October 6, 1998

Poodles

I think poodles are the most ridiculous dogs in the world. Would any self-respecting canine allow itself to go around looking that foolish? Poodles were originally bred to be hunting dogs. How can a dog hunt looking like that? I might as well go fly fishing in a tuxedo, cummerbund, and tails. It's a disgrace. If humankind can't even groom a dog in a sensible way, are we really capable of living in harmony with ourselves and nature?

Comments:

• As a renowned expert on puppy squashing, I can inform you that poodles do serve a purpose. Occasionally, although I don't enjoy it, I drop heavy objects on stray puppies. When I drop a heavy object (a John Deere harvester for example) on a poodle, I feel that I have done the poor bitch a favor by ending its miserable existence and therefore, although I don't enjoy it, get some sense of satisfaction from the cute little "squish" sound that results when several tons of farm machinary falls from above and completely pulverises that piece-of-shit excuse for a dog that sits unsuspecting, just a few inches below.
  -- Ray