December 15, 1998
God was Drunk
There is ample evidence that God was drunk at various moments of creation. Consider:
- The refrigerator light - even God must wonder if it goes off when the door is shut.
- Lemon-lime flavor - they look the same, they practically taste the same, and the only difference between lemons and limes is color. So, he combined them into something that's exactly like lemons and exactly like limes, only now a yellow-green.
- The letter 'c' - sounds like 'k' or sounds like 's.' It's redundant.
- Redundancy - if somebody repeats themselves, do we really need a word to describe it?
- Huggies Pull-ups - hmmm, people like shit, so let's let little kids prolong their avoidance of the toilet.
- Curly hair - women with straight hair want it, and women with it don't. this annoys men.
- Idiots - enuff said
- To unplug means to relax - if you unplug yourself, that means you've removed your power source. Thus, you're dead, not relaxing!
- People who think this is just rambling and not any proof that God was drunk - they might be right, but this complaint will cause great strife, so why bother? Actually, if God made these people, then he meant for there to be strife.