Theory on Brontosauruses
by Anne Elk (Miss).


Graham and John A presenter sitting with a guest in the usual late-night line-up set.
Presenter (Graham): Good evening.
CAPTION: ‘THRUST - A QUITE CONTROVERSIAL LOOK AT THE WORLD AROUND US’
Presenter: I have with me tonight Anne Elk. Mrs. Anne Elk.
Miss Elk (John): Miss.
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: ‘ANNE ELK’
Presenter: You have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
Miss Elk: Can I just say here Chris for one moment that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
Presenter: Exactly. (he gestures but she does not say anything) What is it?
Miss Elk: Where? (looks around)
Presenter: No, no your new theory.
Miss Elk: Oh, what is my theory?
Presenter: Yes.
Miss Elk: Oh what is my theory that is. Well Chris you may well ask me what is my theory.
Presenter: I am asking.
Miss Elk: Good for you. My word yes. Well, Chris, what is it that it is - this theory of mine. Well, this is what it is - my theory that I have, that is to say, which is mine, is mine.
Presenter: (beginning to show signs of exasperation) Yes, I know it’s yours, what is it?
Miss Elk: Where? Oh, what is my theory? This is it. (clears throat at some length) My theory that belongs to me is as follows. (clears throat at great length) This is how it goes. The next thing I’m going to say is my theory. Ready?
Presenter: Yes.
Miss Elk: My theory by A. Elk. Brackets Miss, brackets. This theory goes as follows and begins now. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too.
Presenter: That’s it, is it?
Miss Elk: Spot on, Chris.
Presenter: Well, er, this theory of yours appears to have hit the nail on the head.
Miss Elk: And it’s mine.
Presenter: Yes, thank you very much for coming along to the studio. Thank you.
Miss Elk: My pleasure, Chris...
Presenter: Next week Britain’s newest wasp farm...
Miss Elk: It’s been a lot of fun.
Presenter: Yes, thank you very much.
Miss Elk: Saying what my theory is.
Presenter: Yes, thank you.
Miss Elk: And whose it is.
Presenter: Yes, thank you - that’s all - thank you... opens next week.
Miss Elk: I have another theory.
Presenter: Yes.
Miss Elk: Called my second theory, or my theory number two.
Presenter: Thank you. Britain’s newest wasp farm...
Miss Elk: This second theory which was the one that I had said...
Presenter: (the phone rings; he answers) Yes, no I’m trying...
Miss Elk: Which I could expound without doubt. This second theory which, with the one that I have said, forms the brace of theories which I own and which belong to me, goes like this...




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