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FEATURE
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FEATURE
STORY
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NOT JUST ANOTHER
SORRY EXCUSE FOR A BOOK
PETE MATTHEWS OF VISTA HAS A LINE FOR EVERY OCCASION.Pete Matthews of Vista has heard every excuse in the book.
You could say, he's written the book on excuses. Because he has.
Working long-distance with his friend Craig Boldman, Matthews has written and illustrated "Every Excuse in the Book: 714 Ways to Say 'It's Not My Fault!'" (Andrews McMeel Publishing; $8.95), which was released last month.
We both like to climb up on our soap boxes and complain about lame excuses," said Matthews about his and Boldman's desire to write the book.
That's not to say he never uses excuses himself. "I blame my genes," he laughed.
His personal repertoire of rationalizations usually swirls around reasons for breaking a diet: "The candy bar is just to give me energy to exercise"; "French fries are vegetables." NEXT: 50 EXCUSES PER DAY
He was surprised at how fast he and Boldman, who lives in Cincinnati, completed the small but thick book of humorous one-liners.
"Most came easily," he said. "We didn't realize how good at making excuses we were."
In the first four days, the duo came up with 200 entries. They sent them to the publisher, who three days later sent them an offer. Within six months they had completed the book, half of which is divided into sections, from excuses for being late ("I was at the right time in the wrong place") to speeding ("I was trying to get out of your way") to being "self-helpless" ("I learned the wrong seven habits").
It wasn't always easy working with a partner in Cincinnati, said Matthews -- but the duo didn't use that as an excuse. Instead, the college buddies communicated via e-mail, faxes and the phone. NEXT: BLAME GAME
On the silly illustrations, Matthews did the rough sketches and Boldman finished them, "so it could have both our styles," Matthews explained. "It was a true 50-50 effort."
The idea came from the perpetual blame game popular in today's society, said Matthews, who admitted that "Every Excuse" has a dual purpose.
"We were careful to straddle both sides of the fence. For some it's satire. For others it's a reference book, depending on where they're coming from."
GODZILLA WATCHES OVER THE DRAWING TABLE AS PETE MATTHEWS DRAWS AT HIS VISTA HOME.While some excuses make Matthews chuckle, others he quotes with a hint of disdain.
"I've seen some pretty outlandish excuses," he said. "One time I was in line at a fast-food place and a guy rushed in and went to the front of the line. 'I have to be waited on first,' he said. 'I'm parked illegally in the handicap spot.'"
No one let the guy take cuts. Nor did the excuse make the book's final cut. "I kept trying to figure out how to get it in without telling the whole story," said Matthews. But he never did. NEXT: MORE LAME-O EXCUSES
Two of the other lamest excuses he's heard are in the book. "People at work are blaming their bosses for not training them right'" he sniffed. "Or that the office colors are not conducive to productivity."
Matthews works full time from his apartment, mostly writing and illustrating greeting cards. His only work companion is his cat, Puddy (as in, "I tawt I taw a...")
In the mornings he checks card store displays to see whether there's a niche he can fill with an idea, then sits at Bob's Big Boy "where I drink coffee until I'm silly."
"It beats working for a living," said Matthews, who was nominated as the class clown at his North Carolina high school. "It's kind of amazing how everything I own was bought from stupid jokes."
PHOTO CREDIT: BILL WECHTER / STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER
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