"When yer in a funk, people in love are a royal pain in the patookus."- Portnoy from OutlandSo, here's how my weekend's gone:
Friday night (for once not packing!) I was lounging around when Mike came over, asking if I'd seen Sarah. I go no, and he goes "Well,I just saw her go by". I get mad and start lecturing him for torturing me, and then she and Hardeep show up! Yay! So we (everyone I mentioned plus Evan) all goof off in my room for awhile, and Sarah asked about The Moron (by the way, I'm thinking of changing all references to him from now on to The Asshole). I say I don't know, never heard from him, and Mike offered to burn down his house (I said yes). After playing pool 
(my side won! And I was doing pretty good!), we all go to Lyons, screw around in front of Lyons (kind of reminds me of Livermore Lyons being where everyone goes, only they go behind Lyons), then go to a park and play on the equipment. It was S&H's 5-month anniversary, so they went off to do whatever (drink tequila shots, as it turned out), and the boys and I fooled around some more, then drove around various cities lost until about 1 am. 
Entertaining. Came back and talked to Lisa about train disasters we'd had (I won't get into it), and then went to bed. 
Saturday morning I wake up at six to pee. When I get back to bed, of course I no longer feel sleepy (don't you just hate that?). So I try to daydream myself back to sleep, but unfortunately I start doing it on my preferred topic (The Asshole). Which is when I start to feel really, really, mad. Homicidally mad, to be exact. I haven't been so mad at anyone, even Mom. And I'm still mad- just repressing. I truly want to do something to him (send hate mail, burn his house, kill kill kill, something). I am just so horrendously mad that he could do this (be such an asshole). And gee, people wonder why I trust no one? Well, that's because at any time, even the ones that you thought were good will turn around and stab you in the back. My judgement in people must be godawful. More on this later.
Yesterday I was trying to work on the solar system rough draft I have due today (and obviously I ain't working on it now! Bad idea!). Then I hear hollering "JENNIFER!!!!" outside. It's S&H come back after they'd been swimming in a lake. We go to the DC (thank god it was fried chicken night so there was something edible), then try to go in the spa (the temp on the wall said 104 degrees, yeah right!), then they left. I enjoyed that.
You know, the whole couple thing with them is very interesting. They spend 24-7 together (she lives at his house, work at the same job), squabble (I can't put what they do into the category that my parents' fights fall into) constantly, smack each other around (joking), and yet are still all happy. I really can't imagine myself doing that, just like I can't see myself pregnant (despite the fact that I had yet another pregnant dream last night! I was trying on dresses in it though, so there was one good thing about it. I haaaate pregnant dreams.) Then I see things like Lisa getting a package. She'd told Justin (her "boyfriend"- says they're not together, but what do I call it?) that she never got to read the news anymore, so he went through the paper, cut out all the interesting stories, and sent them to her. Now that is sweet. And then I think, "Nobody wants to do that for me. Probably never will." Or the even more fun "well, The Asshole used to do stuff like that." It's lovely to feel depressed. Mom called last night and I wound up telling her to flip off The Asshole if she ever sees him at the bank or whatever (she sometimes does). She said no, she doesn't think he'd get it. I said, "Actually, I think that'd be one thing he would get." She still disagrees, so I said, "So okay, flip him off from behind. No, he can't see too good, do it from the front!" I think she's worried about this anger thing. So's Lisa- she asked why I'm not crying, and I said that a. I've been there, done that, was a mess, and b. anger sort of gives you some more control and dignity. 
Instead of working on papers late last night, Lisa and I stayed up talking. I wound up telling her the whole Moron&Me story (which, incidentally, I have decided that I won't put down like I was planning to- pretty damn pointless now, I think!), my dating history (like 'em dumb, date whoever asks). She said I should try to raise my standards, and I said, "That's what I'm trying to do now!" in dating people I'm not attracted to. Don't know what to do there. Also got into stuff with my family (I wound up telling a certain family secret I'm not supposed to tell- but fuck it, I've got no one to talk to about it now, so-), just blabbing. We also got into how we don't want to go home for too long over the summer- she wants to go to Spain (partly so she won't get all hot n' heavy with Justin again and then have to end it- I would call that one tricky position), me at summer school- she's all for that one. Well, we'll see. The one thing that bugs me about summer school right now is that I wouldn't see my friends. On the other hand, wouldn't be stuck in Liverbore mooning over The Moron either (like I've done the past two summers! Just shoot me now, I'm too pathetic).
Then at about 1 am I'm cruising Spotfans to check out the new posts, and the one I read was dealing with parallel realities. He was taking a poll- what one split-second event would you change to alter your past? Of course, I chose to deal with The Moron. Here's my entry so that you know what I mean:
"I wish that I had turned down a certain guy for a date almost two years ago. I didn't know it then, but that date completely changed my life from how I think it would have naturally gone. And as it turned out, this did not turn out for the better, although it went well for awhile. But then again, I wasn't too likely to turn anyone down for an opportunity to dress up and go dancing, so . . . make that I wish the guy hadn't found my phone number from wherever he had lost it, so it wouldn't have occured to him to ask me in the first place. There are a lot of other things that I wish hadn't happened, but those ones were probably inevitable, while this event I feel really veered me off course from what I was supposed to end up like. I feel kinda stuck in an alternate universe of complete strangeness now in some respects. A case of taking an alternate route inadvertently that didn't return to the main path."And that's how I really feel. That I was a big fat nerd hopelessly in love with someone who didn't love me back, seeing guys that I didn't like back, working on my career as Most Pathetic Individual- then I go on a few platonic dates, and there you go! I veer 45 degrees off track, fall for someone else in the span of hours, and things haven't been remotely the same since. Who woulda thunk it?
Actually, maybe I should still explain our twisted history. I realize after reading this over that it makes more sense with a background story to explain things.
Links to other sites on the Web
Animation Station (car)
Icon Bazaar (e-mail)
Graphic Station (city, day/night bar, pool, tear)
Spotfans Unplugged
Page last updated: May 3, 1998.
You know where to go.
To the previous entry
To the next entry
To the most recent entries
To go home
© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
Get your own Free Home Page