November 27, 1998
The Afterlife
I must say that elementary school had a monstrous effect on my life. Not only did I learn to read and write and spell and use gooder grammar, I got pounded into my head the simple notion: "plan ahead." Of course, they meant to always consider a future job and all that, but I think it's best to plan everything in your life and after.
Now, I could bore you with the exact date and time that all my children will be conceived on, as well as the time I plant the dagger in the back of the prime minister of Mauritania, but that would be boring and relatively unimportant to what I mean by planning ahead.
I have planned out my afterlife. You see, Heaven must be extremely large, infinite in fact. Since Heaven is supposed to be each person's view of paradise, it must be able to encompass the entire range of possibilities. In fact, if one person up there believes it is infinite, then it must certainly be infinite.
Now, over the ages, a finite number of people (and animals if you so believe) have died and some of their souls have taken residence in the hereafter. However, there is infinite space still available, so I feel everyone should be allowed in. Hence, I am going to spend my afterlife taking one person at a time out of Hell and into Heaven.
Sure, that's going to take a while, but I have eternity.
How am I going to do this? Well, every person has good qualities about them. I will talk to friends and families of the person I'm saving and record these qualities to use as both reason and inspiration to save them. Everyone deserves a slice of heaven.
What if the people in charge won't let you? Well, if I do get to Heaven, this is my own view of how heaven should be. If they don't let me do it, then Heaven won't be really miraculous in my sense. Of course, I might not end up in Heaven, but even if I don't, hopefully one of you will take on my quest, or at least will ask the Head Guy up there, "Why can't Nick do this?"
See where planning ahead can take you?