haven’t I felt this before
haven’t I gone through this, suffered through this
hurt like this
before
haven’t I learned
not to go through it, not to feel anything
don’t I know
that women only want me
to be their friend
that women
don’t think of me
as anything more
can’t I just get it
into my head
haven’t I been in this before
haven’t I lived through this, endured this
enough times before
to not do it to myself
all over again
haven’t I gone through this, felt this
haven’t I been hurt
enough times before
had my heart torn
enough times before
to not expose it
ever again
haven’t I been hurt
just like she hurt me
saying she just wanted a friend
when I wanted so much more
haven’t I heard that
so many times before
and haven’t I said this
haven’t I explained this, been through this
so many times before
to not go through it
all again
can’t I just admit
that I’ll never find someone
isn’t it obvious
that women don’t want me
wasn’t it obvious
that she didn’t want me
that all she wanted
was just another friend
can’t I just accept
that I should just give up
haven’t I gone through this
enough times before
to know just how it ends
Different
maybe this time will be different
maybe this time
we will just be friends
and maybe this time will be different
maybe I won’t keep thinking
she’ll change her mind
this woman I love
who only wants a friend
maybe this time will be different
maybe I won’t picture us together
again and again in my mind
and maybe this time will be different
maybe I won’t get upset
when she doesn’t call back right away
maybe this time will be different
maybe I won’t get upset
when she dates someone else
and maybe this time will be different
maybe I won’t get pissed
and stop talking to her
ruining a friendship
we both really need
maybe this time will be different
maybe I can let her go
and maybe this time will be different
maybe we can really
just be friends
untitled
I wash her feet
but don’t touch them when I’m done
brush her hair
but don’t run my fingers through
just before we kiss
since we don’t kiss
I put lipstick on her
but never taste it
never get to be
that close
some friendships are like love affairs
sometimes we get so close
we can almost touch
but don’t
the line between our lips
paper thin
our friendship’s like
a love affair
I feel so close
like all that’s keeping us
from crossing that line
is when we say
we’re only friends
if we were any more open
if we were any more exposed
we’d be together
kissing
it’s the only thing that keeps us
from loving each other
and if we were any closer
if we cared
just a little more
if we could look at each other
and not look away
there’d be no space
between our lips
I wash her feet
don’t touch them when I’m done
put lipstick on her lips
but never taste it
since we’re not lovers, only friends
the difference being
the closeness of our lips
untitled
she sat there telling me
about her boyfriend
like that’s what I wanted to hear
and she sat there telling me
how much she loves
her boyfriend
and how she thinks she’ll marry
this boyfriend
like that's exactly what
I wanted to hear
she’s not the only woman
I’ve ever loved
but she’s the only woman
that almost loved me
somewhere inside, I kept that idea
and sometimes I would hope
that she’d change her mind
and fall in love with me
but as she sat there
telling me how she loves
her boyfriend
I finally realized
how she really feels
it used to be okay
that she didn’t love me
since there was always the chance
she might change her mind
and it used to be okay
that she didn’t love me
since knowing that she could
kept me from feeling alone
but as she sat there
telling me how she loves
and may even marry
her boyfriend
I started to feel
alone for the first time
I almost call her sometimes
almost call her to say
I’m still in love with her
but I know how she feels
and I know how it would hurt
as she’d tell me once again
how much she loves
her boyfriend
Paul Semel (beerhound@aol.com) writes about music, books,
video games, cartoons, web sites, and beer for such magazines as Bikini,
Sweater, Wired, Total TV Online, allstar, and Ray Gun.
The poetry on this page is the property of the author and may not be used without consent from the author.
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