Dictation software is hopeless when you're sick, and the only words you are able to croak out sound like a five-year-old with snot-nose: By dose is very stubbed ub, see? Sucks to be me.

When Bill Clinton goes out of town, Al Gore is in charge. Whatever Al says goes, and Newt Gingrich (and everyone else) has to deal with it. Now, sure, Bill can come back, take Al out to the shed and slap him around a little, and override Al's decisions. Until he does that, though, Al is god.

I am Al Gore. I'm acting like Newt Gingrich. Tony, who really is ol' Newty boy, thinks she's Clinton.

Manly got up this morning and — as he does on the mornings that I have control of the chat server — checked the chat area for me. Sometimes, the phone line disconnects overnight, or there's a buttwipe in the chat, and he'll come in and wake me so I can fix it. This morning, though, Manly saw that Tony had knocked me out, and taken control of the server. So, he read what was on the screen. And then he read the chat-buffer. And then he left me a note telling me to read the buffer because there was much stinkiness in Denmark.

_{(He felt I was too ill to be woken. Awww)}

And then...our power went out. The chat-buffer — as well as Manly's note — was lost. I never got to see either.

I get up several hours later (I'm sick, dork; I get to sleep in), see my machine sitting at the "Duh, what input device do you want: The mousie, or the pen?" and realise we lost power. I reconnect, and no sooner am I in the chat area does Tony start in with this, "Do you know someone named Lila?"

Now, Lila was a lady that came in last night. She introduced herself, and mentioned to me that she is into BDSM (that's Bondage Domination Sado-Masochism). I told her about the guidelines for our particular chat, and how saying "I had sex" is way different from saying "Yeah, so last night, the hubby and I got out the whips, and then we fucked." We don't throw in gratuitous violence or sex just for the drama. I also mentioned that because of the extreme physical abuse in most of our members' backgrounds, were she to bring it up, she'd likely get a negative reaction, if not trigger a good few. And she was cool. She was like, "okay, I won't bring it up if you think people will be upset by it. Thanks."

And I almost said, "Unfortunately, not as many people here are as evolved in their thinking as you and I are." I wish now that I had.

Lila must have returned this morning, where she met Tony. And here's where the two sides of the story — the one I get from Manly, who read the buffer before the power gods ate it, and the one I get from Tony, who is prone to stretching fact beyond all recognition of such — diverge.

_{(And never the twain shall meet, honey, let me tell you)}

Tony says: Lila came in. She was rude. She insisted that BDSM was something everyone should try. When Tony asked her to leave, Lila refused and called her names. Tony banned her.

Manly says: Lila came in, introduced herself to Tony. She mentioned that she had met me the night before, and that she felt the rest of the hosts should know that she is into BDSM. Tony told her that was inappropriate, and that she would ban her. Lila said Tony was being harsh, and that she should speak with me. She tried to explain that she wouldn't discuss it if it made the others uncomfortable, but... Tony kicked me out, took control, kicked Lila out and banned her.

Enter oblivious me this morning. And here's Tony, getting her tinglies from telling me her little story. And all I can think is, "If Lila had been a homosexual, would you have banned her for that?" Tony sends me Lila's IP address, and demands, "Did you put her in your banned addresses record?"

You know, I'm so pissed off and guilt-stricken and disgusted. Right now, yeah, Lila's IP is in my banned addresses. Why? Because I didn't have the balls (and the proof to back it up: remember, I didn't get Manly's side until he got home from work) to stand up to Tony and deal with the absolute horror show that would cause. I don't agree with what Tony did; I don't think Lila should be banned.

As Therapy Dude likes to say, "These are my options and these are the repercussions of each..."

Nothing. And I can already feel the hatred for Tony and the guilt for what happened with Lila welling up inside me. Nope. I can't live with just nothing. What happened was wrong.

Confront Tony. I don't think that's wise. Cara did not leave us with any clear indication of who is The Big Boss while she is away. I don't want to start a power tug-o-war with Tony, which is what I believe will happen were I to confront her. That, or she'll throw a huge tantrum, and whine and lie to Cara when she does return home.

Remove the ban. Not a good idea. That's pretty passive-aggressive, for starters. Also, Tony will find out and confront me about it. I will be, at that point, in the wrong.

Leave the ban, but e-mail Lila, and speak with Cara about it when she comes back. I could do this. I could write to Lila that we are currently having problems with our hosts, and that until Cara returns, I'm at a loss. That we weren't told who is in charge, etc. My only concern there is if Lila rubs my letter in Tony's face, which would kick off a whole chain of events not terribly unlike those found in "Confront Tony."

Mmm, by the way, everyone that wrote to me about this whole Tony situation: Thanks, guys. You're aces. I particularly liked the one from the guy who suggested I "smash her like the loathsome, scuttling insect she really is." Hateful bitch that I am, and all that...