September 5, 1998

Hindsight needs Glasses

There is the old cliché about hindsight: that it's 20/20. There is some truth to this, for looking back on the past does let you see how tings slide together, why they went the way they did. But, it's also amazing how much of hindsight is seen through blinders.

There are those who talk about their childhood, their school years as lonely and quiet, shied away in the corner. These are the people who give no damn about their past, who basically say, "Screw them all!" when referring to their school friends. Such animosity is explained that these so-called friends never made a point of knowing the real them, but do these Little Jack Horners ever pause to think that they never crawled out of the corner and showed who they were. It's a crime on both sides. The quiet, while victims of loneliness, are still guilty of not trying to show themselves. They just don't remember this and wallow in their ire, unwilling to remove the blinders.

And people in hindsight don't always hide their faults; sometimes they hide the good times. One of the greatest tragedies of our universe is the finiteness of time. We can't always do everything we want to do, and we can't always carry things through as far as we would like. Stopping in midstream is a brave and disheartening choice, but sometimes necessary as well. Yet, many of the people who succumb to making such choices will become bitter to whatever they have left. They will blame it for not meeting their needs, and they will forget the good times they enjoyed. Everything associated with it is now the demonic evil that blocked their road to heavenly paradise.

The worst, though, is how they treat the people who were part of what was given up. No matter how good of a friend, when the touchy subject comes up, insults, stinging, will fly. They will not realize what they say or the hurt it causes. It will slide off their tongues as simply as any other words. The only hope is that the friend will not be so as blind in hindsight and will remember better times. With luck, that is.

Comments:

• as you may know, im one of those people with the "screw the past" attitude. i hated my high schoool, i hated the people in it. i think i showed them the real me, but the real me just wasnt the norm in carmel high school, land of god's blessed and all the other bullshit. i was too quiet, this is just who i am. i didnt go around high school yelling in the halls for no reason or date a different girl each month. therefore i was not accepted. fuck you carmel high school.

  but you're right about forgetting the good parts along with the bad. i hate that. one of the few things that i regret in this life is that i didnt stay in touch with the one person from my high school class who i considered a good friend. i mean, my few other good friends were in the grades below me. but this one guy wes, who i played cards with everyday at lunch and we shared all the stories about our misfortunes with women... i didn't keep in touch with him. i know that he went to some art school in florida, but i dont know which one. he was a great guy, and i hope everything is working out for him.

  im proud to say that now that im in college, my life has changed drastically for the better, and i'm not as afraid to show the real me. i know now that either people will accept me or not, and if not, to hell with them. i feel bad for all the people who, like me, have to grow up going to schools where if you're not like everyone else, then there's something wrong with you. once we get out in the "real world," i think it becomes clearer that it's being different from the norm that makes us stand out. i just hope to god that i stand out in a good way.
  -- Jeff