February 6, 1999
Fun with Static Electricity
Have you ever really really charged up your body with static electricity and then shocked some one to the point that they curl up into a ball on the ground? Has anyone ever done this to you? I like doing it. . . it's really fun. You are mastering the ludicrous lepton known as the electron. An elementary particle of the universe, you are getting in touch with the very physics and underlying structure that makes up everything. Also, you cause annoying pain.
Perhaps the ultimate source of joy in static electricity lies in a childhood dream. I used to believe a red cape made me a super hero, but now I know the job also requires further enhanced powers far beyond those of normal men. My uniquely hairy body and stupid obsession to want to discharge enough electricity at people's noses to make them go colorblind means that future might possibly hold (depending on if I can create the static enhancing suit) a new role for me in society as the heroic STATIC MAN!