December 13, 1998
Multiple Universes
In the physicists' attempts to reconcile quantum theory with actual reality, they have penned the unusual theory of multiple-universes. Accordingly, whenever an event has multiple outcomes, ranging from either the quantum to the galactic level, parallel universes are created where each one contains one of the possible outcomes. So, for example, if you have the choice between eating Fruit Loops or Cocoa Puffs for breakfast, then one universe exists where you ate Loops and an another where you ate Puffs. Thus, there are nearly infinite possibilities out there.
Of course, whenever you look back a at a situation and are certain that if you had just done one thing different all would have been better, rest assured that in some universe you did. In fact, if you are like me and constantly make decisions that turn out for the worse, that break your heart, destroy your faith in happiness, or any other bad end like a dead puppy, then the majority of the other universes leave me in happy, nearly paradisiacal states. Because of my perpetual angst and depression, I make life grand for countless other me's. This is great.
Thus, even though I choose in life a path that leaves me feeling unfulfilled and alone, through the miracle of modern physics, I know my actions result in bettering many people close to me, i.e. myself.