Two women are listening to a radio set.

Announcer: ... And now, we present the first episode of a new radio drama series, ‘The death of Mary Queen of Scots’. Part one, the beginning.
Theme music: ‘Coronation Scot’ as used in ‘Paul Temple’ for years.
Man’s Voice: You are Mary Queen of Scots?
Woman’s Voice: I am.
(There now follows a series of noises indicating that Mary is getting the shit knocked out of her. Thumps, bangs, slaps, pneumatic drilling, sawing, flogging, shooting, all interlarded with Mary’s screams. The two women listen calmly. After a few seconds: fade as the signature tune ‘Coronation Scot’ is brought up loudly to denote ending of episode.) Radio Announcer: Episode two of ‘The death of Mary Queen of Scots’ can be heard on Radio 4 almost immediately.
(One of the two women goes to the set and switches it over. As she goes back to her seat from the radio we hear the theme music again, fading out as sounds of violence and screaming start again and continue unabated in vigour.)
Man’s Voice: I think she’s dead.
Woman’s Voice: No I’m not.
(After a time, sounds of violence and screaming start again, rapidly fading under the tune of ‘Coronation Scot’.)
Announcer’s Voice: That was episode two of ‘The death of Mary Queen of Scots’, adapted for the radio by Bernard Hollowood and Brian London. And now, Radio 4 will explode. (the radio explodes.)
First Pepperpot (Graham): We’ll have to watch the telly then.
Second Pepperpot (John): Yes. (the pepperpots swivel round to look at the TV set in the corner of the room.)
First Pepperpot: Well, what’s on the television then?
Second Pepperpot: Looks like a penguin.
(On the TV set there is indeed a penguin. It sits contentedly looking at them in a stuffed sort of way. There is nothing on the screen.)
First Pepperpot: No, no, no, I didn’t mean what’s on the television set, I meant what programme?
Second Pepperpot: Oh. (The second pepperpot goes to the TV, switches it on and returns to her chair. The set takes a long time to warm up and produce a picture. During this pause the following conversation takes place.)
Second Pepperpot: It’s funny that penguin being there innit? What’s it doing there?
First Pepperpot: Standing.
Second Pepperpot: I can see that.
First Pepperpot: If it lays an egg it will fall down the back of the television set.
Second Pepperpot: We’ll have to watch that. Unless it’s a male.
First Pepperpot: Ooh, I never thought of that.
Second Pepperpot: Yes, looks fairly butch.
First Pepperpot: Perhaps it comes from next door.
Second Pepperpot: Penguins don’t come from next door, they come from the Antarctic.
First Pepperpot: Burma.
Second Pepperpot: Why did you say Burma?
First Pepperpot: I panicked.
Second Pepperpot: Oh. Perhaps it’s from the zoo.
First Pepperpot: Which zoo?
Second Pepperpot: How should I know which zoo? I’m not Dr. Bloody Bronowski. First Pepperpot: How does Dr. Bronowski know which zoo it came from?
Second Pepperpot: He knows everything.
First Pepperpot: Oh, I wouldn’t like that, it would take the mystery out of life. Anyway, if it came from the zoo it would have ‘property of the zoo’ stamped on it.
Second Pepperpot: No, it wouldn’t. They don’t stamp animals ‘property of the zoo’. You couldn’t stamp a huge lion.
First Pepperpot: They stamp them when their small.
Second Pepperpot: What happens when they moult?
First Pepperpot: Lions don’t moult.
Second Pepperpot: No, but penguins do. There, I’ve run rings round you logically.
First Pepperpot: Oh, intercourse the penguin.
(On the TV screen there now appears an annnouncer.)
TV Announcer (Terry J): It’s just gone 8 o’clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
(The penguin on top of the set now explodes.)
First Pepperpot: How did he know that was going to happen?
TV Announcer: It was an inspired guess. And now...