Cut to cockpit. A hostess enters from the passenger cabin.

Second Pilot (John): Oh hello. Everything all right at the back?
Hostess (Carol): Yes they’re as quiet as dormice.
Second pilot: Dormice?

Door opens and a man in a neat suit enters. From beneath his jacket he produces a revolver with silencer attachment. He points it at the pilots.

Gunman (Michael): All right, don’t anybody move ... except to control the aeroplane ... you can move a little to do that.
Hostess: Can I move?
Gunman: Yes, yes, yes. You can move a little bit. Yes. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so dogmatic when I came in. Obviously you can all move a little within reason. There are certain involuntary muscular movements which no amount of self-control can prevent. And obviously any assertion of authority on my part, I’ve got to take that into account.

The ensuing conversation is perfectly calm and friendly.

Second Pilot: Right. I mean one couldn’t for example, stop one’s insides from moving.
Gunman: No, no. Good point, good point.
Second pilot: And the very fact that the plane is continuously vibrating means that we’re all moving to a certain extent.
Gunman: And we’re all moving our lips, aren’t we?
Pilots: Yes, yes.
Second pilot: Absolutely.
Gunman: No, the gist of my meaning was that sudden ... er ...
Hostess: Exaggerated movements ...
Gunman: Exaggerated violent movements ... are ... are out.
Second pilot: Well, that’s the great thing about these modern airliners. I mean, I can keep this plane flying with only the smallest movement and Pancho here doesn’t have to move at all.
Gunman: Oh, that’s marvellous.
Hostess: (joining in the general spirit of bonhomie) And I don’t really need to move either ... unless I get an itch or something ...

They all laugh.

Gunman: Well that’s wonderful ... 60 % success, eh? (they laugh again) Anyway, bearing all that in mind, will you fly the plane to Luton, please?
Second pilot: Well, this is a scheduled flight to Cuba.
Gunman: I know, I know, that’s rather why I came in here with that point about nobody moving.
Pilot: Within reason.
Gunman: Within reason - yes. I ... er ... er ... you know, I want you to fly this plane to Luton ... please.
Second pilot: Right, well I’d better turn the plane round then. Stand by emergency systems.
Gunman: Look I don’t want to cause any trouble.
Second pilot: No, no, we’ll manage, we’ll manage.
Gunman: I mean, near Luton will do, you know. Harpenden, do you go near Harpenden?
Pilot: It’s on the flight path.
Gunman: Okay, well, drop me off there. I’ll get a bus to Luton. It’s only twenty-five minutes.
Hostess: You can be in Luton by lunchtime.
Gunman: Oh, well that’s smashing.
Pilot: Hang on! There’s no airport at Harpenden.
Gunman: Oh well, look, forget it. Forget it. I’ll come to Cuba, and get a flight back to Luton from there.
Second pilot: Well, we could lend you a parachute.
Gunman: No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn’t dream of it ... wouldn’t dream of it ... dirtying a nice, clean parachute.
Pilot: I know - I know. There’s a bale of hay outside Basingstoke. We could throw you out.
Gunman: Well, if that’s all right.
All: Sure, yeah.
Gunman: Not any trouble?
Pilots: None at all.
Gunman: That’s marvellous. Thank you very much. Sorry to come barging in.
Hostess: Bye-bye.
Gunman: Thank you. Bye.
Pilots: Bye.

They open the door and throw him out.

Gunman: (as he falls) Thank you!

Cut to haystack in a field. Aeroplane noise overhead. The gunman suddenly falls into the haystack. He gets up, brushes himself down, hops over a fence, and reaches a road. He puts his hand out and a bus stops. It has ‘Straight to Luton’ written on it. He gets in. Conductor is just about to take his fare, when an evil-looking man with a gun jumps up and points gun at conductor.

Man (John): Take this bus to Cuba.

Bus moving away from camera. The destination board changes to ‘Straight to Cuba’. The bus does a speeded up u-turn, and goes out of frame.