October 22, 1998

Post-Break Burnout

I've noticed a pattern to my life recently. After every brief break in the school year, I come back depressed and burned out. I can't find the motivation to do anything, and worse, what is required of me I often do only a mediocre job on it all.

Also, the temporary absence from my usual routine tends to give me that fresh view on everything. I'm happy with my major, my friends, my plans for both the near and far future, but I'm not content with myself. I've found myself daydreaming a lot more lately and wandering around staring up at the clouds. Heck, I'm feeling so much like Eeyore that my tail fell off, and it's now lost for good.

What it really comes down to is that continuing empty space in my life. I have some very good friends, but they aren't people I can truly share my life with as much as I would like. Where is that person who I can show the creaming rock to, or run like a mad idiot through a downpour? Or even just smile at?

Comments:

• I hate to wax religous on you w/out a good reason but through your last few mailings I've heard that empty hollow in you life come through. Yes you are missing a woman... none of us are complete without one... you are however ignoring God and the void he can fill. As your Mormon friend i have to tell u to go read the Book of Mormon and listen to the missionaries but if u don't want to find some church to go to every week and find some way to show your love for God by serving other people... it just might add a lot more to your life than you think....

  Really i swear just try it,
  -Marshall

• try minoring in psychology. on second thought, dont. it didnt work for me. and by the way, my life has a purpose at least for now. big ass rock.
  -Jeff