Feelin' Cranky

My Soap-Operatic Life

"Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few." George Jean Nathan

I had been okay, other than spending all day and night writing a crappy solar system paper (I have now determined that I hate the "scientific style" of writing- I don't understand jack shit of what I've written!). That night I started writing it while watching TV. I saw the last hours of Beaches and Babe (I'd already seen them), and was happily looking forward to seeing Waiting to Exhale (which I hadn't seen before) because I'd heard it had man-bashing, which I was so in the mood for. (For the record, this is not a man-bashing film after all, even though all men but about 2 1/2 are scum or close- the son, Gregory Hines and the guy whose wife is dying (I must give scum points for him falling in love with Bernadine even as the wife dies, sorry) And I was so in the mood to see Angela Bassett torch the guy's car! I felt inspired!

So why am I bummed? The end of the movie, there's a scene in which Whitney Houston tells her mother why she dumped her married boyfriend, and her mother is all, I just don't want you to be alone like me, and somewhere in there (I forget where) Whitney says something like, "I'm probably going to be alone for a long time." They've mentioned in the movie already that she's 33. And I was all, "Whitney's gorgeous, and you're telling me that now that she's in her thirties, she has no chance of getting a man again?" My God! If she can't do it (and yes, I know this is fiction! But still-), then there's no help for the rest of us! Gee, thanks! And I thought this was supposed to be a feelgood movie! So going by this movie, I'd better be moving fast, because I'll be washed up and unwanted by 30? Oh, great! Like I need more pressure in an area that I already can't handle!

And that, y'all, is why I'm depressed. Because after that uplifter, I started feeling nice and unwanted. And of course I start thinking on the situation with The Asshole and the one before him, and all the other schmucks I've dated but not given a rat's ass about.

What is so wrong with me that I can't fall for decent guys that would love me and can't get the ones I love to love me, or if they "do", to stay loving me? Why is that so damn difficult? Why can't people love each other the same amount? And my favorite, why do they suddenly stop, when I know I haven't done anything (not that they know of, anyway!) to cause it?
My God, I never yelled at The Moron in over a year and a half of dating, and believe me, he did deserve it. When we'd arrange to go out the next day and he'd forget about it by then (no wonder 90% of our dates were scheduled on that day, like an hour later!! Talk about no goddamn memory! Can you just picture this guy at 60?), did I yell, like I probably had a right to? Did I even say anything? Noooo, I just sat there and took it. "Thank you sir, may I have another?" Man, I'm a wuss! The meanest I ever got to him was in that e-mail in March, and apparently that didn't affect him enough to care or tell me to fuck off!! Well, enough ranting for now, I'd better actually do some homework (yeah, right).

It's 10:00. I'm back.

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!

And after all this time . . . YES! CAROLINE AND RICHARD ARE GETTING TOGETHER!!!!!! MY MOOD HAS SUDDENLY AND TEMPORARILY IMPROVED!!!!!!!! (until I start studying for my French test, anyway) Too bad Ross does wind up getting married =(, or I'd be a triple threat right now. But still . . .

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!

Links to other sites on the Web

Graphic Station (write, torches, tear)
Icon Bazaar (e-mail)
Animation Station (car)

Page last updated: May 4, 1998.
The address is below.
To the previous entry To the next entry To the May archives To the most recent entries To go home

© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page