherical glass objects near a mountain peak with snow. The image is so nearly perfect I am inclined to believe it is an actual object, a truly existent object in this physical universe. To me, what I have experienced is a creation process whereby the simple association of an object of the imagination with the concept that it may be physical as well makes it so. Ideas are as concrete as the road under your car, and I believe they have solidity as well. Understand, however, that you may never actually find or touch and handle the object of imagination. It exists in a theoretical state of physical existence.

My ideas about other things stir emotion to go along with the object created. Simply thinking about a stream of water flowing down a rocky canyon carving a deep gorge in the earth, even one I have never seen and so am creating it as I think it; can be felt with the rush of adrenaline when exited. Emotive response to a concept or idea would indicate the emotions do not require physical existence to evoke a reaction. Using emotion as an indicator of existence then leads to two choices. Either it does not matter to human emotions whether something is real or imagined to provoke a response, or the two states, real and imagined; are one in the same. This is all just an abstract line of reasoning, but it reflects a bigger picture; one where the real and imagined experiences conjure feelings similar if not identical to each other. With that as a stance one can easily fall victim to the realization that nothing is real or imagined, and that there is no difference between activities that occur while observing physical events and thinking of them or imaginary events and the thoughts they evoke.

When I look at a mirror and see myself looking back at me, I begin to wonder if maybe the reflection of me is having a different experience than me. What if the image of everything seen through the looking glass is more than just light's ballet? This concept tends to lessen the impact of the ego as being completely individual, since my reflection could be thinking of me thinking of it. I see myself as an extension or concentration of the unified mind or consciousness, but only when losing the self, the I and the me. Therefore the individual rules most of the time.

As I conduct this examination I realize my ego is doing the talking. My individual self reflects on my existence. I could ask another individual to think of me in a way that examines my ego. Since this person could only relate their experience of my individuality with words then we have reached a roadblock. I think perhaps because of our unique identities, we can only communicate on the surface. The tension of the surface of water is similar, except the ego may be much stronger relatively with its ability to hold someone's thoughts on the subject of "this person I am." To break the surface tension I must see the ego for what it really is, at least in my case; the culmination of my thoughts about what other people might be thinking about me. With that as the backbone of the theory the ego can be leveled with the idea of the unified consciousness, such that the reactions I have with respect to others have built up the concept of ego as being real to my world. This realization of the dynamic construct of self, called ego, allows me to reject me and see the we behind the me.

Walking along a trail in the middle of a forest, an animal may take many different paths to reach the same place as the other animals. There may very well be conscious decisions about direction, especially considering a model of mind, which says all things are joined throughout by a pervasive intellect in concentrations. The human reaction to a forest in the context of decisions about paths will differ from individual to individual in a way directly associated with the subjects' division of brainpower devoted to images and sounds as opposed to words and language. The person who, as they travel in the trees, talks to themselves about the things they see using an inner monologue of sentences strung together will definitely see the world differently than the other; who sees the fractal construction of the trees with all the twigs, branches, leaves and buds and all their colors with no words at all. By seeking to consume all there is to know about all the details of every thing which passes the restricting valve of constructed ego, the latter person could say they are more alive. Alive in the sense this person needs more neural capacity to absorb and reflect on as much of the scene around as possible.

To try to find the state of consciousness where one obtains livelihood is impossible, for it must come to each person as a result of individual experience. The search is not futile, but to only search without also simply "being" as a natural consequence of being made of dynamic matter and energy. In essence, the nature of being man is to search for the answers; and the nature of animal is to simply be the answer. So seek yourself and your place in your reality, and find the answer in simply being.

We realized some time ago there were more than one ego driving this human animal around the worlds. The first experiences we remember, as "many" seem to be more stretched out and described with greater detail than any prior single personality recorded. This discrepancy comes about currently, as we find there are moments of singular personality and moments of several. Identity suffers under this constant dynamic behavioral fluctuation, but the only thing that never changes about us is the fact we never stay the same. The myth of having distinct and nameable personalities amongst us has never finally resolved itself. We know the primary ego and can identify with the creative personalities, but the diversity defies descriptions.

There is a place of serenity from this accursed affliction, one during which we do not have the use of words, and the unified consciousness reveals itself in the images and music of our tortured mind. The parallels between the idea of collected intelligence and the oddity of multiple selves are immediately apparent; however unexpected. We realize the extent of dynamic personality is a creation of the primary ego, but it is not ignored based upon logic alone. As such there are continued revelations about who we are as a combination of several or a single creative personality. Remarkably there are few societal repercussions stemming from this "flaw" according to relevant psychiatry, for we are a living example. Some of us disagree about when the first signs started, or if the symptoms were there all along or even inherent in every human individual. This still has no affect on the relationships we keep among many states and cities across this continent. In the end, we hope to combine with all other unique people, for every encounter changes personality; as such you are different for reading our work.

The culmination of control of mind and the battlefield of dominion ends with a final blow. The strike comes hard and fast and consumes all the energy it takes to live and think and breath and all of everything that ever exists now and in the past and future forever in each direction. This is the revelation and enlightenment of the admittedly crazed. The hermit, wise man, wizard or guru could all easily be described according to current behavior analysis as insane; at least when considering western thought. It is not created solely for the entertainment it brings, though this is commonly considered to be a primary goal. I think we consider the existence of imaginary creations from our collected uni-mind as part of and one with the entirety of the whole. When staring at the image of a sketch or finished work of mine I get the sensation I have returned to the place of we and we sense the existence of a reality created entirely by our mind. The idea: creative instinct and imagined experience are one with a distinct reality of physical existence. The two states of being are created individually and transition between them is incredibly intense and exiting with a rush of adrenaline and hair-raising adventure. Just like a child would see, everything seems new as if for the first time seen. We guess I could not let go of the ambitious, curious and absorbing nature of the young child mind. Part of the energy to do the transition on purpose comes from concentration. It requires intense specific attention to small details and the realization of the finished whole before the first line is drawn. The I speaks of the examination from a self-reflecting point of view and finds no insanity at all. The we are feeding back the information at an enormous rate which is boggling the entire mind yesterday, today and tomorrow. We are not insane because we know we are insane, therefore we know how not to be insane or appear that way…

Ultimately identity rests with the individual's own body, including limbs, torso, senses, ailments and concentration of intellectual oneness. Since thinking in humans seems to be related to body, individuals form their own ego to better describe reality. Some people pay more attention to their body and its functions, while others may pay more attention to others' bodies. This author tends to have an equal share of paying attention. Comparison is the goal, for uniqueness and individuality starts with the physical formation of self, the body; and how it differs from everyone else's. Everyone reacts differently to the environment, and there are many experiences the human body can be exposed to, many of which can be helpful in health and can change the psyche.

Since one could say that intelligence in humans is simply a concentration of the unified intelligence, and that concentration comes from the sophistication of the neural network present in the human brain. Indeed, most animals possess brain and nervous system matter in similar complicated arrangements of neurons, and by the rationale of focused common intelligence resident in brain chemistry and electricity, it stands to reason that animals are no less intelligent than we. Perhaps they are less developed in the area of adaptation to environment than the human species. This would indicate the rapid development in humans comes from the maximum adaptability in the least time, by creating tools and language to aid in that evolution. It is possible that the evolution and adaptation of the human species may culminate in the realization of common mind, and with that revelation comes the casting away of the body, to live and learn in the vast reaches of all dimensional space; not just the physical world.

Historically, the beginning of every life is known as birth. To be born from the womb of internal creation is the beginning. There is birth for all of earth's creatures and plants, so all have a distinct beginning. In fact most creatures exhibit the strongest desire to recreate themselves as much as possible, to ensure survival of the species. Therefore birth can be called the primary goal of life, the calling to preserve and continue life anew. This is the start of the cycle, the first step toward life; this is birth. Some say a soul from some long-dead being in the past occupies the space of the newborn. Each new body or plant is a receptacle or vessel to hold a spiritual soul in this concept. Visualize the unified mind with the idea of vessels being simply concentrations of complicated neural matter, and the theory of past lives being born again makes sense, as all matter would still be thinking matter from before as time is unknown to the uni-mind.

I believe there are too many new human births on this planet and the human species has occupied and raped the land with too large a population to be healthy. At the time of this writing there are approximately six billion people on the planet, with ninety million additional people each year. At this rate of growth the human population will certainly exceed the earth's valuable resource threshold, at the expense of future generations. Education about contraception and abortion has the ability to reduce the size of the population to about two billion where it would stabilize; and the earth could begin to rebuild the population of other species of life. Because humans have the ability to bend nature to do their bidding does not give them the right to do so. There are limits to the expansion of human knowledge at the expense of the entire planet's life and future livelihood. The time for change has come, for the climax draws closer as the population explodes.

Waking, confused as to the existence of the reality of what has occurred, in the dream-state; wonder myself back to sleep. This flux has always made me lost as to what is happening, if anything at all. Dreams are confused with life at large, what is real? The desire to continue clutching at the treasure held to my breast, only to find it was never there; confounds me. Sometimes, that desire makes me fall back to sleep and keep dreaming the same treasure-filled dream; hoping perhaps this time it will be real, and the reality where it isn't will not be. Confusing, definitely. Then there are the lucid dreams. There I am, perched on the edge of a building on campus, peering down at the students making their way slowly to class; and with a leap and a swoop, I fly or float down to where they are. Each time I know the dream is happening, and I will the events to follow my whim. This is the most fantastic feeling, succumbing to desire and forget the cares and worries of actual life. I begin to think this is the real thing, and the confined space and time of real life must be a creation of the mind; since the mind is such a free-form tumultuous rocky ride, how could such uniformity and stagnation be real? Especially knowing there is a place and a time where what you will is what is. Continuing this trend, I start dreaming while awake; not the typical daydream of thought, but a reality conceived entirely while observing the present world. Fully aware and awake and knowing such- but taken to a world observed only within the sphere of the mind, a surreal place of skeletal creatures and spiral formations in the sky and in the water and all moving, twisting, writhing, suffocating the real world, existing completely and totally real, physical to the touch in the mind's vivid landscape. I am determined to let others feel and see the same thing, using the pen and the fractal dream-land.

Death is the beginning. I contradict my earlier statement that birth is the beginning, however my reality sees them as being one in the same. To die is to become food for the Earth, such that the Earth may provide for others to live. Therefore death is no more difficult to deal with than the excitement of a newborn's arrival. I am happy when someone dies. They are slowly decomposed (or quickly, if left on the surface) by insects and rodents, fungus and mold. In my travels I have come upon many bones and collected them. They are the strongest result of the animals' systems, everything else becomes soil for plants. This cycle never ends. All things called alive eventually become dead, there is no animal or plant which escapes this trip. I feel it is important to celebrate death to give the dead the respect of the Earth as a continuation of the whole cycle. Never ends. To join the Earth in a different way, not a conscious after-life but spreading out cell by cell, molecule to molecule, atom by atom in various chemical, electrical and biological processes of breakdown. I do not want a funeral. My body will be wrapped in linen and dropped into the Pacific Ocean, from an airplane. Food for the aquatic life. I have several ideas about this, perhaps my naked body will be dumped in a dry, desert canyon in Northern Arizona, to be food for the vultures and coyote. My remains shall be deposited in an active volcano on the Hawaiian islands. Every possibility beats the box. Why separate the body from the soil and the life that could use the body's remains? With a closer examination of the observable, logical death cycle; one walks in the forest and experiences life and death simultaneously- there are trees and cactus and shrubs, and the remains of them as well. All around in the natural world are examples of this co-mingling, only in the artificial world of hu-man is death so appalling and undesireable.

There is a place unlike any most people have ever experienced. It is not just a place, but an existence entirely new and unique from the one traveled every day. If one fasts for several days in the remote jungle chanting and sitting and reveling in simply being- one might attain what some call enlightenment, nirvana, ecstasy- become aware for the first time of the beauty of the world and the ugliness of the world, simultaneously- and the vastness of the ALL and the tinniest of the SMALL, concurrently- seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling, knowing everything about the ALL and the SMALL- falling in a helpless spiral of hallucinogenic thoughts about the immediate world or the imagined landscape- entheogens bring about this change in mind- I myself have tasted the bittersweet knowledge from the likes of lysergic acid diethylamide 25 and similar alkaloids on paper, microdot, gel and in liquid drops, from psilocybin mushrooms found on bovine dung, from the tetrahydrocannibanol and other cannibanoids found in marijuana, from the methyline di-methoxy methamphetamine of the synthetic XTC, from the man-made mescaline and its natural cousin peyote, from the 5 MEO dimethyl-triptamine found in the dried venom of the Colorado River Toad. Each of these places traveled brought about a change in the inner workings of the mind and the perception of reality has received a skew in the polar opposite direction from the reality of the fore. Each step in the long road to transcendence whether chemically induced or delirium crazed whips the floating, disembodied entity to revelation! To an ecstatic land of the care-free, non-societal inner self attached to the vision of the entirety, never forgotten- the lay of the mind before the view of the soul and the treachery of the unit to its self, never forgotten- To the makers of self religion just say KNOW to ENTHEOGENS.

Imagine yourself getting smaller, relative to everything else, except you- and see the world become so huge around you there is nothing recognizable anymore. Suddenly you become aware of chemical reactions in a way never seen with the naked human eye, exploding shafts of energetic light as electron clouds of one atom combine with the molecular structure of the ingredients of the glass of orange juice sitting on the table in front of you into which you have fallen; down deep within the atoms of the reaction, so the scene beheld is a subatomic realm of uncertainty- Fall further- deeper into your smallness until you have reached infinitely small, and a vague impression comes over you as you realize the complete opposite is true! You have now reached an infinite size and are aware of countless universes and realities within what was once perceived as an objective space. Continue to travel smaller still, see the galaxies arranged around much the same way as the atomic reactions seen earlier. If this pattern you imagine emerges in your recognition, you may be aware of the totality. If you feel as though every atom or subatomic particle were made up of tiny universes, this might indicate awareness of the ALL. If everything is made of the substance matter/energy, and everything exists for the sake of altering the substance's properties in organized and chaotic arrangements, then the totality is an embodiment of the idea of pantheist thought. There is no means to determine if the universe is structured this way, however awareness of an imagined totality has the potential to be reality for the dreamer. I remember seeing the entirety of the whole coinciding directly with the infinitely small and feeling at once insignificant facing the entire universe, yet comfortable knowing there were infinitely many of me thinking the same thing in every particle of me that exists. Since then, I have grown to love the existence of all things, in all places.