"A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody." JamesWow, it's been a while since I posted! And that only vaguely occured to me last night, but I wasn't up to taking care of that (see below). Here's what's gone on since then:"Get this love crap out of my system." Angel
"I'm not seeing anybody. Ever again, actually." Buffy (all from Buffy the Vampire Slayer- yes, I watched another episode)
How'd the birthday go, you ask? Fine, blew out all my candles (can't tell you the wish, but here's a hint: 
), got some nice jewelry, a book that I'd wanted, and olives from my cheap aunt (who, I've heard, doesn't want to give me presents anymore. Hmmm.). Although I did have to put up with the relatives Saturday night- NOT my idea of fun! Can't these people ever come up with something to say to me other that "The right man will come along" and "In a few years you'll be married?" HELLO? ARE YOU MENTAL? Geez, just because y'all got married and/or pregnant at 19 does NOT mean that I'm now over the hill, and that I want to turn out in any way like you! Yuck! And Auntie Dolores was a real prize that night- pissed off everyone but Uncle Bruce. My mom griped about her for the rest of the weekend. Besides bugging me, she wouldn't let anyone else but her hold Justin (who can now sort of stand up! It's so cute!) and kept wanting to put him to sleep, AGAINST his mother's wishes. Look, it's HER KID, for crying out loud, HER TURN, YOURS IS OVER! She didn't even want Grandma to hold him. And on a different topic, I wound up leaning against Uncle Bruce on the couch at one point, (kinda similar to how I used to do so with The Moron), thinking, "Man, this is the most action I've gotten in ages, and it's with my uncle! EEEEEEEEEEW!"
So I went back to school on Monday, and spent the rest of the next few days ranting all over my message boards about the whole premise of impending marriage shoved at me by all of THEM, quoting from this site, and I got a response back that I really liked, and I want to reprint it here:
"People have often thought me cold for saying so before, but I truly mean it. Loving a spouse is a choice. When people love their parents or children or siblings, it is not the same. The choice, at least in large part, wasn't there. In many ways, that makes it a stronger or more in-depth love since we often doubt our own choices in life. The chosen love becomes strongest for people when they get to the point where they are truly comfortable with the choice they made. That point comes for different folks at different times, I imagine. (And that's if the choice doesn't come back to bite them with abuse or what-not, sad to say.)
Romantic love gets things started, but it takes the strife and communication and shared happiness and sadness to keep it going. In some ways, I think that speaks to the length and happiness that arranged marriages often had back during times when people really believed that they shouldn't have that choice. Not that I'm advocating arranged marriages! :-)
As for grief over loved ones dying versus love-lives broken, their apples and oranges. When a loved one dies, the grief is often internalized and stays with you forever in some form. A broken up relationship is cried/drank/ice-creamed out. It's a letting go process that is part survival, part doubting our choices, and probably healthy - depending on the outlet, of course."- Bonnie
Then soon after that . . . I got sick. At a very inconvenient time, I might add . . . Wednesday about 11 am, when I was already at school and with a full day ahead of me. Oh joy. I'd woken up with a sore throat (which did not go away after I took a lozenge), couldn't stop feeling sleepy and achy . . . it sucked. I blew my participation grade in French that day- Renee gave up on calling on me- heck, I couldn't figure out what my own name was, much less anything in another language.
I went home, took a nap, then got up to do my homework. It took me a half-hour to get out of bed (bad sign), and I couldn't do anything more strenuous than watch TV and lie on the couch without feeling nauseous. Which is when I started to worry- no one's around up here to clean up my barf, and I throw up (yes, again) whenever I see the stuff. I wound up going to bed at 8:30! Yipes! Didn't do anything other than lie there until about 2 am, when all the screaming and running stopped (went on for hours!). And I cut aerobics today- feel better though, so that's good.
Also got a e-mail card from Montella, which is another one of those things that falls into the category of "More Attention Than I've Gotten In Ages, and yet Look At The Source." He called me "my adoring Ditzi Mitzi" (that's a nickname of mine he came up with), followed with "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Okay, maybe later." (that's probably a good thing he didn't count 'em), and then went on to "just a little card to say I'm thinking about you." Now, I know the boy lusts after me (and everyone else- someone get him a Playboy and a locked room), but think about it: That's more from a "friend" (note quotes) than I ever got from The Moron.
And yes, I have completely given up on The Asshole (that should be my new nickname for him, it's really appropriate). He must either hate my guts now for reasons I don't know or he fell for somebody else (both are excellent reasons to murder him if I ever see him again). But I will never know, because he doesn't even want to or hasn't the nerve to tell me to fuck off. I'm thinking of sending him obscenely rude stuff through one of those anonymous senders because I am so pissed off. I thought he was more decent than that. Shit, he thinks one ex is a bitch and will call her back, but not me???? He must have fallen for somebody else (and thrown that "I'm too busy" crap outta the window) to get this non-reaction.
I hope he burns in hell, I really mean that.
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