September 9, 1998

The Book of BoB: Chapter 1

In the beginning, there was BoB, and BoB was almighty, for BoB spelled backwards is after all BoB. And as was said, there began BoB ... make that breakfast... no BoB... breakfast… BoB!!! Okay, okay, let's compromise and say BoB and breakfast. In the beginning, BoB, in his magnificent wisdom and strict adherence to nutritional guidelines, created breakfast. Thus, into a bowl, BoB poured cereal.

And BoB sat down to partake of the cereal so recently poured into the bowl. His utensil of choice, that magnificent tool of creation--- the Spork. But the Spork is no good for the ingestion of cereal. Thus, a cereal bit fell upon the floor and that became the Earth...

And unto this world came only barrenness, until BoB partook of lunch. On his menu this very day, BoB partook of the soup of the non-rubber chickens. Once again, BoB chose to use the Spork. Mind you, it was a different Spork, for BoB does believe in good hygiene. But, the Spork is also a faulty tool for the dining of soup, and upon this noontime, BoB spilled again, drenching the barren cereal upon the floor. From this primordial soup, life sprang, bringing splendor to the Earth...

Life flourished for many a time, till the coming of dinner. BoB, in a way only described as ethnic, made the spaghetti and meatballs. As BoB feasted, an errant meatball lost when somebody sneezed, crashed unto the Earth, destroying many of BoB's creatures. Life returned…

All of Earth's creatures now await the Great Coming of the Midnight Snack. Some shall choose to wait in fear, for the snack shall be the leftover meatloaf of last Tuesday. Others will welcome BoB's nocturnal noshing, for the bountiful gift of the heavens, J-ELLO…

Tomorrow: Theological Issues of BoB

Comments:

• It seems to me that BoB eats a hell of a lot of food. This is not true of Jesus or David Koresh.
  -- Ray