June 17, 1999

The Question We Should Answer

I figure that there are a majority of answers to questions in this universe. Why? If it's a factual question, like those asked in school, there is an answer, though it might be hard to reach. More importantly, there are too many times when we want to talk to people and inquire and learn of the truth, but fear and awkwardness prevents us. These questions don't exist in this universe, but the answers are out there.

It's these last type of questions that plague me. I do not say we. This is my disease. Life is filled with people who have some meaning in the grand scheme of things. They might be guides, obstacles, or a humble pub along the road of life. They are important, and that's what bothers me.

I feel the need to ask them questions, but I hate being the hard-boiled gumshoe feeding out the line in the hopes of snaring the awful truth that brings the kingpin in to justice. I don't want to put the undue stress on anyone. I don't want to ask that pivotally damaging question, "What do you think of me?"

There's so much wrong with asking this. It asks a lot on the other person's emotional part. It makes them want to phrase each word the best as to not hurt or give too much hope. It's not the question to ask. The answer is too difficult to have to come out alone.

Instead, I've been thinking. Maybe it's the cockamamie idea that would lead the Donner Party to try the mountain pass, or maybe it's the idea that man can fly like birds, but I want to ask another question. I want to ask the people I need to learn from not what they feel about me, but what they think I feel about them. "What do you think my feelings are regarding you?" There is a difference. The only stress is on me. I think that's true. I will answer the same and more if they want.

I think the quote below really works right now.