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Volume
4, Issue 3 November 19th, 1997 Issue Message |
Issue
Message
(by RevBade)
Well, incase you couldn’t tell, the last issue which really sucked cause I just threw it together real fast, was jammed full of crap, while this issue which looks a lot better has hardly anything in it, cause submissions were down this time. I don’t know folks, I mean I want The Plug to come out every other week, and I thought that YOU wanted The Plug to come out every other week, but you don’t seem to want that anymore. The Plug doesn’t just magically appear, people have to write for it, and that means you. Give me half an hour out of you life every other week and write something.
Also, what is up with you complaining that I need to print more copies of The Plug? I don’t see you giving me any money. I got about 3 bucks for this issue, if that much. This thing costs money, so until you guys are actually willing to pay, stop your whinning.
As for this issue, well, it’s got stuff from some new people, stuff from people who don’t write that much.. But what about you old timers? What happened to that ‘Sure, I’d love to be a regular writer’? Or what about those of you tell me every time that you are going to have an article, then the deadline roles around and it’s not done. There are some people who have been working on an article for the past three issues. That is a month and a half. Now I know you got school and a social life, but I know it doesn’t take that long to write an article. So get off your asses and finish it already.
Ask Dr.
Corwin
(by Corwin)
Question from The IRS: What are you a doctor of?
Answer: I have a Doktorate in the Forbidden Sciences, issued to me by the Church of the SubGenius. Its an honorary degree. And no, I'm not kidding.
Question from Bork: Help! I think I'm a kleptu. I keep walking off with people's things.
Answer: You're from Kleptonia? I hear the social repression there has completely eliminated crime; you must be some sort of fluke. I suggest that you mail yourself via UPS to Rutgers right away for a medical exam.
Question from Snotty: I have this problem, whenever I sneeze I also fart. Why does this happen?
Answer: Your head is obviously up your ass. When you sneeze, the air has to go somewhere.
Question from Hoe-mi-neem: My sister is an alien. She talks funny, has a dazed look all of the time, and she just had another whole put in her head. What should I do?
Answer: Another whole what? The whole thing? In her head? ANOTHER WHOLE? How can there be more than ONE WHOLE?
Question from Oscar: What are hotdogs REALLY made of?
Answer: Hot dogs are made out of beef scraps or turkey scraps, depending on what type of dog they are. By 'scraps' I mean all the gunk that's left over after the real meat is stripped away. This includes fingernails, cigarette butts, phlegm, and dog poop.
Question from Baboon butt: Is it true that if you hold your breath when you go poop it will come out purple?
Answer: Why don't you try it? Maybe you should talk to that guy who farts when he sneezes. If you combine your intellects you might be able to come up with a new nasal spray/cheese substitute product.
Studboy's
Public Apology
(by Studboy)
Word up G, dis be my public iz sorry to yas. Seems da chicks think iz ah sexual or sometin, some shit like dat.
I'm a parody. Don't get so uptight. I don't even actually exist. I'm making fun of people who think like this. With their crotch.
So next time yas gets up in da bunch wit yo panties, slap m' fro you jive turkey. Iz justa character in dis rag.
Sides yous really think dat I coulda typed all dis shit if I wuz dis stoopid? Nah man, I just hafta get some lameass geekboy ta type it for mah studly self, an dat nerd woulda had da smarts ta run ah spellcheck.
Marylin
Manson Made Me Kill Myself
(by Baxter Inflammatory)
For someone to kill themselves over song lyrics requires one of three things to be true about that person:
1. They were predisposed to suicide - in English, they already thought about killing themselves before.
2. They were weak minded (ignorant) and easily influenced
3. They were living in a closet environment where suicide stimulus was forced upon them
In the recent case where that stupid dead boy's father said his son killed himself over Marylin Manson's lyrics is almost certainly of type one. If
it was not, then type two becomes a real possibility - certainly the father is rather ignorant to have brought up a son who so easily consumed the lie-candy offered by the painted hand of a corporate publicity stunt.
As far as Manson's lyrics, I'm not impressed. Even a band like Green Day has more to say than Manson's rehashed teen angst bullshit. Manson is the Gothic deathrock equivalent of the Spice Girls.
My
Hall!
(by Lady Smooth)
First of all I have to thank Corwin for bitching about The Plug not having much of a political opinion anymore, which reminded me that I was meaning to bitch about some of the school years rules. Here’s some of the sass.
Alright, the new rule about not being in the halls during class: ‘They’ call this camping. We think of it as a comfort. Well we also aren’t allowed to eat there either. But that we know is caused by us. Yes, the wonderful minority of the student body who neglects to pick-up their own food and trash. Come on people, how hard is it to be the mature people you are and refrain from launching your partially eaten meals and Pepsi cans at your peers? Geeze! Those were OUR halls and now they are just another part of the prison type landscape at CHS. The food rule could have been easily avoided if some of you used your common sense, even what little you may have. But the undeserved rule is the ‘no camping’ in the halls.
The school ‘thought’ that we were being a disturbance to classes if we were present in the halls. Though this was true in some cases but mostly people just sat around and ate their pop-tarts. But now they say that we have to hang out in the ever so popular CHS cafeteria. YUCK! Little do they realize, that we need the space in the halls. Whether you notice or not, there ARE a lot of students here and it’s not a great idea to cram them all into one area. Sure, we can hang out side, but with our wonderful weather, that doesn’t work either. But the biggest problem with it is that this school has a wonderful variety of people. Which I think is great! But they don’t all feel comfortable around each other in the same place.
As many of you have probably noticed, there are a lot of people who are still sitting in the halls anyway, despite the lame-ass hall rule. What the school needs to understand is that the halls provide a space for everybody to go. Sure, there’s a little bit of self segregation but at least it wasn’t dangerous, instead it became a comfort zone. This caused a lot of social tension to become nonexistent. Sure, it was clickish but it worked. And I’ll bet there were less fights. Forcing everybody to be in the same place makes a lot of people uncomfortable and maybe even feel invaded in their personal space. The halls provided a place for people to feel more secure and unendangered. It was personal and comfortable. The student body spread themselves out around the school. So members of the G.S.A. (gay straight alliance) were able to have a safe place in their area of the school. Unharmed, unbothered. I only use the G.S.A as an example, because they are subject to a lot of criticism and harassment. Though I fully support them. Being in the halls would also decrease harassment. And don’t think that harassment doesn’t exist at CHS, because IT DOES! Not letting us be in the halls enforces the belief that CHS is a prison.
The students deserve freedom to roam the school and create their own comfortable environment so that they feel they belong. Closing the halls just creates a crammed tense indifferent unenjoyable environment and the students deserve to create their own habitat. The self segregated groups in the school deserve to have that freedom. If the halls were reopened people would immediately flock to their personal space, creating individual comfort zones and lessening the harassment within these groups. The students NEED this comfort, and they don’t deserve not to. Then their focus from that would be eliminated and turned back to their classes. I miss MY HALL, don’t you miss yours? Lets get off our asses and stick it to the school board, don’t think it can’t be done. Because it can, they may not have faith in us, but we have more sway then any of us realize.
If you have any comments or would like to help/participate in my upcoming petition to take out halls back, then e-mail me at
This is the only way to make a difference, and it can be done!
Conspiracy
Theory
(by Sabrewulf)
This is what the student handbook says (really): "Do not store money, leather coats, fund-raising items or any other valuables in your locker. This includes purses and packs."
Okay, that means the only things you MAY keep in your locker are oh, say, a pencil (but not one of those expensive mechanical ones, mind you.), a broken calculator with no 6 or 2, a few lost freshmen (In case you forget your lunch money), but nothing valuable. All a locker is, is a big metal case with a combo lock on it, what makes you think they are safe?
This is what I think: the administration is obviously trying to get everyone to carry their valuables on them at all times. Why, you ask? Simple. Organized crime. They steal the money, leather jackets, and other valuables from the students, and sell them to pay for their illegal cheese smuggling operation. But they are smarter then you may think. They took a cue from the Nixon administration: when you have dirty work to be done, don’t risk doing it yourself, pay someone else to. They cut in certain members of the senior class to rip off, and they deny all knowledge when someone is caught in the act. I guess that’s the democratic system at work!
But I’m going to shut them down. I have an informant on the inside, known only as "Mr. Chuckletrousers" who has informed me of a major shipment of provolone and cheddar headed for West Albany on the 29th. I have already set up a major sting operation involving the mass release of a highly trained regiment of half-starved Guatemalan goat-mice! BEWARE, KUNKE! I’M ON TO YOU!!