July 13, 1999

Playing the Hero

What is this need in our lives to always act in the best way... to show in what ways we are stronger, smarter, wiser, faster, better than others? I notice it in myself. I will turn a conversation to discuss me. I will bemoan my faults in such a way that they still make me sound better than my audience. This stupid struggle of mine to be king of the mountain I think is copied by others. I'm not really sure though.

It just bothers me. What's the point in all this preening of morale? Are we really peacocks flashing our tails? I want to be me, to portray my honest self to the world, but I seem to do it by putting others down. I don't do it intentionally (I hope) and doubt that others do it purposefully either.

Maybe this is why public humiliation stings so much... we can't get on our high horse while sporting a mortal wound.