I prefer to grieve
on the floor beneath a table
or outside stretched
upon the ground.
But, well-intentioned friends
come by with pleas for me
to see a counselor and
eat dinner at their homes.
Begging I do something,anything,
not understanding
I am tired and
want to be inactive.
I want to sink beneath the tables,
lie in the dirt, drink until morning,
and grieve until the loss evolves
slowly into a timid strength.
Alcohol that is not usually kept in the house
because I will impulsively drink every drop,
now whispers greetings for me to enter
those dangerous zones of long lost spirits.
And friends will call
and display horror, disgust
when asking, "Have you been drinking?"
Powerless, they sigh, "Oh no."
Never understanding how that despair
and wine are so painfully short-lived,
nor how comforting it is to let my tears fall
while driving along that hard paved road.
--------------------------------------------------
The Confession
"I want you to have my baby,"
he moaned the first time we made love,
and I asked about his missing condom,
a device he claimed to have never used.
I wandered from his bed
and returned with a large selection.
Displaying little enthusiasm
he selected the color of his choice.
Later, when I announced
my pregnancy to friends,
they wondered why I didn't use protection,
and I simply told them the condom broke.
So now I write this poem
turning readers into priests
listening to another weary confession:
we never used the condom.
I teach writing at Pima Community College, have a book coming out from Red Hen
Press next year, and some of the magazines I've been published include: In
These Times, Humanist, Sojourners, Green Prints, Palo Alto Review, Toast,
Potomac Review, Hip Mama, Mother’s Underground Magazine, Common Journeys,
Artful Mind,Tucson Guide, The Bridge, Hanson's Magazine, Contemporary American
Satire 2 Anthology, Messages From the Heart,Stet Magazine, Dream Forge, The
Connection, Inter Text, The Sennet, Thoth, Maple Syrup Simmering, Mercury
Publishing, Lexicon, Welfare Mother’s Voice, Artisan, Nahual, 256 Shades of
Grey, Pine Creek Review, Huge Magazine, Growing Voices Anthology, Kudzu,
Kimera,Introvert, Tilde, Moonshade Magazine, 8: An Anthology of
Possibilities, Poetry Magazine, Highbeams Literary Review, Sistersong, and The
Walden Review. I have also won both the 1990 and 1991 Southwest Writers’
Award for nonfiction.
Diane Payne
e-mail: DPayne2555@aol.com
BACK
