Women are a great natural resource that should be exploited or it will go to waste. They are a love mine, if you will. Such mines are generally found in forested areas unless they've been artificially cleared. The mines theoretically have limitless supplies of love, but actual returns are usually far less than the mine's full potential, depending on the landowner. In any case, the mines have a limited lifespan and will collapse approximately 80 years after the geologic conditions make mining feasible, whether or not the mine is tapped.
A wise miner must survey the lay of the land, take samples, and decide if the reward is worth the expense. If he is breaking virgin soil, he must also decide if the ground has been properly prepared for mining. Mining too early in its geological development could damage the area irreperably and make further mining difficult if not impossible. Of course, some people will just drill ANYWHERE, but that's risky. A tunnel that his been mined by too many miners can be contaminated by unclean mining practices and hazardous to an unprotected miner, even if he has a helmet.
Another risk a miner faces is the spontaneous generation of beings deep inside the mine that feed on its contents. Through a little understood interaction with some of the chemicals used in drilling and those deep in the mine, these beings form and grow deep in the land until they finally burst out in an eruption of bloody gore. Because these may eventually become miners or landowners themselves, the miner is legally and ethically bound to help in their further development. This inconvenience can be avoided by the use of an encounter suit to insulate the mine from the chemicals required for drilling, or the owner can treat the land and change its chemical makeup. The miner does not profit from the creation of these beings, since union rules clearly prohibit any drilling with beings created by the miner. Therefore, we rcommend avoiding the situation if possible, although the owner of the mine may require it as part of a contract.
The owner of the land can often be a source of problems for the miner. Very often the miner must engage in drawn-out negotiations with the owner just to secure preliminary rights to drill. Payment can take many forms, including plant genitalia, food supplies, or metal bands. The contractual requirements of the owner vary widely. Some will only allow drilling if they can bind the miner in a long-term contract, while others will allow nearly anyone to mine. It is worth noting, though, that those miners who do enter into contracts with owners often get more love per drilling hour and the owners may even facilitate their jobs.
Those miners that try to drill without the consent of the owners risk legal action and are generally complete jerks, since the owner will likely not be susceptible to drilling for a long time.
Therefore, always remember to mine safely, and do not spoil the mine for future miners.
This has been a message from the Love Miners of America.